I would like to discuss this part first "the words retire and downsize have entered our conversation. Not happy." To me, this part of your post should be the focus of discussion, not geography. Why retire, then? A lot of posters are responding as though you are in NYC or in a commuting area of NYC, but you are not. If you are 90 miles outside of NYC, then i would think you are not in a terribly high priced area, or at least that, you could move a town or two over if you are ... unless I am mistaken, other than some of the touristy areas, NY state outside of the ambit of NYC (which 90 miles certainly is), is rather depressed and not terribly expensive. So I would think you could reduce housing expenses without a drastic move. While not traditional retirees, our family was able to choose where we wanted to live and we did consider many areas. We looked at college towns because we assumed we would find kindred spirits and activities. One thing we discovered is that the places we really wanted to be were never terribly cheap. Cheaper than metro NYC, where we were, yes, but not compelling. The cheap places, we didn't like. In the end we were probably going to stay in our community, when by happenstance we came across our house in CT (an hour from our old town). I love our home and I think this community and it's wealth of private schools have made it a better place to raise our family, but I underestimated how much I would miss our friends and how valuable the time we had spent becoming part of that community was to us. I have friends that have moved to other areas of the country, particularly the South, and are surprised by how different the culture is versus this area, and were not happy there. I'm sure the feeling was mutual! All of this it to say that I think one of the most important factors in your happiness is community, friendships, family. Make sure your decisions optimize those parts of your life. or at least strongly weigh them.

Hello, I stumbled across this forum while looking for some gardening information. I have lived in Playas de Rosarito (Rosarito Beach) in Baja California since 1986. From what I am reading, there are a lot of misconceptions regarding Mexico. Yes, there are currently problems with the "Narco Wars" and the border cities are experiencing more crime due to so many Mexican nationals being deported from the US. The "Narco Wars" are not something that Mexicans worry about in their daily life. Most of the persons getting knocked off are other bad guys. The average person is not being shot in the street. On the other hand, the US deported Mexicans, many who are criminals, are having an effect on life here along the border. We are experiencing more home burglaries; car thefts (which there were very few here until the late 90Âs); and, the occasional assault. Our police chiefs have a hard life as they are out to clean up the Narcos and the newly arrived criminals. Some of the chiefs get killed! Still, our crime rate here is well below that of San Diego, Los Angeles or any other medium to large size US city. We, who live here full-time, adjust our life to fact that this is the third world. What does that mean? We stay away from "crazy" tourist joints; make the communities where we live "hard targets" so that the petty thieves and burglars stay away from us; and, we heed the State Department advice of not driving around in the wee hours of the morning. The majority of visitors that have problems in Mexico make their own problems. They give the cops bribes instead of paying tickets at the station; they get drunk, disorderly and set themselves up for robbery or shakedowns; they do things that people living in third world countries would never do and because of their actions, these visitors experience problems. Before traveling from the first world to the third world, people need to know the difference between these worlds. ThatÂs how one stays safe. You are familiar with the rules in the US. A lot of them work the same here. People in the US that go to bars in rowdy areas and get drunk and disorderly get into fights and are sometimes rolled! People in the US experience burglaries; narco shootouts; gang drive-bys; dead people turning up in trunks of cars and bodies buried along the highway. They have school shootouts; postal employees going berserk and lots of other things. I donÂt know about you, but I donÂt frequent rowdy areas or bars in them; I donÂt get drunk; donÂt pay bribes to corrupt cops; stay out of narco or gang areas and try not to do things that might cause me to wind up dead in a car trunk or buried in a shallow grave off the road. The justice system here leaves a lot to be desired. Yes, the police can be corrupt. The district attorneys are mostly inept. On the other hand, if you get into difficulty on the street, people will respond to your cry for help. They donÂt just look out the window, they turn out in force! There are trade-offs. You make them every day in the states. We make them here in Mexico. Drive-by narco shootings affect us just about as much as drive-by shootings affect you in your cities. Burglaries and assaults bother us more than they bother most medium and big city dwellers in the states. We haven't been used to them. Prior to the past 7 years, most burglaries in my community were those that happened to unoccupied "weekender" houses that tend to be grouped together by the beach. Oddly, these folks never seem to put alarms into their houses. The pluses to living and/or retiring in Mexico are: 1. The tight knit communities; Mexican, American or mixed, you get to choose. 2. The slower pace of life in the majority of the country. Compared to most areas of Mexico, cities in the states are like clocks with their spring wound too tight. 3. Lower cost of living, although, the border cities are experiencing an upward push in prices. 4. Magnificent places to visit throughout the whole country. 5. If you live in the northern border region of Mexico, you can drive over the border and you have access to everything American.. 6. Most areas in Mexico are a gardenerÂs dream! 7. The Mexicans are friendly, gracious and have big hearts so long as you arenÂt an "ugly American" type of person. My point is that Mexico is by far a safer place for most people coming from any medium or large US city. Look at the Los Angeles newspapers; then look at the Tijuana newspapers; you will find that you are by far safer in Tijuana than L.A. DonÂt get caught up in the hype about Mexico that is printed in the US newspapers. I read US newspapers; watch US satellite TV; and, if I were to believe all the hype in the news about the US, I would be scared to death to set foot there. Read your newspapers and look at what you see from the viewpoint of a foreigner that might want to retire in the US. It would be scary, wouldnÂt it? I would be afraid to put my grandkid in school as he could be blown away by another student with an AK-47, a scenario that you wouldnÂt see here. If you are looking to retire down here, be discerning! DonÂt leave your brain at the border as many do. DonÂt flash your money; be overbearing; or, put people down because they donÂt have your financial wherewithal or education. Take the time to see how things are done down here. DonÂt believe what other "retirees" tell you about visas, bank trusts, rules, law and customs or confiscation of property. Most of them donÂt know much about any of that. If you rely on them and donÂt do your homework, you wonÂt find out that they donÂt know what they are talking about until it is too late to keep you out of problems you shouldnÂt be in to begin with. One case in point is Punta Banda in Ensenada, Baja California. The Americans blame everything regarding this problem on corrupt Mexicans. The problem was with the Americans. If they had done a little investigation, they would have easily found out that the land was in litigation. I donÂt know about you, but I wouldnÂt buy land in any country that was in litigation. See what I mean about some people leaving their brains at the border. I have lived outside the US for most of my 56 years. During that time I have lived in several countries. You can live well and be happy in most any country. Some are more difficult than others. Mexico is one of the easiest places in the world for Americans and Canadians to live in. Come down; check it out and enjoy. Now, back to gardening!

