Document everything she does... telling DH she knows you are not home because your car is not in the driveway is letting him know she's already driven past your house BEFORE she called him. Asking him to let her put it on the porch is asking him to ignore the order which, if he had done, would have helped HER in court when she fights any extension. He did the right thing but he could have also told her to drop it off at the school office and when SS is picked up, whoever picks him up can go get it. There's no need for ANY contact. I would not like someone that crazy having access to our car... even to just put it on the seat. Well, I have personal items in my car, like receipts or sometimes mail, etc. Leaving my car unlocked for an ex would not be an option to me... what if they decide to rummage through the glove box or cd case? yuck!

If you tell the court you are no longer in fear for your safety but you just think she will annoy you (like many ex's might) by dropping things off, the court may not give you a protection order. (they might, but they might just tell her not to do that but not order it) It's impossible to know what the courts will do. I would definitely let the court know that it concerns you that she is driving past your house and you are not sure what her intentions are. She uses her son as an excuse to drop things off. If it's THAT important to you, then ask an attorney. I just got a bill from my attorney for $240 because I sent her an email to ask about my son's situation and guardianship of my grandson... and she hasn't DONE anything yet, just researched & answered a few questions.

If you do not extend the order (or if the court does not extend it), then the best recourse for you is to ignore her and act like it does not bother you at all. Your DH needs to draw the line and stick to it though... he is your support and needs to back YOU. Order or not, she should not be pulling into your driveway unannounced. If SS forgets his Wii game, sorry.. he'll get to play it next week. He has other toys. If he forgets his coat... have a back up one from a thrift store if he doesn't have another one. We keep everything NEEDED on hand so there is no reason to deal with the other side.(with SD AND with my DGS) The ONLY thing that might need to be exchanged if it's forgotten, his backpack or binder & that can be dropped off at the school... SD went a week without her binder because she left it at her mom's and she survived!

It is an irritant to have the child USED as an excuse to get in your face or your business, etc. Above all, do not let her see you sweat or get upset. Let your DH keep her back and deal with her... he needs to! I told my DH that if things didn't work out for us (as the divorce rate is very high in subsequent marriages), he is still going to have to deal with these problems with any future partners so it's not my problem to deal with her now. Before I told him that, I was spending way too much of MY time worrying about the stuff she was doing.. like calling him several times a day for nonsense.. asking him to go buy her a band aid.. etc.

"If you tell the court you are no longer in fear for your safety but you just think she will annoy you (like many ex's might) by dropping things off, the court may not give you a protection order."

too true.

"Stalking" is a good term to use.

If me, I would fill out the request to renew form and follow the process to get the renewal hearing. BM will have a chance to respond and attend. Let the judge make a decision.

I see from your postings that BM certainly has not gotten past her feelings toward you, and I think all the incidents you've shared where BM hotly flies off the handle with if nothing else a hissy fit (remember the reading at school, the soccer games...), shows she has deep hostile feelings toward you. Will she attack you again? I don't know but let the judge review at hearing and see if he wants to be the one denying renew and chance it. Prepare yourself with your notations/documentation of how the current year during the R0 has been.

You said in a post a while earlier that you think you might look silly renewing against a pg lady. I would not let that fear of looking 'silly' bother me, BM is not going to be pg forever and I doubt being pg will matter to the judge in his/her decision as I'm sure the judge is well aware of how many pg women are jailed/give birth in jail, just as non-pg woman they can still be dangerous, violent, and act out.

If she appears at hearing and has to face hard questioning as to her attitude towards you and the current RO (from your documentation ect), will she hold together and prove to the judge she's contrite and no longer deserving of being restrained from you? The judge can make this a permanent restrain if he senses the slightest risk still exist.

I definitely wouldn't *say* in court about not "necessarily being afraid of her being violent." I use the word "necessarily" because I really don't KNOW what she is capable of or what her drinking is like these days---BECAUSE I have no contact with her, I have a harder time guaging what she may or may not be capable of.

Bottom line--I can say without lying in court that she assaulted me once and I have NOTHING to show me it won't happen again. That is true.

Sylvia, stalking is a good term to use, too. I do think she gets some sick *twist* out of pushing the boundaries and seeing how far she can get. When she was arguing with DH about not being able to speak with SS when he is with me, she actually said to DH "well, why can't he call from Love's cell phone? If she doesn't want me to have her number, she can block it."

How stupid does she think I am????

I think she likes to push the envelope and if she started drinking crazily again, I don't know what she would do if there weren't an order in place preventing her from coming to our home.

