Ok, I've been complaining about my SD's step mom forever on here it seems. Besides everything I've said here, I don't know where to begin. I'll just go back six months.....

She left for ten days (end of July until August 6th) our court date was August 7th. When she left, she was seeing a guy named 'darron' but apparently she broke up with him before she got back. She admitted in court that she used to sleep with her ex BF in front of her girls. She denied having sex. She said she didn't have a BF on that day. As I've said many times, the court gave them both 50/50 after a trial. We left the courthouse and were standing in the parking lot talking to our attorney when bM called. She wanted to change the order from her having SD the next weekend (the judge told her this in court and she said yes) because she had plans all of a sudden. DH told her no, you were in court and didn't say anything.. no changes (besides, it was our first wedding anniversary weekend & we were going to Las Vegas) So, she called three times to try and change his mind and ask him what time he was picking up SD? He said he was on his way, be there in 45 minutes. We got there in 45 minutes and she was gone on a date with 'James'.

Less than a month later, she had her birthday. DH asked her if she'd like to have her DD and she said no, she'll celebrate with her next week. Four days later, she calls DH and tells him they need to talk. We all meet after back to school night and she tells DH that she's met the 'one'. His name is 'ben'. They are getting married and she's moving, well, she's already moved to where he lives, three & half hours away. He owns his own business & house. There are six bedrooms and all the kids (she has 2 & he has 3) are going to have their own rooms. It's got wonderful schools and he owns acreage. She first, halfheartedly tells him that if she can take SD, he won't have to pay any support. She says she's taking her older daughter in a week. He says he doesn't mind paying the support, he doesn't want his daughter to move away. He tells her no. She then agrees to let him have her and wants him to be the one to tell SD. He tells her no, but agrees to be there when SD's told. I chose to not be there, although DH wanted me to go.

Of course, SD & her sister are devastated. The next week, she starts school and increases her counseling to twice a week. Daily crying & getting in trouble at school. Meanwhile, her mom tells her that she's fixing her room for her. It's going to be painted brown & pink, SD's favorite colors. For several weeks, BM picks up SD from school for her weekends & stays at her mom's house, where she was living before. That's where we would pick her up from. Finally, she took SD with her to her new house. I had to go pick her up alone because it was a Monday holiday. BM had tried to get me to meet her somewhere, but that only made me feel like she was trying to hide something. When I got there, the house was a 'tiny' cottage. A house with no bedrooms, just a loft & a walk in closet that had been fixed into a tiny room for her BF's daughter to sleep in. His son's slept on a futon in the living room. When DH went there the first time, she acted like she didn't hear him when he asked her where SD slept. When SD came home, she told us that she slept on her mom & ben's bed with ben's two sons (9 &11) & daughter (7). Now, I know it sounds innocent enough, but anyone that's read my other posts on my concerns with SD, she is very boy crazy. She gushed about the boys but decided she doesn't like the girl. (shocking!) We also found out that he doesn't 'own' his business, he was unemployed until August when he became a partner in the business. His ex wife also made sure her custody order said he can only visit his children if he is clean & sober... we also dug up three prior DUI's in the last ten years. (Yes, we did a background on him, DH is worried about guys BM brings around his DD)

Anyways, besides lying about the house size, and of taking her other daughter with her, she tells DH it's none of his business if she lets SD sleep in the same room as BF son's. (she ignored all of DH's messages to her until he mentioned CPS over an ice cream for breakfast incident where SD came back throwing up from eating too much junk) but that's not the issue here. She just tells him that it's none of his business and for the most part, he agrees. Except when it comes to his daughter sleeping in a bed/room with boys older than her. Then, she started calling DH to tell him they are getting married in December. She also tells SD about this and has her all excited that they are having a 'butterfly' themed wedding. December came and went, no wedding. Middle of January, she doesn't even wear a ring. (not to mention, she is still married to her first husband, which she has repeatedly told DH that she finalized her divorce, but nothing has been filed with the court to that end) So, whether she is getting married or not, we don't care. If she commits bigamy, we don't care. The continuous lying to SD, we care. She's been in counseling and we are paying the entire bill because BM doesn't work (she's supposed to pay half but doesn't and that's not the issue either.) Now, SD has been coming back for the last couple of months telling us she is moving with her mom this year. She even told all her classmates and the bus driver at Christmas time that she won't be back. Her mom denies telling her this but she (SD) insists that it's true. (That she is moving and she was told so. She even says she thinks WE told her. She says her mom didn't tell her, WE did. That is how crazy this is getting) I'm tired of her head being messed with and she's upset all the time. I can't believe a mom would put their own child through this hell.

Anyways, talking to BM gets us nowhere. She lies to us and last time, she started accusing us of putting bruises all over her daughter and she says she took pictures, which she refused to send. Obviously, we don't believe her because we didn't put bruises on her and there were no bruises when she came home. It upset us that she would say something like that, which could subject her daughter to invasive physical inspections for something that isn't happening. Since we have physical custody, we weren't seriously going to call CPS because we didn't want to cause problems for the new BF's kids and SD is only there on weekends, so unless we felt supervised would be better, there's no point in opening that can of worms. The worse she does that we know of, is not bathe her sometimes and feeds her junk food. The situation with the boys was, as far as we know, a one time incident.

So, I called up and spoke to Ben's ex wife today. She's the BM of his kids and because SD keeps insisting that she's moving over there, and BM keeps insisting that she's not telling SD that but saying it's SD's idea and we should allow it, I thought I'd find out how Ben's ex wife feels about the situation, since her kids are over there on weekends too. She was at work and asked me to call her back. I'm not interested in creating problems so I'm being very cautious of what I'm going to say to her. She said she's concerned about things and I don't want to call her & start bashing BM. I think that would just cause all sorts of problems for them and us. I'm going to call her later today, so does anyone have suggestions?