I agree. I'm new to the forum, looking for advice on my new stepson...and all I'm finding lately is cattiness. There are a lot of strong opinions, and I've realized that some people talking the most aren't really stepmothers at all. When I first joined, I received tons of good advice, but not anymore.

Jenniferdee - you said "and I've realized that some people talking the most aren't really stepmothers at all"

That's the beauty of this forum! It's for all types of people in all types of stepfamily situations.

It's okay for people, like me, who may not be "married" or even "engaged", but have been with their SO for a long time and have had strong involvement with the children of their SO. Also, people who may not be in a step-family situation themselves, but their child(ren) are (I fit in this category also). There are a TON of SC here who have a unique perspective on things, and I have personally benefited from thieir views. There are people here who have been or are currently in several different facets of a step-family all at the same time. There are even fathers and step-fathers here.

True, there's a lot of bickering. There are a few very narrow-minded people. But everyone has a unique perspective. At the end of the day, we are all going to do what we feel like is best. But isn't it better to see things from a different light before we make a narrow-minded or rash decision?

I know another forum which I would recommend to anybody, no exclusive little clubs there, VERY welcoming. Can't remember now who put me on to it but it was somebody on this forum. That website is for people who deal with Borderline Personality Disorder, find it at www.facing-the facts.net.
Of course this is not much help to you if you're not dealing with somebody who has BPD...
Im my case my skids BM has a lot of the symptoms so it was fantastic to find this website!!

Don't despair...like everything else, you have to take the good with the bad until you feel it isn't worth your while anymore to navigate to the site. Skip the agendas and the long bickery threads and take the good advice from people who sit down and take the time to respond for what it is worth.

Things that have happened to me here, in no particular order: I have realized things I did not previously understand, I have gotten angry, I have floated ideas, I have realized I was wrong, I have realized I wasn't sticking up for myself enough, I have realized I was stomping all over others, I have had my eyes fill with tears from the support of people who I do not even know and who do not know me. Don't give up yet...

Another great website with a message board/forum is www.bonusfamilies.com. It is really geared toward those who want a peaceful, harmonious co-parenting situation. Sometimes a little idealistic, but they do have some really great moms & stepmoms who have lots of good advice on effective step-parenting.

I agree too. Some long threads seem to read as back and forths between a few women that certainly see oposite sides. I read alot more frequently than I contribute, and I have read some great tips and often just feel relieved that I'm not the only one experiencing the bumpy road of blending a family.

Reading this forum is like asking any advice--take what you can use and leave the rest.

I'm sorry if you've felt unwelcome here though-I haven't personally felt that. Hang in there, it could be a bad day for more than just you.

this is not stepmoms forum but stepfamily forum. which means that it concerns stepfamily issue. some people here are stepchidlren, some are stepsiblings, some are bioparents but have children who are in a stepfamily and it effects the bioparent, some are in relationship wiht parents and want to be better prepared for future stepparenting etc. anyone who is concerned about anything stepfamily related posts here. maybe there are stepmoms forums somewhere.

i did see one forum, most stepmoms there complained why they end up in court after beating up their stepkids. there was no catiness, all stepmoms were in agreement that beating up stepkids is a good deal. lol i'd rather see catiness.

Oh Fine - give me that website!! If my SD doesn't get out of the teenage funk soon I may need it!!! :-)

ROFLMAO JNM!!!

OK having a better day which means better perspective about everything else including this forum. All I know is that it really has helped me be a better person overall. Reading the posts even the bickery ones have helped me see both sides...you're right ashley

Cindy - I'm glad you are having a better day! I've had some of those days where I take everything wrong, get defensive and feel offended.

But, when it all comes down to it, we are all trying to better the situations we are in where, quite frankly, are some of the most difficult, but most critical situations facing the world today. We all want to be a part of helping kids that have been through something difficult and life-altering turn it around and have better lives.

I have learned so much from the people here, including yourself. I can't even think of how many times I've thought "how would (fill in the blank) feel about this?"

And, really, there are so many people here that have nothing but the best intentions to make their families happy. It takes a lot of guts for people to ask for help because it opens them up to the possibility that they just might be wrong. Too many people just bury their heads in the sand pretending that their way is the only way and there's no need for change (GIMMSD is one of those).

Cindy, I've been coming here for about a month after needing to vent about my SS29. Some of the perspectives have been really helpful, some just ok and some seem bent on just stirring something up.

The most useful things that I get out posting and reading here is knowing that I am not the only one with blended family challenges and especially reading the point of views of the stepkids and the few BM's who post here. Also, the men who post make terrific points. They tend to cut to the chase on things.

The long threads of arguing I just bypass. Take the best, leave the rest, plus don't take cyber talk too personally.