Can a newborn mommy handle DIY remodeling?
kswartwout
11 years ago
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11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoFori
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Where's this rudeness coming from from new mommy daughter in law?
Comments (40)Well I have read all your comments about the rude DIL. The mother that said "have patience"....I've been patient for 10 months now. My grandson was born last October. I welcomed my son's girlfriend in my home 2 years before she became pregnant (living with me). I think I have a great relationship with her personally. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to come to the hospital for the birth. I respected their wishes because they wanted it done this way. No one to be there so they could relax and bond with no company. Her mom did not respect this and showed up anyway and stressed her and my son so bad by being there (constantly talking, laughing, etc) all day that her labor became stressful. My son was so upset. Finally they booted her mom out. Again I'm saying, I respected the wishes. My DIL breastfeeds and she claims he won't take a bottle. I say she's wrong. A little bottle manipulation will take care of that. Mfg. companies do not make the nipples wide enough so not enough milk comes out. (I breastfed my son but pumped so my parents could feed and bond with their grandson--I had to have the nipples opened a little more so he would take it). I feel she doesn't want me and my husband to feed him, which is a bonding experience to grandparents. When I told her about this trick, my son was excited to try it because he too wants to feed his son. If I'm giving to her (money, gifts, going out to eat, etc.) she comes over and stays for a good while so I can play with him. If I don't have anything to offer, I never see her and she's always busy if I want to go over to her house. Her mother and family dont help them out or see the baby but once a month, but when there is holidays, her family gets first dibs on the visit. Me and my husband are always last and the baby is tired because they get to my house so late. His first birthday party is being planned around her mothers schedule, not the grandparents that have literally spent out thousands of dollars to help with their bills and baby items. (they have asked and I have offered). Yes, I am expected to help her out with buying decorations, food, and the rental space at the park but me and my husbands schedule didnt matter. I, too, have taken care of many babies and know what I'm doing. She won't let the baby out of her sight. She's always "right there" and seems she wants him to always want her or cry for her when he sees her so she can take him. I feel I haven't got a grandchild or bonded the way my parents bonded with my son. I've respected their wishes since she gave birth to him. I've only babysat 20 minutes a couple times. Although one time she and my son was doing some delivery work to make some extra cash and left him with us for 3 hours when he was 5 months. I insisted on them not to ride around that long with the baby in the carseat. They agreed reluctantly.....Believe me, by the time they got back, my grandson was not happy. He wanted food that I couldn't give. Did not have a bottle because i was not allowed to feed him. So needless to say, I dont watch him long periods like that anymore (with no bottle). She pumps but claims she doesn't pump enough. He feeds and within an hour he's hungry again and she feeds him again. Seems like she's breastfeeding constantly. Like I said, I feel I'm being used and I have to "pay" to see my grandson. When hes out of the baby stage, boy, people will be getting some good deals at my yard sale because everything is new since I see him maybe once a week, sometimes once every two weeks. I've tried everything. In my opinion she's too too too overprotective. I'd like for my grandson to grow to be a tough playing little boy not the opposite. I need that bonding experience. Yes, i have tried to talk to both of them and theres always excuses that doesnt make sense. I do want you to know I love my DIL very much. I just want to feel I've got a grandson and feel the baby stage experience... not blink and he's a grown boy. Any advise, please help. I've done everything I know of and now just being unemployed, I'm short on money. Makes me feel I'm being used. My husband is upset, too. HELP!!!!...See MoreBF has newborn resulting from prior hook-up
