First of all, I'd like to extend my deepest sympathies for the loss of your dad. I am so sorry. :(

I think you have every right to feel slighted, and to be angry that your SM did not use the obituary you two wrote together.

I don't know what the *etiquette* regarding obits is----but I personally see nothing wrong with you publishing a different obituary in another local paper.

Again, my deepest sympathy.

Every reading it will realize it says more about her than about him.

There is nothing wrong about putting an announcement in a local paper where you live. People frequntly do this as a way of letting their own friends and neighbors know that their parent has passed away. I am certain whatever you write will be exceedingly tasteful.

Serenity,

I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your father. Having to deal with the actions of a thoughtless and selfish SM at this time makes things even more difficult for you. Knowing that this is your SM's character does not make it easier to take nor to understand.

Many times I have read in our paper "memorials" written by someone for a lost loved one. Sometimes it is a poem and many times a letter to the person that has passed. I think you should compose something that is just from you and have it sent to which ever paper would be read by people that knew your dad. I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to do to honor your father as your father and one step that would help you in your grieving process.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

The poem/memorial idea and the idea to put something in my own hometown paper are excellent suggestions. I think I will do some combination of both. This forum really is very helpful, for all sorts of things!

I'm with KKNY --
Everyone reading it (who notices the unusual positions of HER at the top and YOU in a pile of miscellany at the bottom) will realize exactly what it says.

If you do decide to publish your own version, you might want to say:
"He passed away after a brief marriage to StepMother."

Or did that come out wrong ? ;-)

sorry for your loss again...it would be appropriate to write something in a local newspaper. you can have separate obituries, why not...just use a different newspaper, not the same one.

not to excuse her, but I had to add that even though they were legally married only briefly they lived together for a long time and she was there when he was ill, maybe she feels entitled to write her own obituary.. maybe she does grief in her own way...maybe she feels that since you only lived wiht your father few first years of your life and after that only saw him on occassion, so maybe you weren't that close or weren't that important to him (she thinks, i am not saying it is true). could you ask her why didn't she use obituary that both of you wrote? does she know what place you had in his life? does she have her own children? probably not...

Nope Sweeby - I think that came out just right. :-)

Serenity, I'm so sorry the beast just keeps rearing her head. Publish whatever the heck you want if it makes you feel good. Give as much thought to how she feels about it as she gave to how you felt.

Serenity, I'm sorry for your loss. Nothing she writes should matter to you, but I know that's easier said than done. I lost my step mom on October 30 and my dad asked me to write her obituary because he took it quite hard. (He had thought he was prepared since she was in her terminal condition for so long) I had the opposite problem.. mentioning her kids that hadn't seen her in years and would not have known she had died if my dad hadn't called to let them know when she went into the hospital. Her daughter did come to the hospital the night before she passed. Her sons did not. So, I included them with "She was also survived by her loving devoted children" because it doesn't matter what the readers read/believe, what matters is what WE KNOW. We know that her kids were not loving & devoted, they were terrible to her in her final years. More so, her kids KNOW and they have to live with that. I don't. I did what I felt was right and I am at peace with that.

Nothing she says or writes can change your place in his life and your relationship with him. She sounds incredibly insecure and perhaps she'll spend her old age alone and lonely. Write your own words and don't give her words a second thought.

I totally agree with the memorial writing. Leave her out of it and not try to compete.
You loved your father and this is your tribute and remembrance of him. Address it to your father just as he would want you to do.
When it's all done and if she complains to you what she wanted, well, people in he!! want ice water but that doesn't mean they're going to get it.
Remember a special moment between the two of you and keep that in your heart and remember that when you think of him. Let the rest go. She's tried to take away a lot but she can't take your memories as daddy's little girl.
Lynn