I read a book when my kids were young, I think it was called "siblings without rivalry" but it sounds like normal rivalry between boys that age. There's a certain amount that comes from being boys that age, and some probably from the feelings about the divorce and/or step family situation.

Does your child visit his father? (My SD's half sister would get upset that her dad didn't see her as much as my DH saw SD) There is usually a period of adjustment whenever there is a significant change in a child's life, divorce, a parent dating, a parent moving in with their SO, and especially a parent remarrying. If your son is an only child, he may not like sharing the attention with the other boys. The other boys have grown up together and may see your son as a third wheel or outsider. and it's very normal with three kids to always have an 2 against 1 situation. I saw that with my own three kids and they changed 'teams' all the time.

It may also help to sit them down and explain your feelings about it and acknowledge theirs. They may feel jealous of each other or other feelings and it can help to let them know it's okay to share how they feel. Boys don't usually like to talk about feelings so they act out more aggressively, but giving them permission to share their feelings and have those feelings, can make a difference sometimes. I wouldn't ignore it and the 9 year old sounds like he's having a harder time dealing with things. Don't ignore warning signs because I think when kids don't know how to tell you what they are feeling, it shows in their actions.

Ok I am seven .... it used to be and mom ... then it was me mom and her bf. I had to share mom wasn't too bad I still got to do things and had my own space.

Now its me mom bf and 2 more kids .. since mom and bf now live together I have to share my mom with more kids and worse yet I can't even run away and hide in "my room". I have to share everything with this kid ... my mom his dad and now my stuff/room.

Any reason your son cannot have his own room? Put the brothers in the same room who have to "get along" they are brothers.

My son has his own room always had his own room ... I think it would literally put him over the edge if he had to share a room with 2 kids who will touch his stuff!!!.

The 9 year old probably feels the same way ... I used to have my own room now this kid lives here with his mom. Was me my brother and dad .... sharing my dad and my stuff.

I would move the two brothers into the same room and give your son a place of his own.

i think cawfe's idea of the brothers sharing a room is a good idea especially with the whole adjustment period. It would give everyone a chance to go to their own "corners" when they need to. I would also however encourage planned family times... like times when everyone sits around the table and plays a card game or things like that... that way everyone has a chance to bond and ease into the transtition more gradually.

I agree with cawfe too...your son needs his own space. The other two are brothers and used to living with each other and having to share with each other. That is a big adjustment for your son...to now have BF and his kids living with you and him. My daughter has her own room. My fiance has 6 yr twins but they share a room together just like they did when they lived with their Dad and BM. My daughter would never adjust at all to them living with us if I forced her to have to share a room with one of them. She would probably rebel more and be against the idea of them living with us at all. Your son needs his own space to get away and call his own. As they get older and grow up together things may change. I would hate the idea of my child being forced to share a room with another child who is mean to them. So...my advice too would be give him his own room and make the brothers share a room. Would your BF be ok with that?

i would love to put my son in his own room, but what will I do with the 10 year old that we put in his own room since he was the oldest and he earned it by taking on the role as the "big brother"? the oldest had a hard time at first with my son, and we sat down and had a chat with him, and gave him the idea of acting as "the older brother" even though they are not brothers, but now the oldest appreciates that my son looks up to him, and they get along really well. Its the middle one that scares me!!! We have a 3 bedroom house...now I need to convince my boyfriend that we need to move!! hahaha

if that is the case I would be hesitant to switch things up on the oldest now. Another possibility would be to split the room completely in half with a curtain and all... that way there is still some privacy and they each have their own defined space. But, in the long run really it is going to take all of you sticking to your guns on not accepting certain things in your home and repeatedly encouraging the "family" enviroment. ie: we are a family and we don't act this way or that

I agree with encouraging the family environment, just be careful about forcing it too much too soon. Blending families takes time. If there are strong emotions, it can be a very slow process and sometimes, no amount of time is going to make it happen. Every situation is different, but having the same rules & consequences for all children is a very good idea. They should not be rules from one family imposed on the other family, but taking a few good rules from each side and creating new rules for the new household. When something isn't working, then you have to try something new. If something is working, why change it? But having two completely different sets of rules for each family is going to create more resentment, especially if the kids are close to the same age. In a home where there are young kids and older kids and/or teenagers, then the rules should be different for their age, not which side they belong to.

How far do you want to go to make all the children happy?

I have it on good authority (my stepdaughters!) that if they had to share a room they would be at each others throats. Instead, given that they have separate rooms, they are the best of friends. I believe that children need to learn to share and compromise, however, I also believe that children need their own space. It may not be popular opinion but I feel children should have the bigger bedrooms. As children (especially teenagers!) they sometimes LIVE in their bedrooms, I only sleep in mine.

What do you think of forfeiting your bedroom for the 9 year old (granted, you would still have to utilize the closet space)?

If nothing else, spending some time sleeping in the living room would force your boyfriend to consider a larger home that accomodates the needs of the entire family!!! Another benefit would be that a new family home would be neutral "turf" for everyone...

You need 4 bedrooms.

My mother was always right, & she never made a mistake.

Never in the history of the universe would she have admitted that anything she had done could have been done better, let alone that she had done something "wrong".

so when she said this, when I was about 15, I was so shocked that I've remembered it all these years:

"If I had it to do over again, I'd have given each one of the boys his own room if I'd had to sleep on a pallet on the living room floor."

I agree with Lonepiper and Sylviatexas. When even half my kids are home, I sleep on the couch in the living room. It works out well.