New post needs advice

23 years ago

This is the first time I have come across this site and forum. I am both a bio-mum and a step-mum, to a 7 year-old girl and a 6 year-old girl. In four months my partner and I will have our first child in common. I would like to comment first of all, on how very helpful this forum is. Nevertheless, I am quite surprised to see how some of the opinions expressed about some of the members are really prejudiced, rigid and sometimes cruel. Yet despite this, I am glad to see this forum exists since it makes all of us realise that we are not alone. I come from a very conservative country where both divorce and abortion are illegal. Yet it seem to me, from reading the posts, that the United States is even more conservative. I would like to ask opinions on a very particular situation. However, I am not willing to expose myself to criticisms from some of the members of this forum regarding whether or not I am married with my partner, have full custody or not etc. I feel that this type of criticism is very destructive for people who are in vulnerable situations and needing support, especially when the criticism is cruel and arrogant. Anyone who reads the 8 pages of the forum will be able to see that this type of criticism crops up repeatedly. It really is such a shame.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (5)

mom_2_4
23 years ago
Habibi,

Go ahead and post your question. Fear not the wrath of those with no brains, no consideration or empathy for others!

Please don't let one or two posters here stop you from becoming a member of this community. And PLEASE don't think that everyone in the U.S. is prejudice like those few .. we are not! And, if someone does respond with a cruel or bigoted response, simply ignore them. I'm certain anyway they will be blasted by other members, but don't take their words to heart.

Most of us here try to help one another with different viewpoints or perspective. We don't always agree, but we don't have to, and that's the beauty of this board. You get all all kinds advice from people who have been there and done that -- but you might also get some from those who haven't.

Welcome to this board from the great state of California!
User
23 years ago
Habibi -
Ignore the idiots, listen to the calmer ones.

Many of the persons posting are doing what we call "venting" ... getting all of their complaints out in a semi-private place. Others are judgemental and vile-tempered or taking out their anger on strangrs instead of aiming it where they need to.
Related Discussions
Post Pruning Advice Needed
Q
Comments (1)
Maria, you are just into summer there, are you not? You can leave the flower calyx's on if you think they where pollinated or want seeds, but with your growing season, you can prune now and get a second blooming. With the plant you say has velvety leaves. Hard to tell, without seeing it. There is the specie Swazicum or hybrids of, that have velvety and a somewhat silver/green leaves. These usually have leaves that slightly fold upwards along the mid rib of each leaf. RC
...See More
In need of advice! X-post from mid-Atlantic
Q
Comments (4)
If you want a cottage style garden clumps are better than lines, rigid lines of plants are more suited to formal or modern styles. Planting groups of three or more usually gives greater visual impact, most designers recommend odd numbered groupings. Larger plants can be placed singly, especially if space is limited. You might find it helpful to drive around your area to look for gardens you like, see what does well and so on. There are lots of good websites for gathering inspirational pictures for your own garden, and there is probably a local Master Gardeners group that should have useful information for you. Our local Master Gardeners have a website that I consult regularly. You might want to measure your space and draw up a plan. Consider the mature size of the plants you want and make sure that you won't have to worry about removing or severely pruning them in the future. It's hard to judge from one picture, but it seems to me that your space is limited enough that just using one tree as the focal point and designing around it might be the best way to go. Find your specimen plant(s), install the picket fence, do some border beds, and you might be set. I always like to print out some graph paper and play with different designs that way, it's a lot easier to erase and redraw a line than it is to dig up and move a flower bed. Using a hose or some flour to outline the beds you imagine can also be helpful. Also, I would want to put something taller than a steppable in front of your porch, something that could connect the tall porch to the rest of the landscape. Research and planning isn't as fun as getting your hands dirty, but in the long run it can give you a nice garden faster than trail and error. If you are impatient to get some color going you might want to start with potted plants, that's what I've been doing in the areas I plan on renovating in the future but want to have flowers in right now. Good luck! Post pictures to keep us updated on your progress, please!
...See More
New Const Heating advice (x-post)
Q
Comments (1)
If I were in your situation and had a tight budget and concern for operating costs (and didn't have 6+ kids to house) I'd do the following in priority order: 1) reduce the size of the house by at least 2000 sf and use the money to: 2) seal the heck out of it at every possible penetration and add mechanical ventilation with a HRV or ERV 3) use blown-in cellulose to get the attic up to ~r60 4) Use cellulose in the walls and then wrap and tape the exterior with 2" of rigid foam to increase the R value and stop thermal bridging at the framing 5) insulate the basement and slab to a similar level 6) buy a much smaller, simpler heating/cooling plant of whatever sort 7) consider upgrading windows 8) plan several nice vacation trips to exotic locations 9) fund a retirement plan with the money left over
...See More
Kitchen Redesign -- 1st post -- need advice
Q
Comments (4)
Can you put the sink on the wall where you currently show the fridge/dw, moving dw to the end where the fridge is. Then fridge down beside the pantry, stove pretty much where it is. And a small prep sink on the island close to fridge end. That would make the kitchen work better re. your stated goals re. 1 cooker/baker and 1 helper/cleaner. It would let you have the ice tea maker and vitamix between fridge and stove (with water handy at the prep sink behind), keeping snackers, tea drinkers, and smoothie makers out of your main cooking/baking space. And you could use the area between range and sink as your baking area with your kitchenaid mixer and bread machine, utilizing the depth of the corner counter depth for their regular storage while still having the usable countertop in front when needed. The breville might work in that run too. It would mean you couldn't reuse your corner sink base, but it looks like you have the other corner cab by the peninsula that you could repurpose for that space. Good luck!
...See More
MIStepMom
23 years ago
Welcome Habibi!!! I was new to this post about 1 year ago and I was also concerned about some of the things I read, but I have received some very good advice from many of the participants on this site and it has really made me feel that I am not alone in my situation. Hang in there and I am sure you will experience this as well.
maine_gardener
23 years ago
Habibi,
Please don't let one or two people stop you from getting the support you need. When people come on a message board causing problems and making cruel comments its called FLAMMING a board. And they are bored and have nothing better to do with them selves then cause bad feelings.
There looking for ATTENTION the best thing to do with these types of people is just not to comment no attention good or bad and soon they tire of it and move on.
Please don't be afraid to ask any queastions you have.
Habibi
Original Author
23 years ago
Thanks a lot for your really nice answers. It was a pleasant surprise to read them. I feel very welcome, and I am sure this forum will be a real help to me. I will be posting my problem up shortly.
Thanks again.
Habibi

New post needs advice

Comments (5)

mom_2_4

User

Related Discussions

MIStepMom

maine_gardener

Habibi
Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

New post needs advice

Comments (5)

mom_2_4

User

Related Discussions

MIStepMom

maine_gardener

HabibiOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Habibi
Original Author