I just dug through my old emails and I found it. The response is from the new wife.

She sounds pretty sneaky. (That answering-his-email-like-she's-him thing gets under my skin.) Maybe ex put the sending of the package in his wife's charge and SHE never sent it and is now accusing YOU of hiding it from DD in order to orchestrate some elaborate ruse to make you look bad. (Just a thought. Sounds super-dramatic, but I don't put too much past people who evidence certain tendencies.) I'd try to find out for sure that HE was the one who packed, addressed and sent it. If she had intereference on any part of the process she could have sabotaged it.

Let's hope the situation isn't so soap-opera silly, though, and that the package arrives today!

maybe this is a little blunt but.. I would be very tempted to tell ex that he needs to man up and put a leash on his wife (now I know that is not the best phrase to use ...but nonetheless) I mean really... what kind of man would allow his wife to interfere to the point of throwing away court papers and answering emails pretending to be him.

Now on the flip side... there is always a possibility that he is the one initiating the whole email answer and blaming new wife for court papers he didnt see... when it is actually him saying baby I cant deal with this will you just email her back... or oh I misplaced the court papers I have no idea what they said... oh well I am just going to say you 'accidentally threw them away' that way hopefully I won't get in trouble.

Either way... I am a sm and the "new" wife and I am very open about the fact the Dh and I share everything and I am aware of all communication between him and ex and he always talks to me before commiting to dates and making plans and even when there is a sit down because of something dealing with the kids we usually discuss it before hand and after...BUT I do not answer emails pretending to be him ... I don't restrict converstation and I almost never accompany him on these little sit down chats that have happened in the past... That is a big no no ... we do what we need to do on our end... it is his responsibility to deal with ex in person.

I personally wouldnt even email him anymore.. and I wouldnt talk to her at all ... just tell him whatever you need to tell him when you have him on the phone and that way there is no interference... and if she is really interefering of her own will (and not encouraged by ex) I wouldnt even leave messages with her...cut off communication completely... As far as court papers and what not...he needs to deal with that ...who cares if he is contempt that is his own problem.

And as far as the package goes I am a big fan of sarcastic logic... I would have probably said something to the extent of Really? What good would it do me to throw away your package that you sent? Let's think about this 1.daughter is getting upset just about everyday and I pwerhaps you don't realize it but that is not exactly fun and games for me and 2.I have you calling me everyday and now getting angry at me and well just making my day suck... No, I didn't throw away the package..try tracking it or something otherwise we will call you when we recieve it ...other than that I really dont want to hear another word about it and I certainly will not listen to even the slightest sound from you accusing me of doing something so childish that if you really think about it makes absolutely no sense.

wow, this SM sounds like a piece of work. Probably a very insecure person to try to control everything. I blame this on your exhusband. He should sit down with her and tell her to stop answering emails and cutting communication. How dare she do that?!
I'm a SM and as much as biomom accuses me of interfering its false. I've never intervened in emails, phone calls or stopped communication with his kids. I encourage the communication. As for scheduals, my DH and I always discuss our scheduals and plans. Were open about it. WE have has kids EOW and as long as that stay consistant we are both happy. We need stability so he is very strict on not swapping weekends. Period. BUt this SM is interfering...answering emails on his behalf??? WHat is wrong with him?
Anywas....Tell your ex from now on that communication is only and only between you and him. As for sending packages, tell him to send them personally. His new wife is not to be trusted from the sounds of it.
SHe has a lot of guts or stupidity as a person to be throwing documents out.
I keep all my husbands documents in order...organization is something he lacks:) But i dont throw them and i ask permission if i may read them..he's open about that too with me but in the end i tell him its his job to handle that end with his ex. I dont need to handle that and i wont.

mom of 4 makes very good points on this issue, especially the package tracking #!

Sorry if anyone is offended by saying new wife, I just can't bring myself to say stepmom as she has not done anything but create problems. And yes, I blame my ex too.

I guess I could call her Stepmom 2, as he was married before her and I absolutely loved Stepmom 1. My ex was never very aware of what was going on, but I can honestly say that with Stepmom 1 and when he was single there wasn't any big problems.

