popi...I hope so, but sadly, I do not know them. Even friends who have divorced and remarried, and who are terrific women in their own right (successful, attractive, happy, and genuinely like children) have done the same things I see on the step parent forum. They have gone on to have a new baby in the new marriage, and have each in their own way done their best to push his children out, and formed a new family. They too, do not like his children. I listen to their "side" of things, and I think that we can all build a case against someone who upsets, threatens, or bugs us, and hyper focus on everything they do...all the while ignoring our own faults, or our own children who do the same things or worse. People who I thought (each one of them) that if anyone can pull this off, and do it well, it was these women. And yet, sadly, in each case, the story has turned out the same, as the stories I have read on the step parent forum. I used to think that if you were a terrific human being, and really liked children, and were happy and grounded, that you could eventually pull this off, and become one of the successful step families, where everyone is welcome, and loved, and they are thrilled to see the child on their weekend. Sadly, I do not know if this is realistic, or possible. We like to think that it is, and yes, I am still hopeful that there are people who can pull it off. Perhaps it works if the wife does not have any children of her own, and does her best to help him raise his children. I don't know. But how can we expect it to work, when we take a childs father away, move him into someone elses house, and he is now DAD to someone elses kids, rarely seeing his own child? And MOM has now remarried, (or has a new boyfriend) and lives with him, and perhaps his kids, and is now MOM to someone elses kids? They may now live in different states! Where is home for this child now? With MOM and her new lover? With DAD and his new lover? Where do they belong now? And looking at it from this angle, imagine it through the eyes of a child. Imagine yourself as a child, and "your" dad left your mom and is now living far away, with his new girl friend and "her kids". And mom is dressing and acting different and you barely see her anymore because she is always with her new boyfriend, at his place? See how painful it can get through the eyes of a child? It also seems that in so many situations, the bio-mom is made out to be this horrible woman, by the step mom. The bio moms I know are nice normal women. I wonder why we never hear a new wife talk about what a terrific woman her husbands ex is? why are they all made out to be so awful? Things get very complicated indeed. Sometimes it seems that we trade in one set of problems for another. Perhaps we divorce because of problems in the marriage. We want to believe that we can start over, and we will do it better next time. Instead, we may not have those problems that led to the divorce, but we may have new problems we never dreamed possible in a new marriage with steps.

Hugs to you!!!! You are making such a big effort, good on you! I remember when we went back to court, that's when it consumed me too, how can it not!? From what you explain I understand it might sound impossible to try and disengage at the moment, when all this stuff is going on. But sometimes that's the thing that will help you get through, believe it or not. When we were in the process of going back to court, it helped me to redirect my thoughts every now and then. To remind myself I can control my own thoughts, and I can now take half an hour in which I choose not to think about BM. Small steps you know. Like going for a walk with the dog and every time my mind wonders back to thoughts about court, redirect and focus on the breeze on my face, the dogs ears flopping in the wind. To take a brake emotionally makes it easier to hang in there. Recharge yourself. Another way I find very helpful is by watching a funny movie. Or a sad movie when I'm alone so I can have a good cry. It's easy to forget about your own stuff when you get into the movie. It's not about 'running away' from your troubles, it's about giving yourself a break. You deserve it, and when you feel better you'll deal better. Another thing that works for me is to keep a diary. Once I write something down I get a clearer picture, sometimes even a solution I didn't see before. And always it helps to process thoughts and events this way, because I can give it a rest after I've written it down. Another way of clearing my mind of unwanted 'BM occupation'. "I don't ask DD any questions at all. When she tells me things, her therapist tells me to just say positive reinforcements about BD and SM to DD. Almost as if to make excuses for them to DD so that she will see me OK and feel ok about what she hears. Well, I hope the therapist is not suggesting to make excuses for BD and SM? You don't need to say anything positive about them when she tells you this stuff, just don't say anything about them at all. I would address the info she just passed on, for example the dropping out of college. Since you finished it later on anyway, I'd probably say something like: "Well yes I did drop out of college, and I'm not proud of it, but that's why I went back and finished it :-) I did it the hard way DD, and I want things to be different for you. College is fun, and I hope you will go there yourself one day." This way you don't comment on BD or SM at all, you 'un-confuse' DD about what she heard, you're honest, and you don't have to make excuses for BD and SM either. What is the lawsuit about? Is BD trying to get more visitation? Sorry if I missed when you wrote about this before, I do remember everything you explained about the assault and child endangerment case.

Plastic .....welcome back :) Did/does your sister see what she was/is doing is wrong or does she believe her own lies and Bull? In what world is it ok to make yourself feel better by stepping on others. I am having a very hard time with this. Tired of being berated by children who are repeating their mother. Hubby said today we were much happier when she only took them one day a week ... I said yes because it was only one day a week she could poison their minds. Now its constant. Ok so as long as you cheated on your spouse you can infect your children with poison about the spouse? Came to a decision today .... attitude walks in the door I will say " I do not want to hear what your mother says about me to you and I do not want you to repeat it to me ... You have no right to hurt my feelings. Because I am tired of being hurt and angry because of stuff your mother says to you." Conversation last night .... mommy said if you didn't marry daddy we could all live together again .... we have been married for 2 years. Court today.... continued new court date again..... Judge "warned" not to discuss anything related to the proceedings with the children. "it would not be in her best interest". late and rambling will add more tomorrow.

I'm so sorry for your problems, Love. From my own experience with SKs AND watching my DD deal with BM who has worked for an attorney and knows exactly how to play the legal system, I say with all love--GET OUT NOW!! I've read the posts that said for you to not worry, that the truth would come out and everything will work out ok. BZZZZZ... wrong answer. BM has nothing but time. It doesn't cost her anything to ruin your life and it will cost you MANY MANY $$$$ and you still may lose everything. I came from a very loving Christian family and had no clue these type people existed. When I married DH I truly thought we were going to have a loving family like mine. I honestly was thinking "The Waltons". I was a Deputy Sheriff for 26 years and they still tried to ruin my life with false accusations. All of them are grown and out of my house except the youngest who I've raised since he was 18 months old. He is 15 now. I worry so much that they will turn him against me when he starts into those teenage hormone induced rebellion years. So far he has been great and I love him with all of my heart. I still wait for 'the other shoe to drop'. My DD is in an even worse situation. All I can do is try to be supportive of her and try to be here to help her pick up the pieces for herself and her 3 kids when she finally gives up. She is not as strong as I am and I worry for her sanity. She is pregnant with her 3rd child now and the Dr has her on antidepressants!!! He swears it won't hurt the baby. Meanwhile the BM of her SS is marching on with her smear tactics and court cases. It NEVER ends. They learn how the court system works and play it perfectly. Please... with all sincerity and concern for you and your DD, I say again- GET OUT while you can. Being a good, honest, law-abiding citizen doesn't really help in the screwed up legal system now. BTW, I will be buying the "Divorce Poison" book. Just maybe it can help my DD. I wish you Luck. You will need it. Betty PS- I don't know any other way to report the above facts. When I re-read it, it sounded bitter. I truly don't mean for it to be. It is sad. The young children are the losers here and that is sad. Stay true to yourself and do what is best to protect yourself and especially your DD. God Bless You. Betty