I've wondered for years what causes this effect. The sun is over 90 million miles away, so all rays should appear completely parallel, but I've never seen parallel rays in real life or in photos. From the angle of the rays in your photo the sun appears to be 30 feet behind the trees. I could guess that reflection from clouds or objects caused the sun ray effect, but once I saw such an effect coming down through trees, and there were no clouds or objects, although there was a light morning fog. This is not the type of optical illusion, like a rainbow. If you move, an apparent rainbow moves with you. You can experiment with spray, as from a garden hose, to look at rainbows. Natural rainbows are actually complete circles, but half is obscured by the ground. You can also see white circles around streetlights through foggy windshields. But the sunray effect is not an illusion. It does not move with you. As you move it continues from the same point, and strikes the same point on the ground. Maybe it really is the sun lensing through an invisible alien ship. The angle of the rays is absolutely impossible after all.

Rather than acknowledge her faults and say sorry for the pain she's caused me, she'd rather make grand gestures even though I've made it clear they're unwelcome many times. You also say She says she's sorry but cannot undo the past., Her way of 'making up' for her faults is by being extra nice and going above and beyond, and Nothing she can say or do will ever take that pain away. Your mother is apologizing and trying to make amends in the best way she knows how. She is correct, she cannot change the past. Either you accept her apology and continue the relationship or you reject it and cut her off. But please recognize that she is trying, probably in the best way she knows how. I really resonate with something you said. I was trouble/difficult to her but what she failed to see was that other parents were dealing with far worse. Kids in and out of prison, teenage pregnancies, drugs etc I NEVER did any of those things or gave that sort of trouble. Because I often felt that way as a teenager with my mom. However, please before you cut off contact with your mom, remember that sword cuts both ways. Yes, there were other parents dealing with far worse, you are exactly right. But there are other teens/kids dealing with far worse parents than what you had, probably. Parents in and out of prison, parents pimping their kids out, parents who are alcoholics or drug addicts, etc. Think about the good things your mom did (if she did, in fact, do some good things). Did she sacrifice to keep a roof over her kids' heads? Did she read books to you or help you do your homework? If you are a good person, a successful person, then maybe some of that comes from something your mom helped instill in you? Anyway, if you are going to pull out the "I was bad but other kids were worse", then you need to also pull out the "Mom was bad but other moms were worse", too. I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for you, and this is from the heart. I've been on somewhat both sides of the issue. My mom went through a lot of stress when I was a teen and it showed in her behavior. However, I should say that she never called me names or put me down. I always knew she loved me and wanted my best. But she hurt me in a lot of ways she didn't understand then and probably still doesn't understand. And I, also, as a mother went through a time of tremendous stress. My husband was badly hurt when my children were teens, and I know the stress showed in my behavior. I always, always did the very best I could for my children, and I should say that I never, ever called my daughter names or belittled her. But I know living in that stress was hard for my kids. I have apologized to my daughter that she did not get my best as a mother the way her older brother did. Not because I didn't want to give it, but because I was giving everything I had to help my husband recover. So, like your mom, I have hurt my daughter. I know your situation and my daughter's situation is different. My daughter (age 21) told me that she knows she has always been loved, that she knows I always did my very best, and that she had a very happy childhood. So I am giving advice from a different background/place than you're in. Try to keep in mind that many people become better people as they get older and wiser. My mom is much wiser now and would never make some of the same decisions now that she made when I was a teen. By the same token, there are things I would handle better now if I could relive my life. But we don't get do-overs. If you think your mom has changed, then you might be throwing away what could be a good relationship in the future. If she hasn't changed, then it might be time to get out of a toxic relationship. Also, one of the things that has happened in my own life is that I'm better at setting boundaries now than I was as a teenager. You have more emotional tools at your disposal now than you did growing up. There are so many more things you can do now. For example, you can limit your time with your mother. You can point out things she says or does that hurt you that she may not realize. You were not in a position of power when you were a kid, but you are in a position of power now. My daughter and I used to butt heads a lot when she was in high school. One of the things I did was to declare her favorite fast food restaurant a "safe place". At least once a week I took her to lunch there and the rule was that only positive things could come out of my mouth there. That was not the time for me to ask her how her grades were or tell her that no, I wouldn't buy those super-short shorts. She got to talk about whatever she wanted to talk about and I didn't give her advice, try to fix her problem or tell her anything negative. What I am saying is that you are an adult now. You are obviously an intelligent, capable woman if you have a medical degree. You may be more capable of fixing this problem than your mom is. If you want to keep/repair this relationship, then think out of the box. There are things you can do and tools you can use. If you want a relationship with your mom, you may have to take the lead and show her how to treat you and organize the steps to healing. You cannot change other people, only yourself. Instead of thinking about all the things your mom should do differently, think about all the things you can do differently. There are many ways you can set the tone of the relationship, if you choose to. I am NOT saying "smack your hand, you do things wrong, too". I am saying that you have power you didn't have as a child. You can choose when/where you and your mom meet. You can choose how much time you spend with her. You can refuse to talk about topics that hurt you. But if you think your mom is incapable of changing, if she is still toxic, if you don't want the relationship, then only you can decide if what you want is to let go completely. Whatever you decide, I hope it goes well for you. Families are wonderful, but they can hurt a lot, too.

