Certainly many tests are just bogus and BS, but we can't change that. People take tests everywhere in the world, Denmark, Kenya, Lithuania etc. And tests don't end with school. Of course there are many teaching strategies but that's not what you were talking about but only about testing. I never said anything about teaching strategies and don't recall praising American education at all. Doing well on tests takes more than just paying attention, it takes ability to summarize and find the most important information and eliminate and think logically and time oneself, it involves a lot. Some people do better than others. paying attention is important, but it is only one variable. By this logic everyone who is able to pay attention would have 2400 out of 2400 on SAT. Successful test taking involves more than that. As about Denmark or other European countries... high school students take enormous number of tests including comprehensive high school exit exam. American does have the gold standard at all, most European universities do not even accept American high school graduates because unfortunately US level of secondary ed is not up to the standard. So education in Europe is very rigorous and involves extensive testing at every level. I don't think your comparison is that relevant. Also in Europe students who do poorly are usually tracked rather early on and are pretty much on vocation path early on. They are not required or forced to compete with others since they are tracked as not college material. So rather than forcing struggling student to take tests that he/she cannot manage, they are provided with different type of education, more of a vocational type. And how are they tracked? primarily through comprehensive testing. So your examples of European education are not very accurate. saying all that the US provides by far the best services for people with special needs, no where in the world people with special need have that many rights and get that many accommodations. US is the place to be for people with disabilities. This is absolutely great!!! i think US does have gold standard in that field. Other than that not so much... Practice notes with me won't help. I have severe case (although not as bad as my mother's), i don't even recognize people's voices. I accepted that it is something I lack. I would never consider career in music. It would be stupid of me.

This is what I would do. I might even take "just her" out of school on one particular day, and I would arrange it ahead of time with her teacher on a day when little was happening. And I would tell her that, say that on Tuesday (or what ever day you choose) is _______ day. (insert her name). Tell her on that day, she is going to have a special day. You are not rewarding bad behavior, but instead, getting her back on track with your family. It would be a day when just the two of you go out to a special lunch. You go for a long walk while the other kids are in school. You hand her a piece of paper that says "pass" on it, and tell her that this special paper gives her the opportunity to say and talk about whatever she wants to say. Even if it "hurts" for you to hear...let her get it out. And simply listen...really, really listen, and try not to be defensive, etc. Let her talk about what is on her heart, and about her time with her mother. Just let her get it out, and bite your tongue as best you can, as she tells you things you may or may not want to hear. I am imagining that since you and your DH have custody of her, and that her mother moved out of state away from her child, that this "mother" is not mother of the year. Was this young girl "safe" while with her mother? Could something have "happened" or do you simply think that it is as simple as her mother bad mouthing you and your DH, to try and make herself look better in her daughters eyes? Could the slowness be depression or profound discouragement and hopeless feelings created by a mother who "chooses" to be absent from her little girls life? Could it be a young girl who struggles internally with the conflicts over the disappoint with who this mother of hers really is, and not understanding these feelings or how to cope with them? Let her talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. And then you will know what she is struggling with, and what is creating the problems. Some of the problems may go away, simply because she is able to talk about them and get them out, and not keeping them inside creating havoc. I would work with her so that the feelings she is experiencing do not take hold and turn into anger, rage, and all that can make a teenager so difficult. Yes, part of the behavior is part of being 11. And yet, this young girl has more going on than that. Most cannot imagine their "mother" abandoning them at such an age. I remember reading about the actress Meg Ryan whose mother did this, and the pain this caused the actress for years. How she will have no relationship with this mother who abandoned her as a young girl. It might also be the time to talk to her about the "facts of life" and I love the idea of a special box filled with girl goodies, like feminine products, deodorant, lip gloss, etc, for you and she to anticipate and acknowledge the changes that will be coming in the next year or two. IMO, you can get a lot more of what you want from her with honey (understanding) than with anger and punishment. ***I want to add that depending on her fathers personality and relationship with his daughter, all of this might be better if her dad does this with with his young daughter. He might better be able to discuss the things on her heart regarding her mother (and the disappointments) the divorce from her mother, the behavior of her mother, and perhaps some of the things her mother may have told her. If you both decide that your husband should open up these lines of communication with his daughter, tell him to listen...listen...and listen and let her simply "talk" and get all of this out. Sometimes, feeling really "heard and understood" can relieve feelings of depression, etc. But to me, what this child needs more than anything is to talk and work through some of what she must be feeling about her mother, and the disappointment in her, and the guilt for being disappointed, and the realization deep down of who this mother of hers really is, and her lack of presence in her daughter life. Is she the oldest? Does she have a natural sibling that lives with her, or are the other children in the house yours, or children you and her father had together, after getting married? I guess to help you feel compassion, instead of frustration and anger with her, is to try and understand her. Can you imagine if your own parents had divorced, and you went to live with your father and his new wife. And your mom just moved away, out of state for either a job, or a lover, and you were left behind? Even though your dad's new wife might be nice enough, there would still be a struggle over why your mom moved away, and left you. Ya know? I think you are doing a good job in trying to help this young girl, and trying to work with her, and understand her struggles. This is just my take on the whole thing. And last, because she struggles in school, can you find something that she is good at, and encourage her in this area, so that she feels good about herself. For example, is she creative and can you help her to learn to choose recipes and cook special meals once a week for the family. Make sure that the other children in the family are positive about her efforts. She could watch the cooking show and try making a simple dinner, letting her do most of it but you being nearby to lend a hand here and there, but give her all of the credit and make a big deal out of her efforts. Or a sport, etc., so that she builds good feelings about herself. It must be hard to be the one in school who struggles so, because there are always those "perfect" girls who are so bright and their parents make sure they are on top. Perhaps you could explain to her that every one has gifts, and where she may struggle in one area, she may excel in another. And the students who are so bright, will have other areas where they have struggles others may not know about. That some may be great in math, but find vocab a struggle. others may find vocab a breeze, but struggle with math. Anyway, help her find something to feel good about, because a mother's abandonment can set her up right off the bat to feel bad about herself. Anyway, hang in there, and I applaud your efforts at helping this young girl!

