I wanted a white kitchen too, but then we found out that it would be an extra $55 per linear foot for our cabinets. DH would not go for it, and I had to agree.

Could you do a split where the island is one color and the surrounding cabinets and backsplash are white? Nothing like compromise.

I went and fell in love with dark chocolate brown, hit the granite yard and found some fantastic rock. If you can't do white then just keep looking at all the great kitchens on this site and find one that speaks to you. Just not a white one.

Grrrrr...just me but I would hold out for white at least in part of your kitchen. Can you do just the cabinets and then let him pick appliances, then you both pick out the counter top. What look are you going for....have you shared pictures with him or been to kitchen design studios that have white kitchens displayed?

aryno, good thought about splitting the colors, but that's originally what I pitched to him: a white perimeter of cabinets with a dark island. No go. Funny enough, I am reasonably happy with what appears to be our latest compromise -- chocolate brown/espresso cabinets. What kind of rock did you end up going with?

I think it would depend on what the other person wanted, and if I were happy with that.

vampiressrn, I started by saying "I want white cabinets" and showing him images I had pulled from DecorPad, Houzz, and this site, and he said (with a big roll of the eyes) that he "HATES" white cabinets. I asked why and he said they were too "girly." Then I did my best to find images of the most masculine white cabinets I could find and...no good. Sigh. I love your idea of each of us getting to pick particular elements of the kitchen, but my DH seems to have no interest in picking anything kitchen-related until I pick something out. Then he says OK or just says he doesn't like it. :p

palimpset, my DH's style isn't my style (very ultra-modern), but he at least is willing to meet me somewhere in the middle. (Which at this point, seems to be somewhere between "girly" and "ultra modern").

>Funny enough, I am reasonably happy with what appears to be our latest compromise -- chocolate brown/espresso cabinets.

Odd...your compromise is the exact opposite of what you want.

I once read a great perspective on this issue, on this board. Who 'owns' the kitchen in your household? As in, who spends the most time in it, uses it most, *cares* the most? It sounds like your husband is less interested in something particular than in exercising veto power.

This may not be a kitchen related quandary!

Our white kitchen is almost done and I went with a dark island because I was worried about the white getting extra dirty on the island because of seating. My husband was really against the white, but I said to him:
"do you cook?, no" "do you clean the kitchen?, no" "do you do the grocery shopping?, no???" That really put things in perspective for him, lol. Wow, that sounds mean, huh?

BUT now that it's in he LOVES it! It really makes the kitchen bright and modern. Do what makes you happy!

Oh, runninginplace and terry_s, I wish I could say that I "own" the kitchen! I think I would have an easier time standing my ground. As it is, DH and I are both professionals -- no kids -- and he does all of the cooking because (a) he enjoys it; and (b) he's an excellent cook. Me? Not so much. Makes it harder for me to demand that the kitchen be exactly what I want.

That said, I DO think that I have better taste in design!

I tend towards old fashioned, but I like the below also.

Here is a link that might be useful: {{!gwi}}

It sounds like you may have already made your decision, but could you both be happy with another color that is not DH's dreaded white, but has an appearance for you that is similar to the white kitchens you love?

And related to what Runninginplace said, I always ask, is this something your dh will forget about/not care that much about after it's in (or in 5 minutes after the decision is made), while you'll care every time you walk in and work in there? Is it something he's only giving an opinion on because he's been asked, but doesn't really care otherwise? Or will he care every day, too? If you like 'girly' and are the one in the kitchen...and are a girl, after all...why is 'girly' bad? Does he have a more masculine space in the house to hang out? Or is the kitchen open to the whole living area? The answers to all of these things could impact whose opinion might carry more weight.

My experience: I thought we were going to have a Q-sawn oak kitchen in Mission med-dark to go with our American Foursquare modified-Craftsman style home. DH became set on using the Douglas fir we had cut on our property for the interior trim, which would've been a clash of colors and grain, so we ended up with a mostly fir kitchen with some painted pieces instead of the oak. I decided to embrace the cool-factor of having the native wood in our house, so then set to work to create a new kitchen vision I could be excited about...Also, since DH built the cabinets, he had more say than another husband might. :-) There were a few things in our house that weren't my first choice, but were his and I'm OK with it. But if this is a kitchen remodel you've been dreaming of for a long time, and the kitchen is 'your baby,' it would be a far different situation than mine.

