Happy Mother's Day

20 years ago

I just spent another Mother's Day without any acknowledgment at all from my stepkids. This has been going on for the past 8 years, and I've resigned myself to the fact that it will be like this always. Even my husband does not give me any acknowledgment on this day, for as he says, "You are not their mother."

I did try once, in the past, to try to get him to understand that being a mother involves a lot more than the actual physical act of giving birth, but he couldn't get past the whole biological thing about being a mom, and it was such a huge fight that I have no desire to ever go through it again. So when Mother's Day comes around, I simply go through the day and ignore what day it is (except when I call my mom). And although he has told me that I behave more like their mother than their bio mom, when it comes down to it, he does not see me as their mother, and, for that reason, I don't need any special recognition on Mother's Day.

So, for all of you out there who didn't get a thumb's up, a card, a simple flower, or a thank you from the children for whom you do so much, I am here to wish you a Happy Belated Mother's Day. We have one of the toughest jobs in the world and I would like you all to know that I'm proud of what we do and I am proud to be in the same ranks as those who do so much, get so little, and still keep doing what needs to be done every day.

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Comments (6)

Vivian Kaufman
20 years ago
Nope, nothing for me either--from anybody. Eh,...not shedding many tears over it. Sent my mother-in-law flowers, that was about it. My mom is gone for 3+ years now.

Truth is, I'm not the mommy. The kids never have needed that whole tug-of-war or the feeling of being disloyal, so I never would get all bent out of shape over a Hallmark holiday...LOL I spent the afternoon cooking. It rocked.
brass_tacks
20 years ago
Chrissy,
Common Chrissy, since when is your value detemined by the acknowledgement you receive!

Lots of people have their own ideas about mother's day. I think that our perspectives about any special day are shaped by the society around us--teachers, parents, advertising, friends, work-associates, etc. Once in a while someone will say 'Stop! I want off this train' whether their ideas are popular or not. Sometimes we get a bad wrap over our convictions--oh well.

We pretty much know how the people around us think/feel about us... I once told my kids to please not judge the love I have for them by the things they have/or are given to them by me. We have very healthy kinds of feelings for each other--and they don't judge their worth by the gifts they receive from their mates or children. (lesson learned)
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dyans_world
20 years ago
OH, at least I am not the only one in on lonely mother days ship. My husband thinks they should treat me like their mother. but they dont. On mothers day I was sitting there in my chair and my husband even asked his oldest son (19) if he was going to wish me a happy mother day. The kid said nothing, he just grunted. Later I asked him if he actually thought he would say it. I know he woudln't and it just proved me right. My kids smothered me with mothers day, so that made it better. as for his daughter and son, I dont know what im going to do, but I wont let them ruin my marriage. I only have 2 more years and the daughter will be 18 and since we are ruining her life with rules she says she is moving out. the thing I hate so much is how bitter I feel when they treat me as if I didnt exist or had no say in my house.
organic_maria
20 years ago
That is sooooo low that they dont acknowledge you at all. I understand how relieved you must be when your SD does turn 18.
I must be one of the lucky ones though. I did and so far get a mother's day card from my SD. Nothing from the SS. He shows no appreciation what so ever. And my hubby sees it and doesn't like it one bit. But how do you explain that to an 8 year old. Not my job to do so either way. But i dont care. I'm happy with his SD.
newbieroselover
20 years ago
Yes, that's really sad. My husband gives me a card, at least. My 17-year-old SS has once or twice (probably at his father's instigation). My 21-year-old SD also once wished me a happy mother's day. We've taken care of both of them since they were preteens.

It's a painful day for me too.
brass_tacks
20 years ago
oh brother...