It seems that my post spoke more of my SD, and not so much about my SS. The situation at hand has a great affect on him as well. My SD never really bonded with BM like my SS did. He was always her favorite, and BM often pays much more attention to him. When she calls, BM will spend hours (literally) talking to him. But when SD asks to talk, as BM rarely asks to speak with her, BM comes up with some reason that she can't stay on the phone. In fact, SD birthday was`last week. BM didn't send a gift, or even a card. Worse yet, she didn't even call. Finally in the evening, SD called her. Once again, she could not talk to her. Once again, SD made up an excuse for BM's actions as to justify it (maybe the reality hurts too much). So I think that she is trying to gain Mom's approval by treating me as BM would want her to. As far as SS goes, I have never really been able to develop a relationship with him as he always "pushes me away". Perhaps he feels that even liking me would be in some way deserting his BM. However, lately we've noticed that he seems depressed. BM has not followed through on a few things (not that this is out of character for her), and my thought is that he is beginning to see the situation for what it really is. I think the pedestal he has her on is starting to crumble so to say. Unfortunately, I do have a tendency to let BM get me worked up when the kids act like brats and I know it's due to her influence. I try very hard not to take it out on the kids as I know they are stuck in a hard place too. It's so infuriating that someone 1000 miles away can have such an impact on the dynamic of our home. Oh, and what makes things all the more ironic is the fact that she and her BF just got married so that they can persue custody of his 2 kids from what she claims is a neglectful mother! She has even gone as far as to ask my husband to write a letter of reference for her as a parent. I could do nothing but chuckle and shake my head on that one! BM has even told SS that she could not put more minutes on the cell phone she got him because all of their money was going to the lawyer to try to get new husband's kids. Our counselor was disgusted when she heard this, as she said...What a slap in the face to that child. BM has told SS that when he is old enough to decide, that he can come live with her. So she will keep stringing him along I guess. Meanwhile it is tearing these children apart in the hardest time of a child's life.

And common sense goes a long way. I started thinking how most of us who post here are city dwellers with indoor jobs which are the result of established communities & urbanization. I'm comparing us to the people who immigrated here, many desperate to simply obtain land with the goal of living off the land, fur trading, lumber etc. What really makes us any less guilty? We use fossil fuels and enjoy all the luxuries and entertainments of modernization while mourning the loss of a pristine landscape. The people who settled here had a much greater understanding and bond to the land than we do, they were a part of it. The best we can hope to accomplish is awareness through education and being sensitive to the environment and land, trying to help in any small way to preserve & protect it. A lot of little guys appreciating and growing natives along with not wasting resources does add up but we have to keep things in perspective and not go radical in our attitudes spouting off like zealous warriors which only turns most people off. BBC America has been showing some very well produced nature shows every Tuesday night, they play back to back all evening long. Has anyone else been catching those? Last night the subject was "The Human Planet". Very thought provoking stuff, they showed desert people whose main concern in life has always revolved around the effort to get water & food. I checked out some Willa Cather books last week, its interesting reading about the settlers which puts things into perspective.