As others have said, maybe at least get some pieces or a section of your kitchen that has the look and color you love.

pugrolls: I did stand my ground on the fact I wanted dark burgundy cabinets and my husband thought (still thinks because our reno hasn't started quite yet) that they will be too dark. However, I compromised with him on the color of backsplash and counter tops....so give and take on both parts.

Now we are trying to pick flooring and that is going to be an issue. I think I will tell him to just go fishing for a few weeks and pick the flooring myself-that is a compromise don't you think-him fishing and me picking the floors?!!

Sounds like you have done what you can pug...maybe if you hold out longer he will concede???

Can you use opposite ideas, like black cabinets and pink counter tops with really frilly curtains...LOL.

Maybe incorporating some of the things he likes into the plan would be helpful. For example, if he likes brown...what about white cabinets with brown toned counters or walls. What about colors for appliances and hardware?

If you had to give up the white cabinets...can you go with a colored cabinet and a white counter?

I feel for you, I'm in the same boat. Made all of our design choices so far with the intentions of painting our honey oak cabinets a soft creamy white and sprucing them up with new doors and molding. Then DH sprang the news, he loves the oak and doesn't want to spruce them up. Say what!? I was stunned!

Since then, I've been slowly nudging, and he's starting to budge a bit. Most recently he said he is willing to go for it, in a year or so.

We cook together often and I really want the kitchen to be a space we both enjoy to be in yet at the same time, he has limited vision and likes the oak solely because it's wood not because it's his favorite design choice.

That's the thing, unless your DH cooks on a regular basis, I really think that the choices should be yours and that he should compromise. It's basically your space and where you spend most of your time. Right?

Isn't there a room that is "His"? I told my DH he's doing what he wants with his space and that even though I share the kitchen with him, it's really my space. That reasoning is helping him to sway. He has his library/office space, man cave whatever you want to call it as well as the entire basement. I have my kitchen so in the end, I know I'll have my white cabinets and sprucing done, it's just a matter time. Patience is key :c)

my dh hated white kitchens. or rather, he thought he did. i kept leaving pics of gorgeous white kitchens all over the house with different stone countertop combos. finally one day he sees one of my favorites: white with beaded inset cabs and drawers topped off by calacatta gold marble. he stops, walks away and then comes back to look again. i knew i had him. i'm glad he came around since i wasn't compromising.

I like Rhome's idea about another color. How about butter yellow? Or something like Elizpiz's?

I wonder if your husband's perception of white being girly is from a childhood encounter with white French Provincial girly furniture (canopy bed, vanity, etc.).

The main thing, though, is that you said, "Funny enough, I am reasonably happy with what appears to be our latest compromise -- chocolate brown/espresso cabinets." And also, "he "HATES" white cabinets." Plus, he's the cook. These are all terrific reasons to compromise on a cabinet color you're both okay with. Since you consider yourself the better designer, offer a trade-off: Compromise on the cabinets, but you get to choose (subject to a hate veto) the counters and backsplash.

I would be miserable if I were expected to cook in a kitchen that I hated the color of. And since, when he's doing all this better cooking, he's doing a traditionally female role, I also get it why he doesn't want to feel like he's doing it in a girl's space.

Give in on this one.

(But (((hugs))) for losing the dream room.)

My DH had feeble objections to most of my choices. I would always ask him "who cleans the kitchen? Who uses the kitchen?" it's all me. Therefore all mine! (that's the part where I would start cackling) So I got away with making executive decisions on everything but countertops.

Really, I wanted marble perimeters and a wood topped island. He wouldn't go for the marble on the perimeter so I tried soapstone perimeter, marble island top. I wouldn't budge on the marble somewhere, anywhere in the kitchen but ended up with leathered granite instead of soapstone. Although, again, I'm the only one who uses or cleans any of it.
Pugrolls, maybe you can pick an element or two that you won't budge on and compromise the others, at least you'll have some kitchen victories under your belt. I think few of us get away without having to pick our battles and compromises with these new kitchens. It sure does feel like the end of the world when you get your heart set on something though.

Pugrolls, I strongly join you in your Booooo to all partners vetoing white kitchens.

Here's the approach I took. I loved the white kitchen, dark stained island look. I pored through tons and tons of photos to get to this decision. Hubby wasn't so sure he liked the look. He thought a dark stained kitchen would be a safer bet.