Even with being found in contempt of court, he still can't understand that the documents were sent to him, signed by new wife. He still believes that he didn't receive them and new wife couldn't possibly be lying.

Anyway, when we do speak by phone she is either on the phone making comments or in the background. So, I started emailing him and I noticed the replies were definitely not his style of writing.

I will definitely ask about the tracking #!

Also, I just wanted to add that I hope no one takes this as a BM bashing a new wife/stepmom. It is just my situation. In fact, I've noticed that mom2emall seem to have the most in common with our situations even though she is SM and I'm BM.

i don' know about anyone else... but i certainly wasnt offended. It just makes me mad when people act like that and even more angry when I see fathers that allow things like that to happen... It is all so immature and ridiculous.

Nivea, Its just bad people doing this stuff, could be BM or Sm, just rotten apples and sour grapes..We ve got lack of character people involved, in my case was (and is)BM always trying to cause grief..We had the whack emails(finally got judge to stop them) and contempt of court(judge forgot to sign order for a lousy 10 buck a week raise in CS, sigh, drive out of state for this one, another lost day of pay....One pick up day, she came out of the house on a rolling ugly 10 minute tirade WAS HE BUYING ME A HOUSE!!!! Geez, EX that wouldnt be any of YOUR business....At that point I asked my DH, can we just have NO contact, no talking, this will just get worse dealing with someone irrational...So they have not spoken in years, but she still finds ways to try to hurt, or insult, us, even tho we ve been the grown ups and just ignore her....Last weekend she sent SS back with 2 sweaters I bought the boys for Christmas 3 YEARS AGO unworn.. I didnt comment to SS.., but I bet that drove her crazy when she asked him what I said about it, and no reaction....I m not sure what the message was, but still trying to get under our skin years after not speaking...Sick, sick unhappy people, Ignoring them is the best tactic..Sometimes you just cant deal with them like you said a grown up....

That kinda reminds me of my son's step mom that sent a card to my son that said "here's $5 for you" but the card was empty. She called and asked my son if he got the money and he said no. She tried to convince him I took it but he had been the one to get the card out of the mailbox and opened it himself.

and Nivea, she sounds exactly like my SD's BM. She isn't that way with us, but her BF's ex wife says she won't let him out of her sight to pick up his kids or when he's on the phone, she's right there telling him what to say or making comments. It's all about her insecurity & immaturity. It's sad because the guy would allow her to interfere with his relationship with his kids.

But the responsibility is HIS. My DH has had me write responses to his ex's emails, but only because he doesn't know how to word it correctly... he comes across sounding like an ass, and I try to use a kinder tone & his spelling sucks. He tells me what he wants to say and I write it. I would never send something without his approval and I would certainly never interfere with his mail. I wonder what she must be thinking when her husband is found in contempt and she knows she's the one that signed for the court papers? If he is fined or has a penalty, doesn't she feel guilty or responsible? That's insane!

I agree, it is ultimately his fault.

I don't know what she was thinking. And the funny part is that those documents would have ultimately lowered his monthly child support amount!

i think people have to have their own email addresses even if they are married.

Does he have a work email you can email him at? If not, I would show him the emails you believe are from her and tell him he needs to get a private email address (such as gmail or Yahoo) where you can reach him without her deleting them.

Otherwise I'd send everything return receipt requested. Someone's signature will be required.

...and definitely save/print all emails you send to him, especially if they are at all important/child-related.

DH and I have seperate email addresses, but a question, do your DHs have your password and vice versa? We dont have each others..Common, or not?

Oh IMA, my parents knew some broke ass people who used to give an empty card and say the money blew away...Maybe your kids fin blew away...LOL

How about a gift card with no money on it!!!! Happend to my niece ... 2 cards same party. rotten I tell ya just rotten. My sister brings her to the mall the spend her gift cards and no money on the gift cards there's my sister paying for more gifts.

dotz- my dh and i have all of each others passwords to emails and well pretty much everything else..