Sorry ashley missed your post.... Mom called DSS back in July when I refused to let SD talk to her mom after she had already been on the phone with her for 4 hours. When DSS came to our home they didn't find anything to really charge any of us with .... but they felt SD actions required some immediate intervention... so they came once in july once in aug and once in sept. to our home but they go weekly to mom's on either a wed or fri... to "meet with the children" because every monday and thurs mom would call and report us to DSS for something else .... she even took SD9 and SS10 to the police station to file a report against hubby because he let them go to their mothers instead of arguing with them ... she said he was just looking to get rid of them ... then she had them speak to the judge how "they were afraid to come home" So DSS thinks SD is in danger. The boys are in counseling mom met with their counselors last week ... I spoke with the counselor on tues (14th) and said ... well DSS had til friday (10th) to have services in place so I am guessing they are closing the case ... DSS called me an hour later to tell me they are keeping the case open and that the counselors filed against mom for emotional abuse of my SC. DSS told us in Sept they had big plans ... for us ... including family therapy, daily visits from a parenting aide, a whole list of "things" and none of it had been put in place by the 10th that was the end date of the 45 day assessment. Mom calls DSS one month before they have to go back to court this is the third time she has called but its the first time anything came of it .... When I spoke with DSS they said the parenting aide wasn't going to work because that was only an 8-week assessment and our case is going to take longer than 8 weeks .... If I hear one more person say for the sake of the children I am just going to explode!!!

I'd be happy to participate. I did a paper once on why married men cheat online. I simply went on a free dating site and asked them to anonymously tell me why they were out there looking for sex when they were married. It was very interesting. Isn't the internet wonderful? So much information, so little time.