I played the direct approach at first. "It's the right choice, don't even question it." He was still a doubting Thomas.

I played the patient and collaborative approach. "Okay, let's have a look at what other options are out there." He kept looking back at my inspiration photo and admitted that my choice was among the top.

I played the convincing approach. "See, the white cabinets are more feminine while the dark are more masculine." "The white cabinets are on the outside and will make the room feel bigger, whereas the dark island will look like a standout piece of furniture."

I played the negotiator approach (even though I wanted mixed cabinetry from the start). "You like dark, I like white. We both get what we want!" Innocent grin from me.

I'm not sure which approach worked...but maybe it was just persistance. We now have the satisfaction of loving the result of our white kitchen with dark island and dark hutch, and he still looks back and says "honey, I'm glad you convinced me to go with it." He loves it so much that when we were doing a wall unit in the adjoining family room, he couldn't decide if we'd go with a light paint or a dark stain (we went with the latter by the way).

One other negotiating point...I made the case that the kitchen was my room, while the family room was his room. Some photos. Excuse the mess as we're in reno mode. The wall unit in the family room is half done - the fireplace will have the same wood panelling and will have a honed black granite surround.

My room...pretty white cabinets, traditional.

His room, dark stained, modern flat panel cabinets that will clad the fireplace as well (it's not done yet), huge a$$ television (52").

I also forgot to mention that I had to let my DH put a ginormous TV front and center over the fireplace mantle in exchange for white cabinets. Good luck to you!

Pugrolls...oh do I feel for you. Four years ago, I wanted white cabs so badly but with all the renovations we were doing on the entire house, we passed on the premium for paint white maple. Now...here I am...redoing my kitchen again. I chose a maple brown cab with coffee brown granite. I am going back to what I originally wanted...the shaker white cab w/ honed carrara. In the end, I was not happy and every day I walk into my kitchen and it SO rubs my soul the wrong way. I really learned a valuable lesson - a costly one. I learned how important it is listen to that voice inside you and to have harmony with your home...after all...it is a very personal extention of ourselves. If you want a white kitchen, then try to find a way to get it. Or if you think you can live w/ one of the great compromises offered...then go for one of those.

Redroze's kitchen is such a great example of how white can be unfrilly. The dark stained floors and the dark island give the room some heft and may even appeal to his modern side. You can also have very plain white cabinets that will be more modern too. Maybe that might move him toward a compromise.

My DH was not keen on the white but he wanted white walls and white everything else. I had to make him understand that you can't have a dark stained kitchen in an all-white home. Just doesn't go.

Keep trying Pug! Keep looking for that perfect compromise! Also, one option that we seriously entertained was white oak. It can appear very light! Try and look for lighter options with a modern bent, which might be more his style.

I want to send you a photo of some white kitchens but can't figure out how to since they are saved as Word doc...can anyone help me?

I wore the Hubster down. He was not a "white kitchen guy" and it was too "frilly nilly". (Yes, those are his exact descriptions.)

I told him I wanted a "creamy white" kitchen, not a stark white kitchen. That it would look "fresh and airy" and (this was probably the winning word) "uncluttered".

I just started looking at "creamy whites" and before long he realized this was MY dream, and he really didn't care what color it was as long as it didn't cost an arm and a leg. An arm OR a leg, fine. But not both. ;^)

Show him the animala's kitchen. There is nothing "frilly nilly" about that one.

Or if you decide to go dark afterall, you MUST check out Mairin's elegant dark cabinets. That kitchen is exquisite!

Ever since I found out we were relocating over 16 months ago, I've been dreaming of my new house. The kitchen had cream w/ glazed cabinets with a dark (cherry or black) island. Hubby never did really like the idea, but since it's "my space", he grudgingly said okay. However, once we saw the look in the cabinets we'll be using (builder's supplier), I realized I didn't really like the painted finish--too glossy and plastic-looking. So, for the last 4 weeks now I've had to completely rearrange my mental image of my kitchen. It'll now be cherry, and I'm hung up on the shade of the stain and can't pull the plug and place the order. It's just sooooo hard to change horses right now. I hope this is our last house, but if it's not, the next one dang-well better have my dream cabinets in it :-)

Good luck to you!

I'm also going with chocolate espresso cabinets in rifted white oak with shaker doors. Here's the granite I'm using -- Bianco Antico. I was conflicted between a white kitchen too but a white kitchen would set the design tone for our open floor plan and I am looking for something less traditional in the overall plan. So, the white granite and white subway tile will add the whiteness I need. Just need to figure out floor color.