I have had the no money on gift card thing happen...but it turned out that the kids stuck it in the card and didnt really know that you were supposed to put money on it.

I think it is quite common for guys' new wives to write emails pretending to be him. My exH's wife does it all the time, and it is blatantly obvious (as I am sure it is to ima's husband's exW). I'd much rather get a poorly written or even nasty email from my ex (or anyone else) than one written by an imposter. There is nothing more disrespectful than dishonesty.

I guess I should be grateful that my exH's current wife hasn't, as far as I know, thrown out any court documents.

BF asked me to read X's emails few times because he was really mad at what she wrote and wanted my opinion. I refuse reading it, I don't want to see it. I heard several phone messages and that was more than enough for me. Besides leaving nasty messages or making nasty phone calls she left very strange messages on his cell phone couple of times that made no sense. We think maybe she calls intoxicated or tries to play a game. She is manic depressive but some messages she leaves sound more like schizophrenic.

BF likes to tell me what he wrote back in response to her nasty emails and I usually don't want to know what he wrote back either. I find her very toxic and prefer to stay as far away as I can. It is funny that BF doesn't like to listen anything related to my X and yet I have to read his X's emails. ha. No, thank you very much.

I have often written emails to biomom with DH sitting next to me as I can usually say what is needed a little softer and with more eloquence. DH has a habit of being brisk and abrupt, and we have found she responds better to my style. She is aware of this, and sometimes just sends the emails directly to me. It's funny - things of a somewhat legal nature are addressed to DH, but if she needs a schedule change or to know about a practice or something they are addressed to me, or the both of us. DH and I share the same home email.

I think Nivea's ex needs to rein in his spouse as well, but it is possible he does not feel the need to, which is a shame. It's one thing to help compose an email, but it's another to do it without consulting the addressee.

I'm a little surprised that adults share emails. Anyway my X only has work email, so that is where I email him. I would not like it if his SO got involved in anything re DD. He should be taking the lead on those things.

I'm surprised too - I know a few couples who do, but generally only one person is a regular computer user. Every ISP I know of will provide multiple email addresses to their customers, not to mention all the sites that will give you a free email address. I can't imagine sharing an email address - I would no more do that than I would have introduced myself as Mrs. Husband'sFirstName Husband'sLastName, like people in my mother's generation used to do. It must get confusing if your Aunt Mildred emails you and your spouse opens it and then forgets to tell you, and you don't notice it because it is no longer new.

not confusing at all - we both check the email nightly and don't delete anything intended for the other person. Outlook groups the emails by days, so it's pretty easy to scan a days worth of email for anything that might be ours. We go have gmail and hotmail accounts, but those are usually for specific purposes, such as DH's fantasy football and my volunteering. We also have work emails. I guess I look at it like what do we have to hinde?

My DH and I don't share email addresses (or passwords) but we both have our passwords saved so we can read each other's if we want (we have nothing to hide from one another) but I've never read his, I don't think he's ever read mine. We have great communication and talk every night, so there isn't any problem 'forgetting' to tell each other anything. My DH's exGF (I've never met his exW, they didn't have kids) thinks everything DH says is me telling him what to say and I'm sure she thinks that every message/email/text she gets is from me. It's not. He has his own mind. He writes the majority of messages but when it gets to the point they are having conflict, then I can write more eloquently (as Martha put it) and I also write more concise. She has been trying very hard lately to draw him (and me) into a fight with her and I'm a lot more patient than he is and I can tolerate more. He gets irritated and wants to tell her off. We usually talk and he won't communicate with her when he's upset. We've learned several techniques for avoiding conflict and disengaging.

I think maybe because I spent most of my life single I value my privacy. Not like i have anything to hide but I like to be my own person. It is not about hiding. Don't you have anything you want to talk to on the phone without spouse listening? Sometimes my DD writes me emails with something that is private info, I would not want anyone else to read it without her consent. She sometimes complains about something and it is not something I would want a guy to read. Even if he would be DH. I just don't get it. My GF wrote to me about gyn. problem she has, why would i want a man to read it without her knowing?

