The child support my husband receives is included in our monthly income. We use it to pay rent, utilities, clothing, before and after school care, medical care, tae kwan do, etc. The amount the BM was ordered to pay is a joke, but I guess it's better than nothing. Of course it would be nothing if my husband hadn't garnished her wages (that was a rant).

I am also very frugal and my husband has learned the word budget. We do have an emergency fund which is just a savings account which has a little money in it. We have been following the Dave Ramsey advise where he says everyone should have at least $1000.00 in an emergency fund while paying down debt. If something comes up, we have the money there for that emergency.

I think you're smart to have the separate account for the CS, if for no other reasons than to minimize potential conflict and to be clear ---between yourself, DH, kids and any ex's--- that money allocated to kids is going to kids. I think it's okay that you sometimes dip into it to cover necessary things like gas, food, etc... Even would be okay if you ever had or wanted to dip into it for something a bit less 'necessary'... provided you re-funded the difference back to the account as soon as you could afterwards. But, in general, I'd try to keep it as much "just kids' expenses" as possible. This minimizes (even if it can't totally eliminate) the need to have to decide, bargain, argue for each and every thing... and it minimizes any obfuscation or misunderstanding about what it's being spent on. Especially if there is ever a conflict with BD over it, you'll have your supporting documentation right there in your bank statements.

besides... gas & food certainly benefit the kids, anyway!

When I started getting child support for my daughter, I opened a savings account and had it directly deposited. I didn't touch that since I wasn't used to getting it and didn't count on it. Since I never received it on a regular basis, I didn't want to count on it either. That was good because it stopped all of a sudden in December. Since it was mostly arrears, it is my money to do with as I choose. (ie. save it for my daughter's use or use for current living expenses or bills) The only amount that I would feel obligated to contribute to our joint account (if it wasn't needed for anything else) is the current monthly amount since that is supposed to cover supporting my daughter currently. (or even arrears that accrue since we've been together would also be joint) and my daughter should be able to have the things she needs taken care of first.

Then I began receiving support for my son in March. I have used that money for our bills because we put $13K on credit cards over the last year to fund our attorney (for the support case and a custody case involving his ex) and we are using it to pay back our credit card. ($7k was for the support case so that is what I am paying back) and when I'm done paying that back, the rest that is owed to me will be mine. It was ordered after my son was 18 so it is ALL arrears and reimbursing what I spent on my son before I even met my husband.

He is taking his ex to court for support now and when it's ordered, I would assume that he will put it in our bill paying account to pay back for his legal fees in his custody/support case and also use it for household expenses since his daughter is 9 and currently, I am using my separate money to pay for things his daughter needs or wants.

I think it does matter whether it's current or arrears and it is intended for the child, not to fund someone else's court case. I would be upset if my husband asked to use my kids' support to pay for his court case. I'd certainly not use it for his court case if that meant my child, for whom it was intended, had to go without something. (even if it was not a 'need') However, child support is intended to cover rent, utilities, food, clothing, etc. and if you are not contributing a fair share to cover your child's living expenses, then the child support should go to that first. I think it would be wrong for a SAHM to expect hubby to pay all the bills and say the child support I get for my child is separate and can only be used on my child.

I rarely got any support until I had been married a year. My ex's fifth trip to county jail seemed to do the trick. Now I use the support mainly for groceries/household, but since about 60% is for arrears, DH feels that is my money. I don't really see what difference it makes. I'm not out spending it on shoes, designer clothes or jewelry. I guess never having it very often made it easier. If CS stopped, the kids would still be fed and clothed and housed.I don't work outside of our home, but do some work for DH's business. I don't punch a clock, or get a paycheck. Basically, I take care of the things he has no time for or hates to do. I know some more progressive women are shrieking in their minds, but it works for us. My full time employment would not raise our net income by much, would not change his workaholic tendencies, and would mean some household work would either be neglected or hired out. Our lawn alone would require a hefty weekly payment.

I think it would depend on how much you receive. A friend of mine pays $2300 per month. There is no way his XW could spend that "on the kids" - they are 4 and 6! If she was on her own she would have a 1-2 bedroom apartment. Because she has the kids she has a 3 bedroom house, with all the bills that go with that (the house is paid for). Taxes, utilities, gas, food - a good portion of that is "for the kids".