I must have the oddest DH ever. He has yet to see the cabinet choice I've made and when I try to talk to him about the remodel, his eyes glaze over in 3 mins. He's had a stray opinion here or there when pushed. You could try on your husband what mine tried on me: said he wanted chickens and I said "No!" Then he said he wanted pigs and I said "You can have chickens!" :)

I would also love a white kitchen. But DH is not going to allow that. It would really brighten up our kitchen area too. As it is now, we are probably going to be adding 2 windows to one side of the house to allow light in the kitchen. But DH's answer is natural maple cabinets...so basically a light wood. I like maple, but we already have oak floors and an very open floor plan. I would really like to have white cabinets, but DH "HATES" white, and if I bring it up he makes comments about how dirty they will get (we have 2 young kids, 2 dogs, 2 cats)...so maybe he is right, but I would still like white cabs.

My new idea, if he will not compromise on white cabs, is to get granite counters. He will want engineered stone, like Cambria, which we had in our last house. But I would like to look at some granite this time around. He really should be open to that since he is choosing the cabinets. SO i feel like i have a good shot.

Have you asked hubby to show you pictures of kitchens he likes? Or can you present him with options and see what he picks then pick apart the elements of the kitchen that are not color related--maybe sleek slab front doors and cool lift up modern cabinets are what really appeals to him more than color? Would white cabinets with some stainless glass cabinets mixed in seem more masculine to him? In other words, can you move toward the modern/contemporary look that he loves in the overall style of the room to get the color you want?

Can you make a design board of choices that don't include the color...type of door front, type of backsplash tile, type of flooring, type of faucet... etc.? Help him visualize how the whole thing will not be "girly" looking regardless of the colors chosen.

Normally, I'm a pretty die-hard "get what you want" person but in this case, you have a man who does most of the cooking AND he enjoys it and is good at it. A lot of women would kill for that. Be grateful! There's got to be a compromise available.

I guess this is a common quandary! My husband didn't care for white but wasn't adamantly against them until they were going to be 20% more $$$ (that sealed the deal). We compromised on a stained maple which I have come to really love (it is somewhat like a natural cherry color). I don't regret the white cabs any more now that I've realized they would have been a pain to keep looking good - I have 4 & 6 year old boys and their sticky hands get everywhere - it isn't as noticeable on the wood but would be pretty bad on white (and I'm not a great housekeeper so I'm not always up on this stuff). Just my .02

I have a sneaky suspicion that I'm too late to even make any suggestions. You sound like you have tried so hard, and he is just very stubborn. But let me tell you my experience anyway. Exactly 1 year ago, we went on a Kitchen Tour, and had no plans on renovating our kitchen at that time. My dh was one of those, "it's a sin to paint wood" kind of guys...BUT then he saw 25 gorgeous updated and modern kitchens, a lot with painted cabinets. At that point he realized that times are a changin'...we came home gave one look (ok, maybe more than one) and decided that we had a very ugly kitchen. Something needed to be done. Being that this was sort of a "surprise" renovation, not one we were really planning for, we decided painting those cabinets would be best. We went back and forth about painting dark or white. We saw lots of white kitchens we loved (yep, even Mr. Keep'emStained liked them). After sitting and staring at the kitchen (literally)and imagining each look (sort of like Powerpoint in the brain) I finally decided white because I didn't want to be surrounded by dark cabinets, we don't have that much light in the room. Plus, I love love love to use dark colors (as you may know) on my walls and the dark cabinets would have limited me.

I'm sorry he feels that white cabinets are too feminine, but you don't want to end up with a masculine kitchen either. So keep that in mind when picking out your fixtures. It is Spring, there are kitchen tours going on all over the place (the infamous one from last year is repeating itself this weekend in the Wilmington, DE area). Can you get him to see real white kitchens? Not showroom ones, not magazine or FKB photos? Perhaps if he could see a Manly-man's white kitchen you can win him over.

