Greetings jampack, Thank you for your generous comments. I absolutely, completely agree with you about "reinventing" ourselves. I call it creating a new life using the strengths from the "beloved life" or just simply "the past." We can view the beloved life but we cannot participate in it anymore, so take the strength of the beauty of the memories and the great love shared and heal the pain of grief and move into creating a new life. What really encouraged me in always moving forward in my healing from the pain of grief was to take care with my thoughts and my self-talk. What I think, I create. My thoughts become things. If I think something will be horrible........guess what, it WILL definitely be horrible!! Or, "I will never get through this, I am destined to suffer from now until I die." But, if my thoughts go like this: "This will be a difficult situation for me and I will experience deep pain (or agony, discomfort, embarrassment, fear, etc) but I know with great faith, I will get through this and be stronger for the journey." The situations and events that this can be applied to are endless. But it must be used fervently. It doesn't have to even be believed at first. But practice, practice, practice. Write the phrase down and carry it with you. Having been a consummate, professional horse trainer for over 30 yrs, I used those very skills to train myself to heal. In training horses, compassion, kindness and positivity are the greatest tools for success; and, the successes are measured in tiny increments....tiny steps. When one is in the throes of the most horribly, painful feelings of their entire life, DON'T STOPKEEP MOVING!!! I have heard countless times when I share my story at grief seminars, "When my spouse (child, parent, sibling) died, I died with them and my life has ended." Now, this is 100% true, but only to the extent that the life with the deceased has ended. Then, too, a large percentage of those folks refuse to/don't know how to create a new life. It is common for these folks and fellow grievers to feel that by torturing themselves with as much pain as they can inflict on themselves, they are honoring their beloved departed one. But, just sit back for a moment and do a "what if" scenario. What if you, yourself, died, was killed, committed suicide, or whatever, would you want your family and loved ones to stay in a painful, morose, joyless, depressed agony for the rest of their time on this earth; day after day, year after year???? I absolutely wouldn't. I would pray that they transplant themselves into a wonderful new life to experience once again joy, happiness and love. I have heard the cry, "Will I always feel this way?" or "Will the pain EVER go away?" My answer is a resounding, jubilant YES, YES, YES!!! The pain will recede when you choose to let go of it; but, only if you choose to heal the pain of grief. You must decide for yourself, "Am I clinging to the pain because if I let it go I will lose the love for my beloved or they will forget about me or I will forget about them?????" I can assure you with all of my heart that if you stop clinging and release the grip on what can never be, you will experience the closeness of what can be. (I feel such a warm, loving, close relationship with my Michael, now.) Do you always want to feel "this way?" It is your choice!! Everyone heals at their own pace. Consider it to be like planting a seed. It seems like forever before the little seedling pops through the soil and starts growing towards the energy of the sun, to blossom and grow to grandeur. But, we must keep watering it even if we don't see it yet. So goes our healing. The mind is critical and sharp, with a tendency to focus on what's wrong, rather than appreciating what's right. When you have gone SO far that you can't manage ONE MORE STEP!---------------------Remember, you have gone just half the distance you are capable of. Turquoise

You got it! Actually any kind of dancing - before an illness took me out of the game we did ballroom dancing (neither of us are particularly graceful, but we did a floor-clearing samba at a wedding once - a very fond memory), we also did line dancing. All good fun and good exercise and something we did just for us. My husband signed on as a good sport but ended up having as much or more fun than I did. We took classes at the local adult education center -- very laid-back, inexpensive -- everyone just looking for some fun and surprisingly, we learned a lot!