Yeah, Ima, regarding the car/Wii game thing---I thought it was ridiculous too. The two of them honestly BOTH use SS as an excuse and I don't even know WHAT DH gets out of it. I told DH "too bad if SS forgot it, we have Wii games here, and he will live for 5 days." And he gave me some song and dance about "oh, he was so excited to bring it over..." WHATEVER. That wouldn't justify (in my book) opening my car up for BM to drop the game in, but whatever. I will say--DH doesn't have anything personal in his car, though; he drives a different dealer car all the time, so he wouldn't really have anything in there. But still---it's definitely strange!

doesn't matter what she's drinking, how much she's drinking, where she's working, who she's dating...

The *only* thing that matters is that she's obsessed with knocking down the boundaries that protect you.

Drunk, sober, in counselling, dropping off phones, this woman is dangerous.

Thanks Sylvia....I will say all of this when I re-new the RO.

"The two of them honestly BOTH use SS as an excuse and I don't even know WHAT DH gets out of it."

It keeps them engaged. He needs to disengage... but he needs to WANT to disengage before that can happen. And I do believe he is getting something out of it. He may not know what it is, nor that he's doing it... but he IS getting something out of it or he wouldn't do it.

(For my husband, I believe he stayed 'engaged' by allowing her to call or come over to his work because he didn't want to look like a bad guy. He's a nice guy & she took advantage of that. I mean, won't everyone think he's being an a-hole because she just wants to drop off a game for their child?)

if she would call first and ask, then maybe it would be Ok. but she drove by the house first saw that you car is not there and then called, that's creepy. next time your car is not there but you are at home (car is in a shop) and she would just walk in. Renew RO just to be on a safe side. under normal cuircumstances dropping off stuff is not a big deal, but with her it is.

Renew the RO and take a self defense course!!!

She is just too comfortable for my liking.

I (used to) drive for a living and knowing where mom's house is ... its on a cut through street if that makes sense... I avoided that street daily sometimes 3 times a day just so I was not driving by her house "for no reason" ....

Glad hubby is standing up for you ... but learn to defend yourself ... too comfortable stalking you under the guise "its in the best interest of the child" ... Bull$h1t

Get mace something... protect yourself!!

Yea a nice big can of mace or even the kind you keep on your key chain is a good idea. At least you'll have some way to defend yourself.

And even if you get the RO renewed that's not failsafe either. Definately do get it renewed though, so she knows you are not even entertaining the idea of her be allowed into your space again.

And yea, driving by then calling-creeper/stalker. I wonder how your DH would feel if the tables were turned and it was your ex DH behaving like this?

~Cat

especially creepy since she lives 30 minutes away. unless I am going to work or specific destination I never randomly drive 30 minutes away from home.

I did not fully read all of the posts (just skimmed) so sorry if I repeat anything. I like the idea of using the word stalked and having documentation to back that up. You should also express your fear of her behaviors....how she has called the cops to stir up trouble, driving around your home, trying to call you, trying to get permission to violate the order, using ss to give you gifts to violate the order, etc.

As for the Wii game, if you had a normal situation there would be nothing wrong with her dropping that off. When my son forgets something here or at his dads we gladly bring it for him because it only hurts him to withhold his stuff (and we live only about 3 min from eachother). I think that your hubby told her no to calling you or stopping at your home is a big improvement. And I think that allowing her to just drop off the game to his unlocked car and not see him in person was also good thinking. She should not get any interaction that would make ss forgetting things be rewarding to her. I understand why this situation bothers you, but I don't think that her dropping something off at your dh's car should bother you.

Hi LoveHadley, Quick question for you....

Doesn't your SS go to school right near you guys? If so, why didn't she just drop it off at the school office and leave a message that her son can pick it up after school. And if she wasn't smart enough to think that one up, and the school is in fact near you guys (for some reason, I seem to remember that it is, but forgive me if I'm wrong!) then your DH should have thought of it...Just an idea...even if the school is nearer to her, then HELLO, you would be going there to pick your SS up at some point, right?! And IMA is so right, it's an excuse to "engage", my DH used to do this with his ex to, but he figured it out eventually... (((((hugs))))) to you..!!

Good suggestion Shannon --

I agree with all of the posters here that you should get the RO renewed. DH isn't going to protect you from her. Heck, if it weren't for the RO in the first place, he'd have let her come to your house and drop the game off.

No offense, because I'm sure DH is a great guy who loves you and his son very much, but I wonder how many times you would've been assaulted by this woman if you didn't have the RO? Would he keep asking you to be the bigger person if she had done it before? How many times would be enough?

I only say this because my DH acts very similar to yours with regards to BM. He seems to have a very short memory when it comes to the bad things BM does.