help for Misti's upcoming call

18 years ago

I thought since writing down notes is quite painful for her (see her recent post under Stepmoms & Bio-moms) that we could all help. Perhaps this can be a post for us all to give ideas of things to say, or a place to for her to leave a quick thought and walk away before it becomes too much. This could all be printed and used to get through the phone call at the plea hearing.

Misti, though we haven't all been through the pain you deal with daily we admire your strength and wish you only the best in the upcoming days.

Hugs to you.

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Comments (12)

dotz_gw
18 years ago
Great idea Martha AND KKNY AND TOS DONT EVEN THINK OF POSTING HERE!!!!!!
nivea
18 years ago
Hi Misti,

I read through your other posts where you were concerned about crying. Honey, do NOT worry about that. No one there expects you to be a rock. I think it makes more sense to be emotional about something like this.

I also do think that you should tell everything you know. The middle finger and all. That says a lot about this guy.

I am curious, did he ever contact you to say he was sorry?\

Good luck and I'll be sending good thoughts and strength your way.
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june0000
18 years ago
Misti:

I read about your fears on what to say durimg the call. I think you are 100% on the right track:

"I don't know if I should bring up everything ugly about this man" - You could tell them that you have thought about discussing the kind of character he has, but you don't need to say it. His actions speak volumes.

"I don't know if I should tell him what a beautiful child he took, should I tell him what he's done to me?" Yes - and don't hold back. I think once you start, the words will flow and don't be afraid to cry, because you probably will. Speak from your heart.

"I have never really had alot of anger at him...more at myself for moving to FL, for working that day, for letting her stay at a friends" Let them know that you have blamed yourself throughout your grieving process but you couldn't predict what he would do and the blame rests squarely with him.

Do you remember Sharon Rocha, the mother of Laci Peterson? She spoke right from the heart and wasn't afraid to let people see and hear her cry. She was out for justice for her daughter and she got it.

Keep posting, Misti. I have a feeling you will find the words to be your little girl's voice.
sylviatexas1
18 years ago
The most powerful statements are the ones that "stay with" the perspective of the speaker.

Talk about Brittani, about her life, what she meant in your life, the shattering effect of her loss to your present life & to your future life.

holding you in my thoughts & in my heart & sending you prayers for strength, for focus, for protection, & for clarity & eloquence.
mistihayes
18 years ago
Thanks to all of you. I'm tearful reading these responses. You all are very caring people & I appreciate it. I think I will write some things down & call the prosecutor tomorrow. It's hard to know what will have the most effect with your emotionally involved like this. But what you guys have written, sounds like what I want to let him know. I want Brittani to be proud of me & do what's right for her. But in Heaven, I don't know if me cursing this man would make her happy. I question so much of my previous beliefs now. I'm definetly going to tell them the stories of Brittani handing out flowers at the hospital. I would have her go w/ me to the sick patients who I got close too. She would draw them pictures & give them those big stuffed flowers. OK enough, better stop.
dotz_gw
18 years ago
Misti, You re already on the right track, Brittani will help you know what to say..More I read from you, more I admire you.ie, would she want me to curse the man from heavan...I am humbled by you, thanks for coming into MY life in a way to make ME want to be a better person.....Dotz
hecallsmemom
18 years ago
Misti,
I applaud your bravery, not all could do what you have and still be sane. As another griving mother I congratulate you on standing up for what you believe and for making the effort to stand strong and fight rather than fall apart. You are the bravest of the brave.

Go after this SOB with everything you've got, use your grief, your rage, your pain, and your tears as weapons to bring this man to justice. In my heart I feel that Brittani would want you to have the closure of that and myself as someone in your position, I know you need it. It will help you heal as much as anyone who has lost a child is able.

You're in my thoughts.

Nadjia
dirt_yfingernails
18 years ago
Someone mentioned Brittani's memorial site, anyone have a link?

Misti, I agree with everything everyone has written here. Tears are okay as you remember how sweet and wonderful your little angel was.
mistihayes
18 years ago
I have Brittani's memorial on my "favorites". But I know if you google her name, that it's the first thing that comes up. I type in Brittani or Melissa LaFollette. Thank you! As soon as the trial is over, I'm going to write something much nicer.
bnicebkind
18 years ago
Melissa, I weep with you as I look at the pictures of your precious little girl, and for your loss. May a peace beyond all understanding cover you, and bring you comfort on the days when the loss of your daughter is overwhelming.

As for your step daughters, if they grow up to be good people one day, they will be horrified by their own behavior, and think less of a mother who allowed or encouraged them to behave this way.

Tell their father that this is one of those "teaching moments" in life, where he expects better of any child of his. That he would not allow them to treat a stranger that way, let alone his wife. That as their father, he loves them, and because he loves them, he cares deeply about their character and what kind of human beings they are. That he should be disappointed in their behavior, and frankly, in them. He should remind his daughters that when they hurt you, they hurt him. To remind them that just as it is his job to protect them, it is his job to also protect you, his wife, even if it is from his own beloved children.

And when the hurt from these girls clouds your day, remember that they are teenagers, and they do not yet grasp how hurtful their behavior really is. They are foolish, and the life of teen girls is filled with such foolish drama. One day they will grow up and they will see things through the eyes of a woman, and cringe at the things they did.
mistihayes
18 years ago
bnicebkind,
Thank you. Brittani was my world. When you're used to hearing "Mama" every few hours & then her voice is suddenly silenced, it's devastating to say the least.
Your words are many of my thoughts. When they get older, I think they will see things alot different. I have never thought of the "When they hurt me, they hurt him". That's a good approach. I'm going to print this up & give it to him to read. Thanks again
catlettuce
18 years ago
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers to give you strength to get through this terribly difficult task.

I think you should just speak from your heart Misti, of course there will be tears but you deserve to have your say at the very least, and the Judge & jury need to hear you. Don't hold back.

Big big hugs to you XXX

help for Misti's upcoming call

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