stepdaughter always wants to sit with her dad??!1
lostdazed
16 years ago
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lostdazed
16 years agoweed30 St. Louis
16 years agoRelated Discussions
Day four - still no Dad, mom incubating on her own...
Comments (8)Thanks everyone! I really don't think the male was just being scarce. I had been watching this pair for a week and a half before they started laying eggs. I would always see them together and I would always see both of them. If the female was in the nestbox, Dad sat outside watching. For all four eggs (being laid) Dad was there. If I went near the box I got scolded by both the male and the female. Then that one day as I was watching Mom just acted funny and that was when I realized I hadn't seen the male. Today was day five of not seeing him. I realized I could have missed him when watching but I really think if he had been around when I went down there he would of scolded me too, not just the mom. Now an update from today. I was watching and I saw a male BB! Watched them for a LONG time, lots and lots of wing waving going on by both but mostly the male. Mom would go in the nestbox, peek back out and then fly to the male who was in a tree near it, then she would go back in. She did stay in after awhile also and the male went to the nestbox at one point and peeked in. I went down during this and set some crickets out. Mom immediately went down to eat, male just watched and wing waved. When I went down there mom scolded me, the male did not. I think this is a new male but I guess I won't know for sure unless the eggs hatch and I find out if he feeds them or not, either that or if he gets her to start a new nest. What do you think?? I am going to post this question in a new thread too as I am curious what everyone thinks as to if this is a new male or not. Does wing waving happen during incubation by an established couple?? Donna...See MoreI don't want anything to do with my dying deatbeat dad?
Comments (6)My Dad was an abusive alcoholic. Not to put too fine a point on it, it was a tremendous relief when my parents divorced when I was 13 and he left. I had no contact from him after that, not that I was bothered. Then, when I was 16, I had finished school and was spending a year travelling. Since I would be passing through the city in which my Dad and his new wife lived, my mother insisted I should at least visit him for an hour or two between landing on the plane from home and boarding the ship for overseas. I didn't particularly want to but my mother was a hard person to argue with. So, he and his new wife picked me up from the airport and took me to their apartment for afternoon tea. It was awkward. I was too young to really ask the right questions. Like, why did you hit me? That said, he was so locked into lying about everything I doubt I would have got a truthful answer. New wife had some adult children from a previous relationship who were older than me, who apparently would like to have met me but were unavailable. So I had to speak with them on the telephone, again an experience I wasn't all that keen to have. They chastised me for being an ungrateful daughter: according to my Dad he had been sending me birthday and Christmas cards and gifts, money, the whole works, and not once had ungrateful me replied or sent thanks. This was more fantasy on Dad's part: I never received anything and have no reason to think that my scrupulously honest mother would have prevented me receiving anything that had been sent. I disabused them of the fantasy. Eventually our awkward afternoon tea drew to a close and they took me to my ship and I left and never saw him again. When he died some years later I reacted to the news with total indifference- he was out of my system. I think this was due to my mother insisting on our final meeting, I got to see him with more mature eyes and process my feelings about him. So, I think you might consider at least one meeting with your father.Ask him any questions that have always niggled (and there are always niggly questions after the end of any relationship). If you suspect he is being fast and loose with the truth, let him know you're not interested in hearing BS. But I do think you'd benefit from hearing him out, even if you decide afterwards never to see him again. At least then you won't have any "what ifs" that can never be resolved after his death, wondering how things might have gone if......they are the hardest things to deal with after a person dies because then there is no hope of there ever being a resolution....See MoreMy step-daughters mom neglects her in more ways than one.
Comments (3)Not sure if I can be of alot of help, but will try and lend what I can. My daughter lived with her dad for approx. 4 years, and I recieved custody back 3 yrs. ago. (by the way the reason I let dad have residential custody because at time I thought it was in her best interest- but later found out how very wrong I was!) Anyways, not sure if you are trying to get custody or just protect the best interset of your SD...but my advice is to document EVERYTHING!!! Write down the clothes she comes in and if they fit or not (perhaps even take a photo). If you call her and she explodes into a RAGE- write it down and what was sd. (i would suggest taping your telephone conversations-but don't think that is admissable in court if both parties don't know their being taped). If you and hubby take her for a haircut or for shots- write it down. Don't forget dates. Also if it is something that you think is very serious and harmful- there is always Child Protective Services. Call them and you can make an anonymous report and they need to investigate it. If this is something you want to pursue through the family court- then go ahead. But unfortunately it is very expensive to hire a lawyer to pursue something. I paid over $6,000 to get my daughter back- but best money I ever spent! I do feel for you and will keep you in my thoughts. We have LOTS of problems with my hubby's EX- she is like you sd- swears and is totally unreasonable about everything! It's very frustrating! Try your best to be there for your SD and let her know you and BH are always there for her if she ever needs anything or just to talk. Sounds as if the poor thing has no stability at home. Hugs to you....See MoreStepdaughter's photos of mom and dad