And just one more thought...is this your Forever House? If not, then keep an open mind and plan for the future....hahah

Several people have mentioned that whoever does most of the cooking should get to pick. Pugrolls then admitted that her husband does most of the cooking. I hate to be a noodge, but that means he gets, at the very least, a strong "say" in this decision. Find a compromise you can live with, and make some other room your exclusive design haven.

ideas

1. Bleached wood looks great to both male and female pairs of eyes, in my experience. Males see the wood grain and the surface whiteness. Females see the surface whiteness and the wood grain too. Everyone gets to see the part they like best, and the other part too as an extra. It is hard to get bleached wood since the bleaching is a dangerous process. (Part A, Part B are caustic and acid). Doing it yourself is easy is you have old clothes you can ruin. Outdoors.

2. Ikea manages to get around this male-female problem very well. Show your man Ikea photos. Tell him it's either maple or a wood similar to maple like beech or ash.

pugrolls...I too wanted a white kitchen, but something didn't feel quite right about it. My husband was "letting" me make the call, but a week before we were to order the cabinets, I changed my mind and said I thought we should go with a very dark brownish black stain instead. (Peppercorn Kraftmaid Cherry to be exact) He was thrilled, and I also felt in my gut that it was right. I am keeping it light by choosing Delicatus White granite and a creamy white backsplash. I still love looking at white kitchens, but I also have seen some beautiful dark ones (Mairin's, and another one posted as $1400 kitchen can't remember the username), and it makes me happy about my decision. I'm looking forward to seeing what you choose!! My remodel starts next week! Good Luck!

I also feel whoever does most of the cooking should have more clout on kitchen design decisions but not all of the decisions.

Kitchenaddict, please post WIP and finished kitchen pictures since your cabinet color sounds gorgeous. My neighbors did very dark cherry cabinets that are stunning with beautiful black counters and light tile floors and a light marble looking backsplash that is gorgeous with the stainless steal appliances. But their kitchen is small like mine and I am thinking if I don't go with white cabinets, that I want cherry cabinets but with lighter counters to keep my kitchen not too dark. I love Delicatus white granite counters with creamy white backsplashes and cherry cabinets but I like a little more red on my cabinets.

I guess I am so tired of my oak laminate kitchen cabinets but until I get prices, I am not sure what my budget can afford.

lynn makes a good point about the person who uses the kitchen the most being the person who should have some clout. My DH loves to cook so I am glad that he is happy about the dark cabinets.

lynn- I will post pictures but I don't expect they will be up until middle of May or even later, because the first part of the remodel is a room extension. As far as pricing goes, I will put it out there to you that my cabinets are costing about 10K. Ordered them through Home Depot. And my kitchen is average size. Thanks for your interest and I hope my kitchen turns out as nice as you say your neighbors did!

Thanks everyone for your kind words, thoughts, and suggested compromises. In reading everyone's thoughts, I guess it's true that a decision has been made: DH does most of the cooking, so DH shouldn't have to cook in a kitchen he "HATES." We're both reasonably happy with the espresso cabinets, so I guess espresso cabinets it is. This was mostly a venting post for me, I suppose, because I drool all over the computer screen when I see all the beautiful white kitchens on here. Redroze and beekeeperswife -- I'm specifically looking at you, among others! :)

Good suggestions on how to avoid a dark kitchen on here too. If we go with the espresso cabinets, I have seemed to convince DH that we need a light countertop and backsplash to avoid the dreaded "cave kitchen." Another part of my plan is to replace the old sliding glass door with a french door painted white, and add thick white trim around all the windows in the dining area (the kitchen is open to the dining area/family room).

well call me crazy, but i DON'T want a white kitchen...

don't get me wrong, i have seen absolutely gorgeous white kitchens that work beautifully in their setting, but in my case, the color selection of my cabinetry had to correlate with my wood flooring (which is a medium toned white oak) the white cabinet doors i selected just looked extremely 'bland' with my flooring, and the reddish/cinnamon cherry cabinets brought out the warmth and redness of the flooring tones....once i saw the samples positioned next to my flooring, it was a no brainer....

white kitchens can be beautifully done and timeless, yet i think the same attitude was prevalent when 'medium oak' cabinets were all the rage (back in the 80s)

long story short, go with the color that works the best with your overall color scheme in your home

What color rock? Good questions. The bianco antico is SO gorgeous. But, we have a lot of natural light- 2 of the four walls are windows.

I was looking at Chocolate Beaches- but only if it has a lot of variation.

THere some good browns on this link- one of my favorite slab yards. The kids have to wear orange vests so they feel very important.

http://www.daltilestone.com/slabyardinventory.cfm?stnc=29&sc=1