she has to stick with divorce decree, she clearly violates that especially if she does it repeatedly. Is she a reasonable person, can he talk to her and explain that it messes up his plans? and it messes up children's plans. i have no advice, going to court again is not always a good idea. X did this kind of stuff ocassionally, I just suffered it through, could not do much about it. For the sake of the kids it is sometimes better to be quiet and play along...

Does he have the ______ to say to her .... well if I can't have those dates I will have to forfeit my time with the child(ren) because those are the only dates available to me this year .... tell the kids I am sorry but your plans are more important than mine I guess ....

Then the next time he goes to court ask for specific dates to cut down on the confusion of summer dates.

Its a "control" issue .... he needs to "stand-up" for himself and his kid(s).... I bet he has changed his plans in years past because she wanted new dates... he needs to grow a set :)

We expect nothing from BM we do not make exact plans with the kids until the very last moment ... flexibility is the key.... If you expect nothing you won't be disappointed.

sorry- maybe that wasn't clear- no we never change our plans once they are made but the nagging before, during, and after is crazy- he has shut his phone off on vacations because she calls so often. (he had to have it written in his amended divorce decree that once we are on vacation she canNOT call) And the boys will sometimes start complaining about where we are going or what we are doing so we had to stop telling them ahead of time which is hard because my kids get so excited they usually spill the beans. Once we are on vacation the boys are great.

Last night he finally just said- this is what I'm doing and if you don't think I have the right to do it-
call your lawyer and let him explain it to you. That didn't stop the emails so he turned off his laptop and then the texts started so he turned off his phone. This is a vacation in July.....

I expect the worst and she never disappoints:(

Hubby had his amended to include no phone to his work phone unless it is a medical emergency ... he does not have a personal cell phone only work cell phone ... company sent her a letter about text messages and phone calls basically stating she either ceases sending text messages and no calls unless its a medical emergency with proof of documented medical emergency or they would recoup the losses through a court action.

Does his cell and/or provider offer selective text blocking?

I know how you feel stomach in knots as JNM said waiting for the other shoe to drop ....

Phone rings::: "what now!!!"

Mom made an "issue" out of being notified when the kids got injured at school or anywhere ... SS10 scraped his knee at school she made a big deal out of it like he had a staph infection and lost his leg was ridiculous. Mentioned it in court judge said "why wasn't mom notified" ... hubby said ok I will notify her every time... 6 months later after mom had been notified by hubby's employer not to use company phone for personal use, mom complained to the judge hubby called her at work too often to notify him of "minor" scrapes and bruises. Judge said ... do you want to be notified or not? not of minor things.

What we do for summers works pretty well. We split the summer up by weeks as evenly as possible so that each parents has one week at a time. First we set aside two weeks for camps and those are selected first. Then we alternate years as to who gets to pick their weeks first each year - this year it is our turn. We try to be flexible if the other party needs to schedule a vacation and it's not 'their year' to honor that as long as it doesn't conflict with plans already made. Perhaps this would work better than racing to get your weeks in first each year?

Wow our last child my husbands daughter has turned 18 I can honestly say between my ex and his we have experenced everything and learned along the way.
You didn't mention the kids ages but when my step daughter was about 8 we gave her a daddy cell phone(plastic kids from verizon) all companies offer them now.We had one that was carried by my husband .He told his daughter when you need me you can call push#1, he told his ex if she needed to let him know anything or wanted to speak to her daughter call or leave a message and she would receive a call back within the day unless an emergency. When his daughter is with us she can feel free to call her anytime .We knew she would hardly evercall because controlling people only need to control things they can't.We also knew if she called her often his daughter would say i'm busy. It really stopped the crazy calls. We also installed a fax machine and told her she could fax any information or requests. We also said they would be dealt with within a day. THEN it was explained that no other methods of communication would be responded to .We then followed up with a written letter notifing the same with a register receipt .
We learned very early on from my ex if you have guidelines that are reasonable they can't complain and if they do no one listens. Not a judge or lawyer. She tried a few times to cause problems but we would always send copies of all communacation and that ended it.
As for vacations to avoid your problem every start of a new year we go over the calender to see if there is any conflicts fathers day birthdays ect we would put it in writing with what ever changes we needed. We also did a calender for his daughter and her mom at that time we would decide our vacation dates we always asked her to pick hers first then we could schedule when ever we wanted. If she would say well I'm not sure we would say ok so your choosing not to pick a date at this time , then we would give her our dates so she couldn't say oh I'm going then. Also as for your husbands boys set up a family vacation planning dinner and propose a few things or let all the kids know what you planned then say to all the kids 'should any of you not want to attend since your not happy with the choice thats fine with us. Trust me they change real fast. Also we had the agreement changed when we got married to include two weeks a year for us taken one week at a time. His ex was not happy but we told her she could also do the same and we would keep SD on her days and she started to like the idea.
If any plans were met with negative comments my husband would tell his daughter " you'll need to discuss that with your mother because she is not agreeing to that" after a while that ended also. When we are on vacation she leaves her phone with her mother and we give our phone to his daughter and we don't get involved. When my son was with his dad he would delibertly turn off the phone and my son was very upset and I was also so I got him a cell phone when he was 9 and then that ended his controlling manner and my son could call when he wanted. I was mindful not to interupt there time since it was only a weekend.
Someone has to be the mature parent and also try to do it in a manner of how you would like to be treated. I never talked to his ex and he never talked to mine and I tried to just do my best to keep our home calm when she visited. I also explained to my son who is 5 years older than she is that he lives with her Dad all the time so when she is here try to let them have time to enjoy each other and then we would have our time and then we planned a time for all of us also. I beleive the kids are so close today because of that and they are truly friends.When my step daughter was 16 she came to live with us because she said she wanted to experience living with her Dad full time . Her mother was not happy but she knew that had this gone to court her daughter would have got her way so she gave in. We also didn't ask for childsupport. We applied it to a car for SD and insurance.
Step families are very trying no doubt but honestly with respect and love it can work. However ground rules are a must and they must not be broken. I have been proud to be a step mom and take a back seat I know in the future my position will be an important one because I was supportive.I really made a point of making her visits very comfortable and special because thats how i would have wanted my son treated. When my ex remarried his wife never boned with my son infact she pushed him out to where he stopped going there and they would just do day events. Now that my son is grown up I know his father regrets that he didn't take a stand with her because my son is really closer to my husband. I sincerely hope this helped . good luck. Sandi

thanks for the suggestions....her problem is quite sad she feels lonely and according to her husband she feel that she can't compete. Our vacations include other families from school or MIL rents a house on the beach. They are actually pretty modest but I think she imagines they are more exciting than they are?

During the school year we have them half the week and on the days that DH has them she volunteers in their class so she sees them everyday even if it is only for a hour at school. Vacations are 12 days DH uses those times to work more, get projects done around the house, etc but when she doesn't have them she is home alone- she doesn't work or have hobbies or many friends.

We have tried planning things out for the year and as the time gets closer she starts to argue about what she agreed to or tries to make changes etc. I do blame DH sometimes because he tries to explain it to her and be logical and she is irrational so he explains it and she starts arguing about his explanation or the tone of his explanation or other random things. There's nothing to explain we are following the divorce order....let it go...she'll get over it.