Comments (35)Well Momof5angels, can I share my touchy pictures-of-mom-and-dad story? I have the same situation, except it's not one picture, it's a bedroom full of pictures like this. Childhood pictures of the three of them, or pictures and drawings of just her mom. I think I'd be more understanding if (from all their accounts, I've never met her) she was a loving wonderful mom. They tell me she was/is a drunk, a user, a seller, and had several BFs behind dad's back. One of SD's complaints is that her BM would come home from work, go to her room and ignore all 3 of her children. Dad made major life changes and wanted his then wife to clean up her act too. She didn't want to leave her BF and partying ways, so he divorced her and they shared custody. (Only the SD is his. Other 2 were fathered by someone else.) Five years later, I enter the picture. Dad has since gained full custody of his then 14 year-old daughter. It was SD's choice to leave mom's filthy, unkept house where the live-in BF hung around drinking all day. Well, my custody arrangement w/ my ex requires that I live in my current town. I let my then-just-dating guy know this immediately and he let his daughter know she'd have to choose whether to live with us (4 hours away) or stay at her mom's. BM flipped out! She threatened to have a friend of hers come over to the dad's apartment (while we were house hunting) and rape her own daughter to punish her for even thinking of moving away! What kind of mom threatens her own daughter to have some thug rape her as punishment? Well, SD decided to come live with us. (14 then, 19 years old now.) I know it's hard to leave your home town and move away from friends! (I'm a former military wife, moved 20+ times over 9 years!)We made all sorts of accomodations to try to ease her pain of having to move away: taking her back for every school holiday and summers to visit her friends and family. (Expensive!) Unlimited Internet and cell phone access to her friends/family. I certainly don't expect SD to deny her past! I want her to treasure the happy moments, like we all do from our childhood. BUT! We all eventually move on into adulthood. I was a professional photographer and we have TONS of current photos of all sorts of family functions. I do scrapbooking, painting, collages, sewing etc. and have let her know she can invite friends over from her new school or our new congregation for any of these or other activities, but no. For the first 2 years of our marriage she spent her free time online or talking to all her old friends w/very little effort to make "new memories" to hang on the wall. I talked with my husband letting him know I appreciate we all have previous memories to treasure, but she seemed stuck in "Little Girl Land" and was in denial. We had a discussion with her once to encourage her to do things with us, make new friends, start taking the steps to becoming a young lady. She bawled (literally) about "not having a childhood." She was 18 then and had no plans regarding her future. A job? College? Move out eventually? I'm just the meanie "not letting her have a relationship w/ her dad." Our parent-child relationships evolve over time. She was 18 then w/graduation just weeks away and it still hadn't dawned upon her to make plans for schooling or employment!It's not that she doesn't know, it's that she doesn't want to learn ... at least not from me! I was stunned. Oh yeah, you had a childhood, I told her. Unfortunately, it was pretty crappy since your BM neglected all 3 kids! (So why is she the one STILL adorning the walls?) I try to be understanding that since BM didn't teach SD any personal hygiene skills or etiquette, it isn't automatic. But, I ask my husband, she's been living with you for 4 years now. So why does she still belch w/o saying 'excuse me'? Spit phlegm out the window? Take food of my plate? Keep her room in total disarray? I'm "the bad guy" for expecting her to not sleep in till noon, take a shower and be presentable every day, (not just when we'll go to services), further her education so she can become self-sufficient some day, and bother to include us in her major life decisions? I'm the one driving her back and forth twice a day to two different schools so she can take foreign language classes, to doctor appointments, etc. I don't WANT to replace her mother. I want her to learn from my varied experience, not criticize my cooking, home decorating, etc. I love her dad, and she's part of him. I guess it must be crappy to have to accept that your mom is a disappoint. Maybe she feels she'll be disloyal to mom if she likes me? I wonder this because now she does do things with other people here. And I mean other people MY age(40), not just with other teens. She goes to their house to watch movies, eat dinner, etc. I ask her dad, how does letting her do this promote family unity? Sure, I think these other women are great friends to have, but now even they replace me and take her to functions I should. They'll have some congregation event and my SD, not me, is the one invited to share a dish. Am I the wife, or is she? Example: I recently invited my husband to go to bed early for once, so we wouldn't be so tired for our "private time." His response? "When do I get to spend any time with (SD)?"(They spend hours watching movies together almost every night of the week!) Anyway, I'm going on and on ... guess it's not just the pictures of "Mommy Dearest" still on the wall that bother me. BTW, I am also a high school teacher and deal with some pretty rough teenagers every day. My students send me cards, give me hugs (nothing inappropriate) and say "thank you" for sharing life's hard lessons. My husband's response to discomfort over walls of BM photos? "It's her room." Excuse me? If my 18 year-old or 9-year-old hung a photo of their father, or our former family, in "their" room, I would talk with them about part of healing is moving on. My girls' dad left me for another woman, has since left her and is now shacking up with a third. (I only hear this through the grapevine, I don't ask!)So does he have a place in my home? No. In their lives, yes. Hang those pictures on your apartment walls, not my house. I gave my ex tons of family photos to give to our daughters, but no, those will not hang on the walls of where my current husband is to be respected. Am I being too sensitive? What do you all think? THANKS! No one I know personally understands this from their own experience....See Morelostdazed
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