Now, if you only get $75 a month, that is a different story. Maybe agree with your DH on an amount that goes towards house expenses and then an amount that goes into a kid's fund (for clothes, activities, summer camp, etc.).

I don't receive child support but we pay it. At first when DH and I were dating I had a problem with us taking this money out of our budget and his ex using it for her then boyfriend's apartment (admittedly by her) She sent countless emails explaining all the ways she was spending specifically his child support on things other than SD. My mom actually put this into perspective for me. The money that the ex gets for SD is to help support SD, it is not specifically for SD. If the ex uses the money to buy herself things that help relieve her stress in the household and make life better for SD then that is fine. I actually agree with this. I think that part of making life better for SD is keeping mom and family happy and if she needs to spend a little extra money on herself or the other kids to keep things right in the house then I am ok with that.

That is just my outlook on it though.

midwestmommy

You make a great point. It kinda sounds like the ex was just trying to rub it in his face that she was using it elsewhere, but the primary question would be: 'is the child's needs being met?' and if so, it doesn't matter what the 'child support' check is used for. Obviously, she was using her own money for the child and using his check (if she really did it that way) for other things. That is no different than using her money for herself and using his money for the child. The result is the same.

But, I stand by differentiating between current support and arrears. I'm owed over $100k in arrears (my youngest will be 18 next month) and if it's ever paid to me (little or by lump), it's MINE. I supported my kids alone all those years before I ever knew my husband. I struggled and so did my kids so it's up to me to spend it how I see fit. On me or them or both, it's not my husband's decision and he doesn't even get an opinion on it. (well, he can always have an opinion, but he knows he has no say in it and agrees that I deserve it)

I put the child support I receive in the family pot. DH pays his child support from the same pot. It works out about even in the end. When we buy for the children, it's on an as-needed basis. Gifts and extras are given as equally as possible for all children.

My ex once told me that I should just be stuffing the child support in a bank account for DD and not using it. That was shortly after we divorced, and money was very tight for me. At that time eating was a priority, not a bank account.

If the child is well-taken care of, then I don't think it's much of the payor's business what exactly the money is used for, and I think it would be kind of ridiculous to try to divvy it out that way.

thanks for the opinions- I see both sides of it clearly but since I already make more than DH and add it all to the family money I don't feel that keeping child support separate is a hardship on our family and I have never been stingy about using the money when needed. I just want to make sure that when I need money for the kids that it is available.

The very small amount we receive goes into the pot, but as it wouldn't even cover her monthly food intake and extra activities I don't see it as a problem. Were it a larger sum I might feel differently, but right now it goes in, we use it to buy her a pack of gum and pretty much call it good. :-)

When I married my wife I was an insta-dad with a 9-year-old stepson. My wife and I were pretty stable financially, and my stepson's biological father seemed to know this and was constantly causing grief about child support. He would even use his own son as a weapon in his "battle" - you know it's true when a 9-year-old comes home from a weekend with dad spouting specific figures his dad is paying and how unfair it is.

We would not bite - even though by the letter of the law he was supposed to pay more than he was actually paying.

What we did was open a 529K account for my stepson - an account geared for education. He did not have any college savings at that point, so I padded it a bit with some initial funds and we had the child support directly deposited into that account.

Stepson is now 18 and heading to college in the fall, and his account is to the point where his education will be pretty much funded (assuming he makes it out in 4 years). Helps that it's a local school, but you get the idea. We were able to use funds from the account to buy him a laptop - and considering that these accounts are investments it made a very decent return over the years as well.

Point is, rather than react and join the fray, having the child support money go to a very conspicuous account ONLY for his son (you cannot remove money from a 529K unless for educational purposes for the person named in the account) ended the sniping from bio-dad and made the next 9 years almost pleasant.

Certainly, should there be a necessity to meet bills and such, the child support would surely be fairly used in that capacity. If it's not a necessity to use that money, I would suggest something like a college fund or some other specific account for the child or children. My $0.02.