what's up with all capitals?

I will capitalize everything if in a hurry. It saves time as not to have to hit the shift key. I don't even notice the difference if it's all capitals or not.
Taxi, Could drugs be an issue? You can now test kids at home yourself. It sounds like a sudden change in behavior has happened. Also, I hear those teen years are challenging. Could it be a female that has him on edge? I don't think your DH is doing him any favors by allowing him to be disrespectful. Kids need boundaries. I have written this before, "Bad parents say Yes out of guilt, Good parents say No out of love." Someone said this to me once. I know many divorced parents that fall into the guilt thing. Truth is though all kids have challenges & probably more kids come from a divorced family than nuclear. Letting a kid be disrespectful is wrong. All kids need boundaries and should respect authority. I wouldn't talk to DH about not feeling guilty. I would focus on how he is doing wrong by his son by not giving him the tools to get through life.

I forgot also...your DH probably feels guilty because he knows how horrible divorce is for children. It doesn't matter who hurt his children, they were hurt & he feels guilty. I know my DH loves his children dearly & parents out of guilt. It doesn't matter that it was the BM that wanted the divorce, just that the children are now from a divided home & it hurts him knowing that his children hurt.

You know i asked a friend of mine at work about the 'guilt' my husband carries. I keep telling him to let go. At times its better and then it resurfaces. He loves his kids no matter how many times they hurt him.
Anyways...my friends mom was married a man who was divorce. So i asked her to ask her mother if her husband ( my friends father) ever let go of the guilt or did it ever go away. She said no. The guilt these divorced men have will never go away. Even after 20 years!. He died of cancer and his kids didn't evne come to see him. The 4 new ones he had with his new wife of course we by his side. His other two kids : the daughter is good but the son is not. He is onthe low road .
Dont' bother talking to the SS. He wont listen to you. You have no authority over him and he knows it. He also knows he makes his father walk on ice. Your DH has to take control of this and show him he is the fahter and he is the boss. Period. Kids at this age need guidance and firm lines not to cross. Chekc for drugs or just friends who are influencing him.
As well, my cousins ss headed in that direction. Talking back and not doing well in school. He got expelled. They sent him to military school. Did him wonders!

Typing in all capitals is generally considered the equivalent of shouting.

Thanks for the responses...yes I did it in capitals becauses its faster lol Anyway UPDATE: the principal called today (gee its only Monday) asking for another meeting. The Principal did say the next time he comes into their office hes expelled. I tried so hard to explain to him that if he is expelled they send him to another school with BAD BAD kids, kids that are so much worse than him. Ya know what he did, he had his baseball mitt onhis head and he was twirling around, laughing at me. YET on the other hand, he was such a good boyt he rest of the weekend. His mom complained he would not take a shower this morning, and yet he took two while with us this past weekend. I have four daughters of my own and truly another kid would only make it more crazy but I feel we are what he needs. He loves the family atmosphere...I mean even though my kids range from 13 to 22 they are always home to eat when not working, he absolutely loves that we all eat breakfast on Sundays together. His mom is not ready to give him up. All I am saying is he needs to stay here during the week, get a fresh start at another school and have his Father here when he gets home to guide him in the right direction. Hes not afraid of his mom and is a little of his dad. I woul dbe here for homework, his mom gets home late. And I cook very single night, she gives them fast food, which in turn turned mys stepson into a very overweight kid. Keep in mind I work too....But I FIND the time to do these things. Geesh lol Done venting for the day lol

"I tried so hard to explain to him that if he is expelled they send him to another school with BAD BAD kids, kids that are so much worse than him."

I think that is a terrible thing to say. Even if he ends up going to a school for kids with emotional problems, that could be the best thing for him - at least the teachers there are experienced and trained to deal with kids with emotional difficulties, and the class sizes tend to be much smaller.

His mom is not ready to "give him up?" So you would be so much better as a mother figure? I don't think so..

I do agree with TOS partially, moving in with you and dh may not be the answer. He probably behaves better at your house because he is not there all the time for the day to day stuff (homework, chores, etc.) he is there for the fun and relaxation. Even though the mom can't always cook and has to work later does not make her a "bad" mom. I used to do a lot of afterschool coaching activities and would get home at dinner time, so instead of cooking we would eat out a lot more than usual. I tried to make it Subway or something not so fattening. Other days would be quick stuff like soups, sandwiches, omelettes, etc. I do not think I was a horrible mom, I was just trying to cope with my hours without spending hours in the kitchen instead of seeing my kids. It was a trade-off. If we did something quick for dinner then we had more family time at night.

