Moving this up. The auction was put on the site today. Great way to get free scrapbook supplies!

Answering three at once here... We also thought that 100 reasons was too long, but we weren't about to go against BM's instructions for this. If she had made him come up with 100 reasons to finish his lunch, then we probably would have shortened it, but fighting is a big deal. Since you all think that his negative/defeatist/self-loathing reasons are a part of being 9 and knowing he did something bad, I'll try to not be too concerned. And we'll just try to emphasize the individual behaviors as single incidents. We often bring up a past good incident as an example of what he should be doing, and to remind him of that has made good decisions in the past, so we know he can do it in the future. Once in awhile we bring up a past bad incident as an example of what not to do, but that's rare. He's generally pretty confident and proud of his academic and sports achievements. Once in awhile he'll say "I only got 24/25 my math facts because I'm pretty dumb." We reply something like "24/25 is not the grade of dumb person! You did great on it! Nobody knows everything all the time, and everyone is allowed to make mistakes. You're smart and don't you forget it!" I don't know if keeping consequences non-personal would work... I've mentioned before that I suspect he has some ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) on top of his ADHD. Well, he REALLY blames others for his own mistakes and problems. For example, there was a recent battle to get him to admit that HE left his bike on the driveway (he insisted that Papa moved it, the neighbour moved it, a thief came to steal it but then changed his mind halfway down the driveway, etc) even though Papa and FDH saw him leave it there. We're trying to get him to take responsibility for his own actions at this point. My 4yo niece is that same as JNM's DS though. If she thinks that anyone is disappointed in her, the waterworks begin and she is apologizing left and right. She's also VERY well behaved, but she feels absolutely awful when she does something wrong. I like the idea of writing some of the scenarios we talk about. I'll suggest it to FDH and maybe next time we have something we have to do hypothetical situations for, I will write them too and he can write down what he will do in each case. This idea just keeps getting better - it could be photocopied so BM knows EXACTLY what we've talked about at our house. I think this could work well. I'll also talk to FDH about the diary of how A__ should behave at GM's house. Since it's her mom's house, she obviously gets to make the decision. I think it probably would be helpful to have a list to refer back to of what he needs to do. We wrote down his grounding rules this time and that made it easier for him to remember/understand when he was restricted from something he wanted. Rewards for checks hasn't worked in the past for him (he cheated on his star chart), but the last attempt was a few years ago, so maybe he's old enough now to handle it. Thanks for the help and encouragement!

John, I wonder if you were an Italian grandma in a previous life? Many Italians in the North End of Boston where my DH grew up had second kitchens in their homes. They had tiny little sweet Nonnies (grandma) that wore aprons and pinched your cheeks. The 2nd kitchen was so the rest of the home would not overheat with all the cooking. But I believe it was for another reason, let me explain. My husband's Nonnie had a kitchen in the basement. And boy oh boy if you went down their uninvited you would get your ear pulled. It was her private space to roll out pasta, stir heated sauces, canned tomatoes, store her back patio garden grown tomatoes, onions and basil, and that basement was her retreat from the family drama. If someone showed up to dinner unannounced, no worries Nonnie had pasta in the freezer, Risotto ready to go, or a cheese that was for company. She would magically appear laided with food to make them feel welcome. Sometimes Nonnie would spend time with a sister or daughter. They would cook, laugh, cry, delight in each other's company but mostly it was for his Nonnie only. Her 2nd kitchen was her escape from the familial drama and place to enjoy her passion for cooking. Not really the heat. It was more than keeping the heat out of the city brownstone. Sometime if you were lucky Nonnie would invite you to help her but this was rare. My husband only in his 40s still remembers his nonnie rolling out Gnocchis in different containers so each one of his aunts, uncles and adult cousins could take them home. She made special meatballs for this uncle who wanted only pork and this one who wanted raisins in his and this Aunt who wanted small ones. Everyone was spoiled with food. It was her way to express her love to her family. I wish you could build a 2nd kitchen for yourself. One with giant locks, bolts and secret codes that only those truly worthy could enter. They would bring you joy while you cook and not interupt or destroy the magic you need to create amazing dishes. When we do entertain, ( i am not the chef you are) I am one of those people who pre-cooks. I know this is terrible. I make the lasagna hours before so only have to bake it, or have DH grill while my accompanyments are simple. Otherwise the interuptions and chatty kattys drive me batty. Wishing you a good solution to your layout and passion for cooking. ~boxer

Suzi, Good deal on the back up offer. But I would advise to not play hardball too much as far as trying to get the primary buyers to terminate the contract. After all, your secondary buyers presented you an offer, not a contract. A BIG difference. If you really are going to put roadblocks up in the path for the primary buyers, then have the secondary buyers execute a backup contract. This will offer you a lot more leverage than your current situation. Thanks for citing how the buyers found your property... Although the above suggestions on marketing to pilots, grocery store customers and fishing guides is all fine for some, I have found to spend the resources and energy on where ultimately buyers find properties... on line and through their agent. In other words, the MLS.