By request from Daisy - here you go Miss Daisy:

WOMEN'S ADS:

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40-ish....................49

Adventurer............Slept with all your friends

Athletic..................No t!ts

Average looking.....Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful.................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile....Does a lot of Ecstasy

Emotionally Secure.. Medicated

Feminist.................Fat ballbuster

Free spirit...............Junkie

Friendship first.......Trying to live down reputation as a s!ut

Fun....................... Annoying

Gentle....................Comatose

Good Listener........Borderline Autistic

New-Age................All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned.........Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded..........Desperate

Outgoing.................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............Sloppy drunk

Poet.......................Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional............Certified B!tch

Redhead.................Bad dye-job

Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat

Romantic................Looks better by candle light

Social.....................Been passed around like an hors

d'oueuvres tray

Voluptuous.............Very Fat

Weight proportion w/ height..Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate...................Stalker

Widow.......................Drove first husband to shoot

himself

Young at heart.............Old bat

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MEN'S ADS

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40-ish....................52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic..................Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking.....Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated...............Will patronize the sh!t out of you

Free Spirit..............Banging your sister

Friendship first.......As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun........................Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking.........Arrogant

Very good looking....Dumb as a board

Honest...................Pathological Liar

Huggable...............Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle.......Insecure mama's boy

Mature...................Older than your father

Open-minded.........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested

Physically fit...........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet.......................Wrote ex-girlfriend's number on a bathroom stall

Sensitive.................Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive.........Gay

Spiritual.................Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable....................Arrested for stalking, but not

convicted

Thoughtful.............Says "Excuse me" when he farts