So what's the problem? He's moving. Just ignore the key. What does he expect you to do with it, anyway? If he asks, just say that you lost it.

And if I may say so, it is not your job to see the guy thru AA and tell him what to do. Let him find a real sponsor.

You are expecting gratitude. You've done all this stuff for him, shepherded him to meetings - and on and on. He has no gratitude because...

HE'S NOT THERE YET!

Quit. Stop. Don't live with him anymore. Be glad he's moving out. Eventually he may (or may not EVER) get to the point where he sees what you want him to see.

You have done what you can to encourage the process. But if you stay invested now, you are in it only for the ego-boosting, as in "I've done so much! Why doesn't he see??"

Yeah, pretty much everyone with an addict in their lives feels that.

Make sure he leaves, and stop making him the victim-to-be-rescued in your life. Your life has more value than that.

MODERATOR: Can you please delete this thread. Thank you.

Sweetie some people will never admit they are wrong or done anything wrong, this sounds like one of those people. It won't matter if you confront him face to face or mail him a letter with the key, you'll be wrong and he's right, in his mind. You and your other roommate count your blessings he's moving and don't give him another thought. You don't need negative people in your life. You've done what you can for this guy, so put him out of your life and mind and go have a good life.

Don't write him a letter. Don't mail his key back to him unless he asks for it. Just let yourself be finished with him.

What Sushipup said and everyone said. He is not your problem to fix nor does he own you anything. Let him go. Move on.

Steppy, count your blessings. He is about to be out of your life.

Loose the key. :)

Moni

PS, the moderator does not read posts. If you want it to be removed, email Tamara. You can do this under "contact us" at the bottom of the page.

Why in the world would you want the post deleted? If you ask for advice, be prepared to take advice.

I would not attempt to confront him in any way, I would just count my blessings that he was gone and just "lose" the key. Problem solved.

I wouldn't mail the key unless it's to a PO box. If someone got that letter they'd have the key and the address and could get in. Stick the key in his suitcase and write him that in a note.

Life's too short to keep toxic people in our lives.

Why do anthing? Just wave goodbye when he moves, and just don't use the key. If he asks why, just say you don't care to. Don't lie and say you lost it; he'll just give you another one.

Forget the drama of a letter; you don't owe him anything. (Just curious - why do you want this thread removed?)

I would just stick the key in a drawer, and never plan to visit. He will get involved in his new life at his new place and find new people to bother ;).

I would think he gave you the key for emergencies, anyway, and not for daily visits.

Dances.

Return the key to him on his last day there with you. Don't lie about losing it. That puts you in the same mindset as he, that is being untruthful, and not admitting fault. If you keep the key, he can, and might, get "robbed" and guess who has a a key? You.

Be happy that he is moving; then try to get your own needy
self under control.

Sue

Ditto what sue va said!

I'm thinking along Sue's lines. One way or another return the key.

I suppose it doesn't matter, key's are easily copied but at least you tried.

So what do you owe him to make you feel so strongly about maintaining this relationship? If nothing, then wish him the best, walk away and have yourself a nice life. No drama.

I hope he leaves soon! Then, like sue,va said.....be careful of having that sort of person in your life; there is more than one 'lesson' here.

I think if you mail the key with a big letter, even though you think you're ending things, it's still keeping it going. What if he starts calling, txting, whatever and wants to know why you feel that way, can we get together and work it out, etc.

I'd also make sure I had his key back. Better yet, change your locks.

I think, if you really, truly want him out of your life, you hand him his key, wish him luck and say goodbye Tell him to take your cell number out of his phone. and tell him you removed and blocked his number in your phone. And actually do it. That pretty much makes it clear you want no more contact of any kind.

Then you have to move on also.

Change the locks on your home and if you decide something was said you did not like, accept, by others or by yourself, go to the bottome of page to contact us and have the posting removed. Just posting it here will not work. You have your reasons. Just wishing you the best.

He's leaving.

Give him the key before he goes.

No need to make a fuss.

No need to follow him, either, when you not only lack enthusiasm for doing so, but find him a pain in the butt.

Who likes subsequently to self-administer a continuing pain in the butt?.

Enjoy your life.

ole joyful

"He's now working on his fourth step,the self-inventory, and I told him he really needed to work on his humility and learn to admit his mistakes and apologize for them.

Who is working his program? Him, or you? Sounds like he's going to be stuck on the fourth step for a while.

And just because he is not physically drinking now doesn't mean his thinking or personality suddenly improves.

Sounds like his moving is the best thing for both of you. I really like Katlan's paragraph about giving back the key and erasing each others phone #'s, but fear that would lead to more drama. I'm sure you can find a way to place it somewhere in his belongings and have a short note on its whereabouts (nothing else) waiting for him in the mail when he gets there. And then enjoy your freedom.