I think you might try figuring out what you want your retirement to look like. Do you want to live near the beach, in a big city, in the country, mountains, in an over 55 community? Do you want to play golf a few times a week, or do you prefer visiting museums, or going on hikes? Is living near family a must or are you happy to fly or drive to visit a few times a year? Are you living in a high cost area and can you afford it in retirement or would moving to a low cost state ease you financially? I think writing down what is important to you can help clarify things.....cost of living, climate, access to good healthcare, activities, etc. I think the only way I would follow my kids would be if they or grand kids had a disability or something and they needed extra help on an ongoing basis. Would you want to live in an area you dislike just to be near the kids or family? And, as stated, job transfers happen...are you going to follow them every time?.....moving is expensive, finding new doctors, etc... We have the opposite dilemma. We're not retired yet but will be in a few years( I will go before DH). It looks pretty sure that two of our three kids will stay in this area..they are happy in pretty secure jobs. Do we move AWAY from them to a lower cost area, better climate, etc? They get a little upset when we talk about leaving, but they are busy and we don't see them every week anyway. Plus, as we age, I don't want to burden them with having to take care of us when they will have their own families to worry about. It's a lot to consider. Maybe you and your husband should pick a place where there isn't family that you both like and travel to visit each side. That's a fair compromise since it sounds like you won't be happy living near your step kids and he won't be happy living near your family.

I can’t imagine moving elsewhere — we have too many friends and connections in our current town and I don’t want to start over socially. We just moved to our “empty nest” home in the same town we’ve lived in for 22 years. (Still have one out of three kids home, but she will go to college next fall.) Even though we‘re in the same town, our location is a bit more urban feeling, which is what we wanted. We are very close to the post office, library, shops, etc. I love it, even though it’s been a little crazy as our house has been under construction (mostly exterior) for about 6 weeks now. There are a lot of couples nearby who are similar in age — some we already knew, some we’ve met since we moved. The house is really too big for just two of us, but will be perfect for when our kids and eventual grandkids visit. And will prevent DH and I from killing each other in retirement. (We need our own space.) Once we are in full retirement mode, I can see us spending summers at our beach house, a month or so someplace warm in the winter, and most of the rest of the year at our “main” house. DH is planning to retire next summer (at age 57) but I can‘t see our full retirement mode kicking in until our youngest has graduated from college.