I m with you Fine...Need the privacy too, nothing to hide, but what I write to my girlfriends, like asking their opinions,or fantasies, like the one where its graduation day at my kick boxing class, and my teacher comes up and tells me I m the best student he s ever had, and THEN I run into EX on the street on the way home and Yell ITS GO TIME!!!!!!! Nah, I guess I d even let him see that...He d laugh too....LOL

All I can say is THANK GOODNESS nobody sends/tells me their GYN problems... in an email no less. I value my privacy too, that's why those things should be discussed at the doctor's office. Most of my email is work related and spam. (or the wonderful bill payment reminders) Most of his email is from his friends that forward jokes to him or spam. I guess we are just boring people that don't get or send much 'private' or 'personal' emails. All of our kids live with us so none of them send emails. His ex doesn't like to put anything in writing (because she likes to deny what she said later on) so her emails are usually a response to his.

and Fine, having access to each other's email (and that doesn't mean we do access it, but we could) is not the same as a spouse listening on the phone. There's no reason to do that. If DH wants me in on a conversation, he tells BM and puts the phone on speaker. It's usually if she brings me up, he will tell her that he's putting it on speaker. I'm sure it pisses her off but if she is going to complain about me, I should hear what she has to say and be able to explain my side. He can't answer for me, only I can. If he has a conversation with her, he usually tells me what was said if he feels I should know. I don't 'listen in'. But most of the time, it impacts me. (like when she says she's going to be late getting SD and I have to get her. Personally, she should be calling me to ask me if I can, not calling DH and telling him how it's gonna be)

I guess I'm confused - just because we share an email doesn't mean we open each others email, so why can't there still be privacy? I don't open things I know are for him, nor does he open mine. If we don't recognize the sender who ever gets to it first will open it.

Ima, I think a parent should contact the other parent. If the parent chooses to ask his spouse to do something, then that is for them. And if my X ever put his GF on a speaker phone with me, I would hang up (but I doubt he would ever do that).

it would be OK for spouses to share emails and read and even answer each other emails IF the person who sends them is aware of it. Most of the time other people are not aware.

iammommy your grown children still live with you but mine lives 7 hours flight away. it Is not realistically doable to discuss anything on the phone daily. If something needs to be told it is daily over the email. As about friends most of my best friends live 10-11 hours flight away. and when my best friend gets ovarian cancer, it is told in the email first. For so many people around the world internet is the most important way of communication. And yes I would feel obligated to tell them that somebody else besides me will be reading their emails daily. especially if it is a man.

I know you read your children's communication and their BMs without permission, now it turns out you read everybody else's too.

"I know you read your children's communication and their BMs without permission, now it turns out you read everybody else's too."

Where do you get that I read everybody else's too?

and kkny, if BM doesn't want to be on speaker phone with me, she can hang up too. It's not going to do her any good to whine to DH about things she says I'm doing because he will tell her that if she has a problem with me, she needs to deal with me. What good is it going to do for her to tell him to tell me something, then I'm supposed to say 'well, you tell her this' and she says 'well, you tell her that'. That's very immature and if she can't say it to my face, then it's her problem. I don't need to hide behind my DH or put him in the middle. Grown ups talk to each other and work out problems. Little kids may go to the parent and say 'can you tell SM ......' but as a grown up, I will go to the person I have the issue with and discuss it directly. If there is a threat of violence, then yes, a mediator should be used, and DH is not a mediator.

Ima, Your DH is the parent, he is the one legally responsible. HIs X should deal with the one accountable for any decisions/treatment of children. That would be him. If a parent of a child visiting at my house had an issue with how the aupair treated the child, I would expect a call.

that's true but if you had a concern about how the au pair was treating your child, wouldn't you discuss it with the au pair? And I'm not an au pair. I don't get paid enough (or anything) for all that I do. (and as primary care provider for her child, DH may not have the information she wants/needs, I do.)

Ima, I understand where you are coming from.

