I'm actually glad his baby's mother is petty

16 years ago

Long time lurker here. I am a childfree, happily married woman to a husband with a 4 year old son from a previous relationship. My husband and his ex were together (not married) for 6 years before they split. Him and I have been married for 1, together for 2. Since we've gotten married the baby's mother has expressed to my husband that she doesn't want thier sone at our house. My husband takes no non-sense from his baby's mother(you know how babymommas can be sometimes)so he disregarded her wishes because she had no real reason to say this. When he told me about it, I told him that he should respect her wishes. So he agreed to it. His ex now drops thier son off at his grandmas and my hubby goes over there to watch him or take him out, until his ex pick him up. On nights where he has to spend the night my hubby leaves him with his grandma.

My husband asked me why am I suddenly accomodating to his baby's mother.

This was my explanation to him:

*I am childfree, and you and I have no kids together. Therefore I don't want it to appear as if we do*, i.e toys in my house or car when the boy is not around, the car seat in the car if the boy is not here. AND I don't care to attend any events for the boy or anything of that nature. ( I will if I have to)

My husband was a little shocked to say the least (and pretty pissed). HE KNOWS I DONT WANT CHILDREN & DONT WANT OUR LIVING ENVIROMENT TO SEEM LIKE WE DO. I guess I put it to him in a way that rubbed him uncomfortably. So in order for me to not sound like I hate his son and never want him around....

I put it to him like this:

You know you have an absurdly jealous and psychotic baby mother that only wants you to spend time with your son alone (or away from me). All I'm saying is I agree with that for my own reasons that you are already aware of.

His consternation vanished. No man want's his wife and his baby's mother going at it all the time. She's very provoking.

And that's it. For the record, I was actually really pleasant to the boy when he came around considering the feelings I have for not wanting any children.

His baby's mother may change her mind in the future but considering the facts: she was with this man for 6 years, had a son by him b4 they split up, got dumped only for him to marry a woman he's only known for a year. I would be bitter as hell if this were me, so my odds are looking good.

Thanks for reading!

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Comments (13)

silversword
16 years ago
What's your point?
finedreams
16 years ago
Well "babymomma" as you called her probably knows about your negative attitude, so she has her reasons for him not to be around you. No kids need this. Smart woman.
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rathersharp
Original Author
16 years ago
LOL, My Point:

Because my situation went from horrible to awesome. Awesome Awesome Awesome!!! I'm happy, that's my point. Oh, my apologies you wanted some sad awful situation where I admit to hating my stepchildren or for me to post something that boils your blood so you can tell me about myself right? Sorry, some people just want to share good news. Thanks for reading.
imamommy
16 years ago
I love hearing happy news! Now, when will that begin?

It really is wonderful that you are happy, don't get me wrong. It's terribly sad though that this little boy has a father that leaves him with grandma instead of spending the whole time with him... as long as you're happy & babymomma is happy, who cares? right?

Never will I understand why a person that has children would be with someone that does not want kids... and it's really wonderful of you to be pleasant to him when he comes around, considering you don't want kiddies. You just have 14+ more years to go... good luck with that.
justmetoo
16 years ago
Well, okie dokie then. How thoughtful of you to drop by and register today just to share your 'good news' and how awesome you think your life is. Hope you got whatever you wanted or thought you needed out of your sudden desire to visit here.
ashley1979
16 years ago
I kinda have mixed feelings about this.

On one hand, I'm glad that you are honest with yourself that you don't want kids. So many women really don't want kids, but think they have to to be a woman. Then they turn out to be awful mothers or dump their kids off on GP so they can go party.

I think it's cool that you can come to a compromise with BM and it doesn't bother you. And it's great that the kiddo gets to spend quality time with GP, too. Sometimes my X wants to have visitation during my time when I have already scheduled with my mom to spend time with DS. I just say 'sorry', but she wants to see DS, too, and since it's my time, it's my decision.

On the other hand, I really don't understand why you would marry a man with a child if you don't want kids and don't want the appearance of kids. At 4 years old, kids are relatively easy. As they get older, parents must be more involved in the kids' life as opposed to the first 5 or so years where the kids are more involved in the parents life.

Have you considered that as your DH's son gets older this situation you have that makes you so happy may not fit anymore?

When the son starts playing sports and has school activities or Boy Scouts (or whatever), your DH will be attending those more-and-more, which means he'll be with you less. That is if your apathy to his kid hasn't rubbed off on him by that point.
kkny
16 years ago
His baby's mother may change her mind in the future but considering the facts: she was with this man for 6 years, had a son by him b4 they split up, got dumped only for him to marry a woman he's only known for a year. I would be bitter as hell if this were me, so my odds are looking good.

Well if this isnt a mature line of thinking.
finedreams
16 years ago
with OP's attitude and line of thinking her odds actually don't look that great, but let her enjoy it for the time being
silversword
16 years ago
Ok. I'm happy she's happy. I do feel sorry for the dad, who will feel conflicted for the next 18-ish years (if they stay together) and for the kid (who is expected to not exist in his father's home).

But clarity is good. Gloating, however, is unattractive.
imamommy
16 years ago
"No man want's his wife and his baby's mother going at it all the time."

But he's okay with only seeing his child at grandma's house? and allowing his wife to prevent any trace of him in her house. What a great guy!
silversword
16 years ago
Yeah, I take it back. I don't feel sorry for the dad. What a piece of work. This poor kid.
imamommy
16 years ago
"No man want's his wife and his baby's mother going at it all the time."

But he's okay with only seeing his child at grandma's house? and allowing his wife to prevent any trace of him in her house. What a great guy!
pinkhill
16 years ago
You really suck on the human scale.
Hope selfish keeps you warm at night.
And when this little boy gets big enuf to understand how he was treated like a dirty secret by his father, sleep with one eye open. I'd be fearful I'd wake up to a knife over my chest.

I'm actually glad his baby's mother is petty

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I'm actually glad his baby's mother is petty

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