I'll be the odd (wo)man out here. I love to cook, but I've been doing since I was 11 yrs old, and frankly cooking 7 days a week is drudgery. Add in breakfast and/or lunch and it's a pain. I loved my career and it wasn't unusual to be gone 12-13 hrs, 5 days/wk. Weekends were crammed with errands and family/friends. We are fortunate to live in one of the greatest restaurant areas in the world: the San Francisco Bay Area. There is great food at all price points. You can eat for $5 or $500, but either way you could eat well -- check out NYTimes' Seth Kugel's visit last month to Portland, where he gave himself an $8/meal budget and was wowed by the amazing meals he got from the local food trucks. When I worked it wasn't unusual for us to go out 4-5x/wk. The question was, "What country do you want to eat today?" We could do Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai, Cal-Mex, American, Moroccan, Korean, French, Italian, Burmese, Greek, and more - all within 1 mile walk, and usually several iterations of each one (you couldn't even count how many Chinese restaurants of various regionalities there were). Now we're retired. We have both money and time. When I feel like cooking, I make the dishes that took too much time when I was working - long slow braises or slow-roasting, or dishes that just require an enormous amount of prep. But we still go out 3-5x/wk, When we travel around the area as we like to do (we just got back from Napa last week and will be in Sonoma next month), we travel specifically to eat. In Napa, we had amazing, elegant, fabulous Cal-French food that I would never bother cooking in a million years. There were brilliant combinations, such as the black cod served with a seafood sabayon, roasted matsutake mushrooms, and the tiniest perfect baby turnips that had no bitterness at all. Or an amazing carpaccio, dressed with nothing but a touch of Meyer lemon EVOO. I cook when I want to, but dining out is simply more fun. No shopping, no prep, no dirty dishes, no leftovers, no fuss. Yes, I could grow my own piquillo peppers and buy Ceylon cinnamon -- but why? I'd rather go to the great Spanish tapas restaurant a few minutes away and have them roast, skin and stuff the peppers with fresh chevre; roast, skin and sprinkle the cinnamon on fresh beets; and make that perfect paella 'tradicionale" for my spouse and the dreamy Fideua Negre, noodle paella with squid ink, for me. I mean, do I seriously want to buy a pressure cooker just for my octopus? Why should I bother cleaning and skinning a cephalopod when there's at least a dozen restaurants that make fabulous smoke-grilled octopus within 5 miles of our house? Should I want to soak the bacalhau in 8 changes of water over two days? It would just be so much easier to go to the Cuban or Portuguese or Italian restaurants, and have a couple of orders of really amazing salt cod fritters or roasted salt cod with polenta, instead! The take-out food these days is so much better quality than before. One place offers a marvelous frozen (bake it at home) chicken pot pie - perfect butter pastry, organic chicken breast and organic vegetables - all they offer is either a fried chicken sandwich on artisanal roll with housemade slaw, or the pot pie. That's it; they open 4 days/wk for 3 hrs a day and then go home to raise their baby daughter. Lines out the door every day. One specialty market with various food sellers (we lust after their pork tomahawk chop - wowie! What a hunk of meat!) has lovely little frittatas with artichoke, red pepper and Gruyere. My DH hates frittatas, so I buy one for myself while he gets the penne with San Marco marinara and Kurobuta pork meatballs; that way we both win. I loathe Food Network. When I write up reviews on the restaurants we've eaten at (I do it for my own archives, not to publish them), I often refer negatively to "Food Network chefs" - cooks who slop the food out as fast as possible, in ridiculous combinations of too many ingredients. They don't know the difference between a sauce Amoricaine and a Bordelaise. Bleh. It's taken me decades to get my DH off the crappy food he grew up with. But he's finally come around, so that when we drop $$$$ on the perfect dinner at Etoile or Spoonbar or La Folie, he says, "That was absolutely worth every penny." And you know, it is. Here is a link that might be useful: NYTimes Frugal Traveler does Portland on the cheap This post was edited by jkom51 on Wed, Sep 10, 14 at 0:17

nidnay - at our current facility we have an 8 stall barn with a bathroom, 12' X 18' office, and 12' X 24' tackroom, with the barn being about 125' away from the back of our house (facing it actually). I've lived here for 18 years now and we RARELY EVER use the stalls, so we don't plan on building a 'stable' (or a barn with stalls). The horses are going to live out with shelters in each pasture. Our current barn had to have it's own it's own septic system. $$$ The current land we are looking at only had one perc site for 4 bedrooms. I don't want to pay for the test for a second perc ($250) plus the cost of having another septic system (about $4K), as well as creating a climate controlled office and bathroom in the barn (a mini split system is about $3K and a 2 piece bathroom probably around $2K). That is about $10K right there in a separate septic, a 2 piece bathroom, and office and climate control for both (as well as permitting, creating plans, etc.). All things that would have already been in the house at the square footage we had to build. Plus grading for a large barn was going to be expensive. We found a place next to the house to put in a modest shed row 'barn' for a tack room, feed room and grooming, that will work with the topography of the land for minimal grading work. We did this to keep things cost effective. It's just my husband and I living in this house, it's not like we have kids to keep separated from my business. We're both fine with this situation. The door up the stairs to the main floor will have a lock on it. And I don't have a lesson mill program, I focus on quality not quantity. I've been teaching for over 20 years now. I keep about 8 weekly students at any given time. I get to know my students and my parents well... my students tend to stick around for years. Same for my boarders. We'll have 2 or 3 boarders at the new location. At our current facility 3 of our customers have been with us for 5+ years. At one point or another I end up paying most of my students and all of my boarders to house sit / dog sit / farm sit for us when we go on vacation. I'm pretty confident they are not going to bust the door down to access the main floor of my home. And they won't be there at inappropriate hours of the day / night anyhow. Vigil Carter - I guess you didn't read my last post. We priced out a 1 story 'ranch' with the same builder. 2200 sq ft was going to cost $209,000 THEN another $15K because of the sloped ground to add more courses to the crawl space foundation. This 1700 sq ft two story house, without walkout basement, came in at $178K pre-basement. The cost of the completely finished 840 sq ft basement, with a grand total heated sq ft of 2540, came to a total less than the single story 2200 sq ft ranch. Though we could have gotten a separate entrance in-law space, the in-law space would have been way smaller (by over 150 sq ft) and I would not have had an office that was separate from my main living space. I lift 50 pound bags of feed and hay nearly daily and my husband is military / infantry, we are active horse riders and hikers. I think we can handle interior stairs for another 12+ years. :) At that point if it starts to bother us then we can add a master suit to the side of the house (which we had already spec'd out anyhow but we just do not need at this time).