However, I believe it is a very delicate balance. If BM has a problem with communicating with a third party, then it should just be between BM and DH.

The reason I say this is because legally if there was to be any problems, Judges do not like having the third party involved with the ncp. And they wonder about what the Bio with custody is doing if they have the new spouse doing the leg work.

"And yes I would feel obligated to tell them that somebody else besides me will be reading their emails daily. especially if it is a man."

Would your BF really open an email if he knew you were the intended recipient, FD?

Ima, If I had an issue with MY aupair, I would discuss it with her. If I had an issue with a friend's or mother of one of my DD friends, I would discuss it with the mom (unlikely the Dad, but possible).

nivea, I agree with you. DH and BM should communicate with each other. But if she calls him to tell him to tell me something because she has a problem with me or something I'm doing, I would think that she'd get better results by calling me directly. It turns into a big drama when she goes to him because she doesn't control herself when she calls him, she gets him at work where he can't really talk and yells at him. Most of the time, he calls me and can only reiterate to me, part of the conversation. Then I'm supposed to respond to him so he can call her back and give her my side of the story? Half of the message can get lost in translation or he forgets everything she said or maybe he interprets it differently than she intends. It gets very confusing, when she could easily let me know what the problem is (with me) and I can respond to it. If it's an issue about their daughter that DH can handle, he does. But, her complaints are stupid to say the least. She will call him and yell at him because I take SD to girl scouts or bake cookies with her. Then she will call him up the next day to tell him she can't be here on time and to have me watch her daughter until she gets here.

Even my daughter (17) noticed that I'm damned if I get along with SD (BM calls DH to yell at him that I am not her mom, she is) and I'm damned if I don't (BM calls DH to yell at him that she doesn't like the way I treat her DD or DD is not happy living here).

and when we were in court, the Judge commented on how lucky SD is to have a SM like me. He was impressed with all of my efforts to build a relationship with SD. That only pissed off BM and she stormed out of the courtroom. Then, I just found out today that BM called SD's therapist to get info on her sessions. I don't know what the therapist told her, other than she's doing well living here and that I'm a good SM to SD and she shouldn't be worried about SD living here, that she's doing much better. That was a few days before BM started accusing me of abusing SD. (by giving her peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in her lunch, because SD hates peanut butter although nobody has ever told me that until I was accused of being abusive in my lunch making.)

I agree that the court doesn't like a new spouse that butts into the custody situation and makes waves, but in my case, BM is the one making all the waves because she has a problem with me. The court saw that and made mention of it. It's not always the step parent that causes problems but if they do, somebody should stop it, either their spouse (bio parent) or the court.

With hotmail, yahoo, and my work email, if you open an email, read it, and delete it, the next email opens automatically. It would be very difficult to avoid opening someone else's emails if more than one person shared the email address.

You would think in the age of technology they could come up with a better system than that!

It's more efficient than having to open each one individually. I usually scan my emails and get rid of obvious spam, then start at the top, read and delete (or don't delete). Sharing one email would be like having all your snail mail come to the XXXX family, and having to decide from the return address who should get it.

justnomartha, my BF wouldn't open my emails. This is not my example. My story is exactly the opposite: nobody opens anyone else's emails. My point is that other posters claim to open and read each other emails that obviously are not addressed to them just because they share email address. And btw how do you know who the email is addressed to? My dad could write to me as easily as to my BF and subject line wouldn't say anything. But i know it is written to me because it gets to my Inbox not my BF's.

Dotz,

My DH and I have our own email addresses, but our passwords are stored, so if we need to get into one another's email, we can. The "need" has only happened a couple of times when DH was traveling on business.

I can't imagine hijacking his email messages and responding as if I was him!

June, I wouldnt respond to DHs emails either..DH was getting emails from Ex, he would show them to me, they were full of rage, like, I m going to have you suffering for 6 to 8 years, you re going to pay and pay, you re a bum, you should give me more. This began when we married...He was divorced for 5 years when he met me...So we asked a judge to make her stop and he did..So at least THAT problem(or annoyance )ended...