I've mentioned on the deadbeat mom thread that DH filed for support and BM was served last Thursday. I had called our attorney on Wednesday to have her hold the papers until Monday so SD won't be around BM when she gets served. Too late, they were mailed out already. So, she got them Thursday (called DH and left a message on his phone that if this is how he wants to play, it's gonna get ugly!) and I tell DH, well, maybe she'll calm down by Friday.
Well, we pick up SD on Sunday and she's quiet. She's been ignoring me ever since we picked her up. She wrote a story about her family and how she loves everyone in her family except me. So, I had a talk with her last night and told her that I don't know what I did to make her ignore me but I don't appreciate being treated that way. (let me be more clear, when she wants something, she smiles at me and then asks really nice, once she gets it, she goes back to ignoring me and even caught her glaring at me a couple of times). I told her that I feel hurt that she wants things from me and I do lots of things for her that I don't have to do, but I do them because I want her to be happy and I thought we liked each other. I told her I don't like to feel like I'm being used and if she really doesn't like me, that's okay.. she doesn't have to like me, but I don't have to do anything extra for her either. She didn't say a word to me the rest of the day.
Later, when DH got home, he went to check her homework and spend time with her. He was talking to her about her homework and she looks at him and says, 'ARE YOU TAKING MY MOM BACK TO COURT!?!' He was blindsided and told her court issues are not her concern. SD then starts crying and tells him that her mommy isn't working and doesn't have a job. Again, he tells her it's between the grown ups, not for her to worry about.
So, now that explains why she is angry at me. Her mom has her angry at both of us. My husband is livid to say the least. He can't understand how she can talk to her kids about this stuff. I told him that there isn't much he can do about it, she didn't have a problem having sex with her boyfriend when her kids were in the same room with her and she didn't see it as wrong to let her daughter's read two nasty break up letters her ex boyfriend gave her. DH wants to file contempt charges on BM for discussing things because the court order says neither party is to discuss the court case with the child.
This is mostly a rant because I'm frustrated with my step daughter coming back and being so cold toward me when we've seemed to be moving forward and getting along great. I have my own issues with a fear that history is repeating itself. I've heard of successful step parent/child relationships but my dad treated my stepsister as his own for twenty years and she ended up suing him and cutting him off from her life and her kids, who he was also attached to. It was devastating for him and he was depressed over it for a long time.. I think he still is. And when my exBF cut me off from his kids, I was also hurt. I've tried to reconnect with them but they are not interested. It's very hard to allow yourself to get emotionally involved in someone else's child and when he child seems to be pretending to like you so they can get what they want and then talking crap about you behind your back, it's tough to deal with. I care a lot for my step daughter and sometimes I feel love for her, but it's hard when she goes back and forth and tells her mom that I'm terrible to her when I try so hard to make her whole situation better.
imamommyOriginal Author
theotherside
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