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toomuchglass

I had a major breakdown - depression

toomuchglass
16 years ago

Did you ever try and hide behind a smile ? A happy post ?

Well - that's me lately. I know I'm not the only one that the depression devil chases - but he's hot on my trail now. Here's why . ( I apologize before hand - this is boring )

My 91 year old FIL has been living with us for 5 years. I'm the only one in the family that would take him in. It's not that he's a bad guy , but I can't take sharing my house and my life anymore. I had an actual breakdown .... crying ,sobbing , sitting on the deck in 30 degree weather with no coat - just staring into space ... drinking ... I'm begging DH to put him in a home. I lost my freedom , my privacy , my identity - I have just had it. This is what's going on here with me - smiling on the outside - crying on the inside. I'm really embarrassed to be the hostess of my own pity party. My creativity has just dried up . I'm a wreck.

I'm finally putting my health first ,dad or no dad . Women always seem to be dumped on when things like this happen,don't they ? I'm tired of being needed at 53 years old . DH works hard to keep a balance between things ( bless him ) but this is it. It's a hard emotional choice for him . After seeing me at my worst - he agrees - dad has to go. Now we're going through the "how to tell him " phase ...... then - how to go about this ... then , hopefully , the next phase will be -- moving.

Keep your fingers crossed that everything will go well ...

I'll be here - hopefully sounding normal ~ LOL

(((((( Love you all )))))))))

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