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Do it all again?

18 years ago

I have to ask the question: If you could go back in time would you do it all again? Would you marry a person with children? Would you take the step-children in full-time? Is it sometimes just too much to even have the step-kids part-time? Do you ever feel like just taking your own kids and leaving?

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Comments (5)

mom2emall
18 years ago
I know a while back there was a similar post with many answers to this.

I would do it again. I love my stepkids and they really are wonderful. Their bm is the one who has been too much at times, but compared to some bm's she is not so bad I guess.

If my skids were hard to handle and their bm was the type to stalk me and call children services and things like that for no reason then my answer would be different.

But in my situation I am happy. Sometimes money issues anger me, with bm not paying any cs but I guess if we were a family with 4 kids and they were both our children then we would be in the same financial situation.

I have never felt like just taking my own child and leaving.
imamommy
18 years ago
I agree with mom2emall.

Some days, I might say never again, but most days I don't have any regrets. I hate that her bm changed (or just showed her true colors) and that it was more than I bargained for, but at the end of the day, it's more worth it than not. If my DH no longer appreciated what I do and my SD hated and resented me for trying, then I might change my mind.

The money issue isn't a big one really, it doesn't become an issue until we don't have enough. Taking care of the children's needs are our priority, and as long as we can do that, there is no problem. The bigger issue is dealing with a bm that doesn't share that priority. It's irritating when she can't pay a doctor bill, but can try to buy the affections of her own child. It's sad to see a parent not realize that the child would love her regardless, just because she's mom.
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tiredofthedrama
18 years ago
If you would have ask me this a year or so ago I would probably have said HE** NO.

At this point I would definately do it all again. I have learned so much from this marriage/relationship. He is my best friend and I think I am his. He loves my 1st child who is not his like his own. And I think we are so much better off with DH then with my ex-husband. I am crazy about my skids. I wish we got to spend more time with them even though our house is like a zoo when all 4 of our kids are together.

My DH and I were talking about this the other day because I will get on to him if I feel that he is not doing what he needs to for the skids. I told him that I knew he had kids when I married him, and I accepted that and everything that came along with that. Also with me being a mother with an ex I would want him to treat his ex the way I would like to be treated. And children need a mother and a father even if they are not together.
jerseystepmom
18 years ago
I came into my marriage with no kids of my own, so taking on a full time SS who was 13 at the time was a bit overwhelming (I did it to myself wanting to be the perfect mom!). However, having a mostly estranged older SD, and my husband's ex who is a crazy lady......it has been very very difficult. If someone asked me for advice, I would tell them that they better think long and hard about it because it is harder than you even think it will be.....

My sisters and I joke that the only thing worse than being a Mom to teenagers (who appreciate nothing, are totally self center, sometimes lazy, sloppy, etc. ). . . is being a StepMom to teens! All the parenting with none of the glory!

So, I love my husband and am happy to, as my friend says, "do this [raising a SS] for society" so that he doesn't turn out like his mother! So, for him and having my husband, yes, but I would not recommend it nonchalantly -- it is a huge undertaking!
analytical1
18 years ago
JOSIE37 -

The thread was called "hindsight," so you could do a search for that and pull up the various responses given by the ladies on this forum. Folks were very honest and insightful. It was the original poster, so I remember it vividly. And, even though I ended up getting back together with my boyfriend (after a couple of months of being broken up, which appears to be the best thing that ever happened to our relationship), I truly appreciate their insight. Check it out. It's pretty thorough. Lots of different perspectives. The comments you've received thus far are mild in comparison.

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