Well, you're never wrong to feel whatever you feel, but honestly not only do I not think that they are "screwing you over," I think the bride was extremely tactful when you raised the issue. Only people named on an invitation are invited. Period. If I am correct in understanding that you haven't received the actual invitation yet, then I think you have to apply the same principle to the save the date card. I don't like to see "adults only" on an invitation -- it is superfluous if the invitation is addressed only the adults -- and it certainly isn't required. But did the save the date card have your child's name on it, too? Did it say "The Whitney Family" or something? In that case, they are wrong not to invite her; if you send a save the date card to someone (even someone who can't read it herself!), then you must invite them. If circumstances change -- say, there has been a death, illness, or bankruptcy -- and now what was going to be a big wedding is just going to be very small, you contact everyone you asked dto save the date and apologize. But otherwise, no. But if the save the date was addressed only to you and your husband, technically you are the one who is doing the etiquette no-no, by asking if you can bring an uninvited guest. Perhaps a nursing newborn (even if a 17-month-old is still nursing, she is presumably also eating other foods and won't starve for the few hours of a wedding) or an attendant for an invalid, but otherwise no. However, I don't think it is a terrible thing to ask, provided you do it in a way that absolutely doesn't make them feel bad if they say no and that you are gracious if they do. (Not just to their faces; you don't go around criticizing them, much less telling people they screwed you over.) And that's what you did, and they politely told you no. I am with the others: I would either leave her home with a sitter (but you say that's not an option for you) or have a sitter for the wedding itself -- you could probably bring her to other more casual events of the weekend. That is what most people do. I would ask your friends to help you line up a sitter they know and trust. We did that for our out of town guests who came with little ones to our son's wedding. The bride and groom ultimately decided to have the out of town children (little cousins) at the reception, but I kept the sitter "on call" in case they got sleepy or their parents wanted a break! I'm sure the parents felt more comfortable with a sitter I knew than a stranger. I'm glad my son and daughter-in-law did it that way. But couples who choose an adults-only wedding and reception are not being rude. Not all parties are appropriate for children. If they want a formal, cocktail-y atmosphere, which let's face it isn't exactly enhanced by the presence of toddlers, that's their privilege. And certainly if they have told others that they cannot bring their children, obviously they can't tell you otherwise. I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. You didn't do anything wrong, so long as you don't badmouth your friends. And perhaps it will help you to feel better about your friends if you realize that they weren't being rude to you after all.

It looks great on you! You were wise to choose something that lets you bend and move while looking after the flower girl. No matter how beautiful a dress, I think it takes everything away when the wearer is constantly pulling at the neckline or tugging at the hem to stay covered whenever she sits or moves. Who needs to feel anxious about that at a wedding? I think you'll look lovely and feel confident in that dress. Great buy, too!

@Kswl, your post about button covers is not showing up. However, I was able to read it in my email notification. I hope you didn’t delete it because I thought it was brilliant. I totally fell down a button-cover rabbit hole on Etsy. There are a ton of OTT gaudy ones, but there are also some very subdued mother-of-pearl ones. If the buttons on the dress turn out to be ugly, button covers may be the answer. In my poking around, I found some button covers that I may buy for the groom to wear as cufflinks to the rehearsal dinner. They can be laser engraved with the name or initials of the bride and groom and the date of the wedding. I'm going to have to think about it to make sure it comes off as fun and doesn't fall over into gaudy or gauche.

Lots of great suggestions but if we are going warm, we want "beach warm" and this trip, I must remain in the US (explained above). Charleston is definitely on my list but more for a girls trip, I think. I am sure SO would enjoy it but it has been on the short list for my sister and I. Sue, we will definitely go to NOLA but I think I prefer a spring trip-- before it is hot hot hot and after football season. Would love food recommendations! So regarding flights-- I have found some more reasonable and even very reasonable flights. I suspect the other night I was looking only on my "preferred" airline. Maybe. Or prices are fluctuating. That said, in talking to SO last night I picked up and confirmed that he'd rather not travel in the christmas-nye time frame. oops! He had been tentative regarding specific dates but I didnt realize he was tentative on travel. His reasons are valid. I have to appreciate that he too really enjoyed our lazy holiday last year and also that he would prefer a grander spring/summer trip. So I am back to looking for a cabin/fun weekend getaway closer to "home" and some fun winter activities in Minnesota. I still want to do the Nordic Village private dining hut on the roof of the 4Seasons. I didnt get reservations last year, but I am on it this year... and crossing fingers for snow! He wasn't too into it lol.. but if we arent going to travel, he will need to indulge me a little. (He will enjoy it- his point is that we could go to 3 great restaurants for the same price. Me? I am all about the experience.) Off to spend the day with family today -- celebrating mom's birthday, occupying my 3-yo great nephew so his mom can have a girl's day and also planning my sept road trip with sister! Not sure what we'll end up with. So far we have a session with a favorite jewelry designer booked in CT ... from there, who knows!? We'll have 4 days.