Comments (60)@JMT - good suggestions, I will see how it goes Sat., and see what BF's mom thinks re shower gifts. @Amber/susan - as to BM trying to have all the power, I've told BF to stand up and be firm, without being pushy. No, BM shouldn't dictate who else sees baby on BF's visits, but it's at her house and she legally can deny entry if she wants until BF gets visits at his place. Yes, she can make plans too, but never is flexible for BF, whom she allows so little time w/baby already, no matter how special his plans are or the ease with which she could change hers to accommodate his if she chose to. BM clearly "gets off" on her control of the situation. @Susan -- BM only involved BF for the money. She has said she'd not have allowed visits at all, but her lawyer said she must. So, maybe she was advised that there is "more to it," but now that baby's here it's too late and she's done all she can to direct the course of things. True, I have no *legal* rights, but I can (and should) voice my concerns to BF and if the situation does not reach a point I can 'accept,' yes, I'll have to leave. The fact that BM has been immature, unreasonable, controlling and condescending so far makes me think it'll be very hard to accept and live with it... @Amber -- BF and I would see each other every weekend and sometimes once mid-week. Before I knew about a baby on the way, BF talked about moving here. No way I can leave my (well-paying) job, there are no similar opportunities in his small town and I have student loans to pay, plus I work long days already so commuting for me is problematic whereas he gets mileage to/from work. Best I can do is move to westside (now on east) and he'd have a 35-40 min commute. Assuming BF and BM split driving so each picks up baby on their days with her, that's not a horrible drive a few days a week, but it's certainly not as convenient as now. On the other hand, schools out my way are *much* better than the crap district BM and fiance moved into, so one would think in the long run it'd actually be best for BF's daughter, if she can get a superior education. Anyway, I won't sacrifice my career for this uncertain situation, not having ever lived with BF or knowing what future with child and BM holds. I also can't continue living an hour apart, feeling more like I have a pen pal than a partner. BF now of course has even less time for me, which wasn't much to start with, but I shouldn't have to put my life on hold while he sorts out his issues. I may suggest taking a break so he's not half-assing being a dad and a boyfriend, and see what happens. Thanks for all the helpful advice. I am still going to meet BM Sat., see what happens on the return court date next month, and take it from there....See MoreHelp with general contractor conflict, bathroom remodel & faulty tile
Comments (11)The GC told us to go to the showroom where we picked out the tile with the salesperson. The showroom has it's own full-time installers who did the labor. So, I suppose the supplier as the subcontractor "picked up and inspected" the tile. We never saw the tile before it was installed. We did not pick up (installer did), inspect (installer did), nor pay for the tile (GC paid the subcontractor). We complained about this to the GC immediately and said we weren't ready to pay for what we felt was a faulty product after install. He inspected it himself, twice, as did the installer, and they both basically shrugged it off and said it was cheap tile that "likes dirt" (this is not the case). Despite our complaints, the GC paid the subcontractor for the product and install. The tile that was installed was not the tile we picked out. It took over a year of us working directly with the subcontractor with no help from the GC to get the tile in front of a rep from the manufacturer who confirmed that the tile was faulty and should not have been installed. As the GC, I feel that he did not do what we have already paid him to do which was to facilitate the project and manage the renovations to ensure everything was completely properly in a timely fashion. We have paid him for all other subcontractor expenses as well as for his services and profit as the GC. We only withheld payment for this one item, which we knew was not completed properly....See MoreHow can I update this bathroom?
Comments (37)I'd love to see pics of the green bathroom. I've freshened one with baby blue tiles by scrubbing the tub and tile (tons of time and elbow grease), removed all caulk and most of the grout, re-grouted and caulked. I also replaced the floor, toilet and vanity. I think a good plan for your blue bath, when you are able, is to clean up the tile, add a white fabric shower curtain, have the floor polished, replace the vanity, faucet and light. Here is the one I restored. That's an Ikea vanity that goes well with the retro tile IMO. I'd stay with white paint and use art on the walls. Rather than paint the wood on the window how about a curtain or shade to draw the eye? I have two more bathrooms to tackle with old tile, one is off-white with gold speckles and the other with pink speckles. I'm thinking of covering the pink tile with wainscoting as it is in a powder room and the tile is part way up 3 walls. The gold speckles are subtle and I'll work with them as the room also has a shower stall I do not want to replace. The tile is in too good of shape to demo. Sometimes change is hard. Have you tried showing your Mom pictures and getting her involved in the planning? Regarding the door and trim, you really shouldn't paint unless there is a plan for the whole house. Are all the doors and trim wood? Would love to see the green bathroom!...See Morekirkhall
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