:) what, you don't think that Captian Jack Sparrow used anything but natural walrus blubber, do you? what you're looking for is a 'wax' pomade. everyone makes them, nowadays- got2B, paul mitchel, LA looks... they come in tins, and do a pretty good job of it, though they can be a pest to get out. honestly- if his beard's unruly enough that you're having problems- I'd consider getting a fake one, beading that, and applying it over his shaven face ;) (but then, I can get my own hairy-scary to do things like that. then again- my hairy-scary can braid and bead his own hair ;)

I've read a lot of articles that say that with clear coat finishes, you really don't even need to wax them anymore to protect the paint. Waxing does make a deeper shine, though, and it's nice to see rainwater bead up on the paint like it does after being waxed. Given that waxing is primarily a cosmetic thing, I can't see much reason not to use what's easy. The advantage of the rub-on waxes is probably that you get a thicker coat and the wax lasts longer. I haven't used anything but the spray-on waxes for 10 years or more.

I too thought we could only use oil on our wood countertops, but after a few months I got really tired of doing it, it was a messy gross procedure, and it never really looked good. We don't cut on the countertops either, but I still didn't want a polyurethane or something toxic. I did want something that didn't require so much maintenance. So we sanded the tops down to get rid of the oil, applied mineral spirits, and decided to Waterlox them. OMG, what a difference. I love the way they look and feel now. They've held up great, even around the sink. Waterlox is a tung-oil finish, but it doesn't need to be renewed monthly or built-up over time like mineral oil, so it's really not like "oiling the countertops." We used the Waterlox Original, which has a semi-gloss finish, but they do sell a satin finish as well (see the Products page at the link below). You probably don't want the marine or "bar-top" finish for your kitchen - brings to mind those awful super shiny tables in the restaurants in Florida I remember from my youth - you know with ropes and shells embedded in them. :-) Anyway, you can recoat without sanding, and it is super-easy to apply. It dries to a hard finish, and water beads up on it. Here are some photos. This was after just one coat. They recommend 3-4 coats. Tung oil is non-toxic, but it is made from nuts, so be cautious if you have someone allergic to nuts in your household. Here is a link that might be useful: Waterlox

I would wonder about food safety also with using car wax. We're getting our granite countertops in 8.5 days (not that I have a countdown or anything! ;-P ). The stoneyard/fabricator will apply a long lasting sealant as part of the deal. A "real" sealant seems like a low price to pay for protecting your rather expensive countertop.