One of my closest friends lives two blocks from me and has a daughter just a few months older than my DD, they are both 9 right now. Of course in the beginning we thought how fun for the four of us to do things together. We'd get together at each other home for coffee and bring the girls to play together. Always invited the other's daughter to birthday parties. Finally we recognized, these two don't click. Yeah, they *can* get along, and play together respectfully, there is no conflict. But they would not initiate playing together, after a while they get bored with each other, have nothing else to talk about, and generally think the other is "strange." My friend planned a party for her daughter's most recent birthday. At some point in a conversation she just said to me, "I hope you aren't offended, but B didn't put C on her guest list." She considered inviting C (my DD) anyway, b/c of our friendship. But decided the girls are old enough to choose their own friends. I was absolutely NOT offended. I see as well as she does that these girls do not click. My own DD would not be interested in B's party, she would declare the whole affair "too girly." Sure, she'd behave and be polite, but she'd be disinterested and want to leave as soon as possible. I agree that kids must learn to get along with all personalities and special needs. You never know what surprises await in new people, and you have to get to know them to find out. My kids' friends reflect different cultures, religions, and special needs and just plain quirks. One of DS#2's closest friends is deaf, wears cochlear implants, and it can be very frustrating to communicate with him. But the boys are together almost every day and make it work. We had some neighbors who drove my kids nuts, but I talked to them about how to make it work for at least a little while from time to time. I didn't make them play every time the boy rang our doorbell, but I didn't let them avoid the boy if they were all outside. Despite the fact that he could trip while walking, I encouraged my boys to give him skates and sticks they've outgrown to let him play street hockey with them... b/c he just wants to learn what they're doing. He had some learning disability and didn't socialize well, either. I did give my kids instructions on how to talk to him, to be direct and clear, literal with their words. He didn't get "between the lines." They needed to learn that, but when playing with him was all work on their part, they don't need to develop it any further. They did their part, but don't need to be responsible for his socialization. At the same time, kids deserve to have their feelings respected. If they say they don't want a close friendship with a person, it need not be forced for the purpose of life lessons. Especially when it is based on having spent time with the person and learning that they don't have a lot in common. We can learn to get along with everyone, but that's not the same as investing emotions and time into a friendship. Mom2emall's DS can learn to make it work when they are together, but should have his feelings respected and not be pushed to host playdates. Also, no kid needs to be the object of a "pity friendship." The other child deserves to be in a friendship with kids who have common interests and have fun being with him, who like him for who he is; not with kids who are with him so parents can teach them to be friends with people who are "different." That's condescending. The friendship my DS has with his friend who is deaf works b/c DS really has fun with the boy, not b/c DS is being charitable. It works b/c of mutual interests and complementary personalities... the way friendships are supposed to work. They really are quite a pair! Incidentally, the met b/c his mom and I were friends first, too. However, the boys' friendship as surpassed ours! They just hit it off the first time they met. Picking your own friends and getting along with (almost) everyone is not mutually exclusive. When the families are together let your DS know that it is a short time and they can find something to do that works for everyone. Regarding requests for playdates, I would agree to have the boy over if it helped my friend out with her schedule. But I think I'd just be honest, decline and say "I really wish our boys hit it off better, and maybe they will when they get older."

When we built our pool it was mainly because of our grandchildren. Upfront, I shared that I would not be a pool 'baby sitter'. If my nieces and nephew's children wanted to come one of the parents have to bring them and stay with them.....they are free to use the pool anytime that way. As the children have gotten older age 12, they think the kids are old enough to come by themselves but I have cont. to say an adult must be with them. I would not open up the pool to people I do not even know. They would have to be friends with my family and come with that family member. I feel if you open it up to all, you will never have any peace. Other rules I have.....no horse-play, no running around the pool, no ducking others, no jumping onto a float. Clean up after yourself! (These are my rules. When I am not here, if the parents allow their children to do any of above then the responsibility is theirs. They know my rules.) If I find they are allowing them to jump onto a float and I see it I correct that immediately....to much danger of hitting head on cement side I think.) Start out like you can hold out! Easier to relax rules than to tighten them.

Oh come on, mkroopy, just keep the bonds going if for now only when nobody can 'see' you LOL. She's going to look back on the great father she had growing up as a child one of these days and she's going to know the old guy really really loves her even when she was a butthead. You might ry letting her invite one of her best buddies along occassionaly. While it's not exactly one on one, it's still well spent time with your daughter. The day will come too when she is old enough for a boyfriend and you can pretty well rest assured that the bohfriend will think the guy willing to take them doing all the boating, fishing, blah blah is pretty cool. I never bought a boyfriend home that did not suddenly discover all the cool stuff my father did (hunting, fishing, workshop, gunsmith ect ect) and I'd find myself once again hunting during season if I wanted to see my boyfriend on those weekends, fishing, refilling shells in the workshop blah blah. I have a hunch it won't be very long before your daughter appreciates all the skills and fun things you've taught her to enjoy and do. I don't shoot animals, but I loved wildlife photography while my father and my boyfriend (now husband) sat under a tree waiting for Bambi to come along. Give her time, she's just at that stage. She likely does not want to be seen with her mother either unless Mom's getting her hair done or clothes shopping (Mom, could you just give me your credit card and drop me off?)

That would get 'old' really fast. My kids have been fortunate in that all schools (GS through HS)have been a spit from our front door. All on one piece of property less than 1 to 2 blocks from home (depending on building). I did take the ones in GS to school in mornings and pick-up in afternoon. Not because they could not walk but because it was safer. The parents would zip in and out like crazed road racers trying to get kid to school and off to the city by x time. Or it was the HS kids driving to school like the crazed road racers with a bit of showing off how 'cool' they were in their monster trucks. There was never any thought or concern over any kid who might happen to get in their way. By the time my kids were across the field in the HS building (direct shot from my front door and a slow street) they were on their own in getting there and home. In your case, IMO, any kid who can run around for a few hours at football practice can hike it home less than a mile. Any kid who 'forgot' something 1)can do without forgotten object 2)walk over and get it, or 3)let Dad swing by and pick it up on his way home. The only one who might have gotten a last minute notice ride from me would have been the kid who had to be at work. Is it the kids or the parents? I think it's a bit of both. But as a parent I would not impose on another adult to haul my kids around to places/events that were in safe walking distances except for in the event of extreme weather and/or an emergency. If I wanted to play chauffeur, fine, but the kids would have to understand that when and if I were not available they have two healthy feet that can replace me now and then. Taking advantage of someone else's day off to run my busy, lazy (?) kids would not be an option.