when is enough enough?

sandracis

I have posted here before and always get good advice. My story: 2.5 year relationship, he has a young child, we live together and the child stays with us part time. Also relevant is the fact that this man cheated on me with the child's mother as well as someone else, confusing my feelings still although it happened a year ago. My question is, how do you decide if and when to end. relationship? I really love my spouse and his child but I am starting to have doubts about the long term stress and aggravation this relationship brings me. A huge part of the problem is the lack of boundaries between my bf and his ex. I have asked and asked and asked that when I find something inappropriate, he actually addresses it with her, but he never seems to agree with me on what is appropriate and what is not. For instance, she recently asked him to dinner with her and her family. This crosses a line to me and considering his history of infidelity, I have requested no extra communication between them apart from about the child. He says this isn't a big deal and anyways, "he isn't the one doing it, she is." I'm just feeling tired of everything and questioning whether I want my energy, money, and focus to forever flow outside of my relationship. I also wonder about missing out on having that unique "first time" experience of having a child with someone. How can I figure out what's best for me without regretting walking away OR staying?

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Amber3902

>>how do you decide if and when to end a relationship? When the your partner continues to repeat the same behavior you have an issue with, and any improvements are small or nonexistent.

For example, you ask BF not to communicate with BM except regarding their child. Instead of him agreeing to doing this, he makes excuses and justifies communicating with BM when it has nothing to do with their child.

However, I have to say, you can't control if BM is contacting him, that's not his fault. But if he is responding to her communications and entertaining her questions, that is on him.

You also should end a relationship when you see your partner regressing. For example, I dated a man with a 7 year old son. BF did not want to discipline or make his son mind. We talked about this and BF started improving in this regard. However, many times he would regress back to his old behavior. For every step he would take forward, he would take two back. Eventually I realized he was never going to truly change how he parented his son and I broke up with him.

You have to realize what is "good enough" for you in a relationship and what you will not compromise on. Once you've determined that, you can decide if your needs are being met in a relationship or if you need to end it.

I have to say, I've never regretting walking away from a relationship, I've only regretted staying longer than I should have.

Good luck to you.

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sylviatexas1

' I've never regretting walking away from a relationship, I've only regretted staying longer than I should have. '

good point.

It sounds like you're in a squirrel cage, & no matter how fast you run, you never get anywhere.

In fact, the faster you run, the more you exhaust yourself.

I wish you the best.

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