As far as his behavior, it is ridiculous!! And I do NOT see anything wrong with telling him the school will have bad kids. He needs to know that. He could go there and get bullied, teased, etc. And if he is in a class with a bunch of kids who are out of control how much is he really going to learn? I have been in those kinds of schools and seen what goes on, it is not always positive. Teachers there are trained and the class size is smaller, but it does not always mean that the kids do some magic transformation and behave all day!

mom2emall said what I was going to say. I have been to those schools that are for the "bad" kids and in my opinion they are little more than a way to house a bunch of out of control kids until they are old enough to decide otherwise. I think telling him that he will be there with bad kids is fine to tell him... I think infact I would probably take him there and show him or maybe even take him to the juvenile detention center or look into a possibility of a program like there is here where they take kids that are having behavior issues and take them on a tour of the jail and basically attempt to scare the crap out of them. You didnt say what he is doing to get into trouble but if it isnt anything more than petty attention grabbing nonsense it might be just the ticket to scare him into realizing what he is about to put himself into.

And, I am not really trying to criticize but the fact that you said

"WHEN I TRY AND SPEAK TO MY STEPSON AND EXPLAIN HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO STRAIGHTEN UP IN SCHOOL BECAUSE THE SCHOOL IS READY TO EXPELL HIM AND HES GONNA WIND UP IN THIS HORRIBLE SCHOOL FOR BAD KIDS, HE LAUGHED IN MY FACE, PUT HIS BASEBALL MITT ON HIS HEAD AND STARTED SINGING. ITS DISRESPECTFUL....AND MY HUSBAND IS LETTING THIS GO"

and

"MY HUSBAND HAS THIS GUILT THING GOING ON THAT HE WOULD RATHER IGNORE ALLTHE PROBLEMS JUST TO BE ABLE TO SEE HIS SON"

makes me think that living with you wont necessarily be the answer. If hubby isn't willing to discipline and crack down on his son then what is it really accomplishing to have him live with his dad. While, I am in general a big supporter of boys need a positive male influence in their lives... a father allowing his son to laugh at his wife and sing and dance while she is trying to talk to him is NOT influencing anything positive with his son but rather teaching disrespectful behavior by allowing it to happen in his home to his wife nonetheless. I can tell you if one of our boys did that to me my husband would have blown a fuse with his sons. He certainly would not have ignored it and to be honest that directly contributes to his behavior and the fact that he doesnt take you seriously or anything for that matter (from what it seems) He is not forced to... the example is not set... Dad doesnt even tell me to stop laughing at SM and ignoring her so why should I not continue and for that matter why cant I do it to other people...

Just a comment about the schools...
Our program here for "the kids who were too bad for a regular classroom" is fabulous. The grade 4 class has 8 boys, the teacher and two teacher's assistants. I spent some time with that group doing science outreach and they were a treat to work with.
These kids all had ADD or ODD or some sort of LD that was causing behavioral problems, but were learning to manage it, thanks to this classroom. One kid is so very obviously ADHD; according to the teacher, his mom won't acknowledge it, so he doesn't take meds, but he was learning management techniques and I'm told he was 180 from the kid who arrived a few months ago. It was great to see a classroom set up for these kids and how much it benefited them.

If your SS is really being "threatened" with one of these schools, GO CHECK IT OUT. It could be a disaster waiting to happen, or it could be the best thing that ever happened to him. I only worked with the grade 4s, but I'm told the other grades are just as good in my city.

I will agree that some schools and some classes designed for troubled kids are really good for them... but, when it is the "bad" school and everyone knows it it is usually (in my experiance in our area) not good or even conducive to really helping the kids. I will say that in general I get frustrated with our education system here and that even ESE is only a couple years out of being almost entirely useless.

When we were growing up everyone knew which schools were the "bad kid" school and the students lived up to their reputation and then some.. you could tell which kids just messed up and got themselves stuck there because they were the ones that worked their way out of that school just to get the heck out of there. The others were about two steps away from juve. or jail depending on their age... It is sad and a such a huge waste that they cant figure something better that you know actually helps these kids but right now unfortunately it is what it is.

I am trying to absorb all of the advice here....I must say now that I read what "I" wrote fromt he beginning I left out ALOT. First I understand the replier that said maybe I should not tell him about the BAD school...but you have to understand that little attention seekers that my stepson is doing in school for attention is goign to have him end up in a school with children that FIGHT, and are OUT OF CONTROL. I know someone who works in that district school and she said Dee, you DO NOT want your stepson in there they will chew him up and spit him out. I never said that his mom didn't do the best she could, but I ahve double the amount of children she has. I FOUND the time to check their homework...she doesn't. Yes by 7th grade you should not have to but obviously when the teachers call your home daily, its time. She also does not repremand him for wrong doing. And truly I understand my husband when he says I see him 6-8 days out of the month, I cannot possibly repremand him as he should those few days. My stepson takes showers here without a problem and while home he goes days without. Like I think I mentioned before, I have enough responsibility here with my own children, but I love my stepson and I would do anything to save him from summer school and/or a school where he would not fit in.

A friend of mine has a child who goes to a school for emotionally disturbed children, and from what she has said, it provides an excellent environment. If he is going to transfer out of his current school, his father needs to go to bat for him to make sure that he has an appropriate placement. He does not have to agree to the school's placement decision. It sounds like it may be time to hire an advocate to accompany his parents to team meetings and to fight for the boy.