There are no "coincidences".

just like to coincidence of the ex being the only one who knew we were going out of town for the weekend and then we come home to someone obviously having been in the back yard and a huge scratch down the side of my car where someone keyed it....

as much as I would love to believe otherwise... there are no coincidences

Wow...

Well the vindictive side of me says that maybe when her # shows up on caller id you do not answer the phone....perhaps your ringer is broken....I mean people accidentally wash cell phones more than once so why isn't it possible that a ringer is broken on a house phone and she is unable to talk to her dd for a while?

The $$ side of me says that you tell bm that she is now responsible for paying you to buy the same phone again since she again had a phone mishap on her watch.

The passive side of me says keep a record of this incident and move on. Can't change her, so why die trying! And tell sd that she needs to keep her cell somewhere safer, such as in a purse instead of pants pockets.

I think that once this new phone is purchased, it will be vital to do two things. #1 ensure that the child keeps the phone in a safe place (not in jeans pocket) and #2 perhaps reach an pre-agreement with the bio mom that if future cell phones are destroyed under her watch that she agree to participate in the replacement cost.

I think Panacea has a good plan.
That's just what I would have suggested too.

Shouldn't it be the girl's responsibility to pay for a new one, or at least part of it? I assume her mother didn't put the cell phone in the jeans' pocket.

I can't imagine putting a pair of pants into the wash without checking the pockets first. Not feeling a cell phone in the pocket seems a little fishy to mee, especially if you know that you have "accidentally" washed one before.

When my dh or I do laundry in our house we always check pockets before throwing clothes in.

it was not accidental, obviously. I agree with panacea, you have to tell BM that next time she should buy a new phone if she washes this one. My DD always kept everything in her pocket and yet i never washed anything with the exception of tiny hairclip. Certainly not a phone.

This is a hard one for me. While I have several reasons to believe this was no accident, I do believe that the responsibility to keep the phone safe is SD's, especially after it has been washed once before. But conversely, I think mom should have a responsibility to check pockets, especially after she's washed a phone before. The ironic thing is, we had just told mom in the meeting last night that here SD does her own laundry and we thought she was going to initiate that practice there. Then this would have been a mute point as the fault could only sit with SD.

SD has been told she has to keep her phone in her backpack when there, but because she's there on school vacation she doesn't have her backpack.

We're not sure where to go with this - tell mom she has to buy the 4th phone, tell SD she has to buy her own phone, or just buy another and suck it up? Maybe SD and mom should split the cost - as if we can force that?

Mom left a message here letting us know what happened (that is a first) and did blame it all on SD. No apology, either. That would have gone a long way to make me that that she was, I don't know, sorry it happened?!?

There is an option here. Make step daughter share in cost of new phone. That will ensure her better safeguarding of it at her moms. It could also be suggested to the Bio mom that she could reimburse her daugher for her share of the phone. Teens are very aware of every dollar. It would be far less likely to happen again.

Have you considered getting inusrance for the next phone?

If it were me, I wouldn't replace the phone. If it's her second or third phone, i would make SD earn a new one. She has to take some responsibility. (and I would think that if it wasn't an accident, her protest will include what really happened; ie. if mom did it on purpose)

My son's step mom (twice) sent home his brand new jeans with bleach spilled all over and said it was an "accident". and I even though I agree with theotherside that it's SD's responsibility (to safekeep her phone), I'm not buying that it was an accident. (btw, my son washed his cell phone once and he took the battery out, let it dry and it still worked)

If the phone was in SD's jeans pocket, then I'd agree she has some culpability in it's destruction and should pay a portion of its replacement cost. (Incidentally, if all you want is a basic phone, you can get them cheam secondhand on ebay.) If the phone wasn't in her pants pocket, then I'd sure have a tough time even pretending to believe the 'accidental washing' claim.

Retaliation is beneath you... (darn it!)

I wash things without checking the pockets all the time (see, imamommy, I do admit my faults :)) but fortunately my kids never leave their cell phones in their pockets (and, except for the youngest, they all wash all their own clothes anyway). I did wash my flash drive, and amazingly, all the data was intact.

We actually do have insurance for the phone (got smart this time)and it will likely replace this. The previous two lost there we did not, and we paid to replace each. The payment for replacement by SD or mom would be more to make a point that we are tired of paying for mistakes we didn't make.

I think the laundry was done after SD went to bed because SD hadn't Put the jeans in the laundry - they were picked up from her room (same as last time.) There are thoughts in the back of my mind that the phone may not have even been in the pocket but was instead placed there. SD doesn't remember where she last had it as it had been taken away.

Unfortunately because SD walks back and forth to school we don't feel safe with her not having a phone so we will have to quickly replace it, especially since it's dark now when they walk home.

I am of the school that SD should pay at least a portion of the would be replacement cost. But do we even try to talk to mom about her place in this debacle? She is squarely in the camp that it is all SD's fault. Truly, had she just said she was sorry that this happened - AGAIN - I would probably feel like letting it go in the interest of fostering this new found co-parenting.

I still don't believe in coincidences though.

If you have to replace it, get her an inexpensive one (I'm thinking $20 at Wal-Mart) that she uses until she's eligible for an upgrade or something from your cell carrier. That's what we did for DH since he's HARD on phones. I also now carry insurance on his...