I am planning on using reclaimed wood instead of butcher block... More green and also more interesting. However, we were also planning on using soapstone so you "simmering with rage" comment got me nervous. Please tell more.

The soapstone we chose was middle of the road in terms of hardness and I thought that would be OK with our three kids. However, it seems that anything will mark it. If one of the kids moves a spoon along it, it marks. If they drop something on it, it marks. If they (God forbid!) write on paper with a pen on the soapstone, it will mark. My DH was anti-soapstone, for that very reason, but I was in love with the way it looked. It is black (when oiled) with minimal white veining. Just gorgeous. He grudgingly agrees that it is lovely to look at. The oil does get rid of the surface marks, but anything more than a mm in depth has to be camouflaged with a sharpie. In retrospect, I should have gone granite or quartz, despite the fact that I didn't want the shine! I still love how it looks, but people who get soapstone have to be prepared that their counter simply won't be pristine. I don't think I'm that strong! Love the idea of reclaimed butcher block, though. Totally looking into that here in Ottawa.

Granite can have different degrees of honing to reduce the reflections although it mutes the colors which is why granite is usually polished.

Imitation professional equipment has always looked a bit pretentious to me. I have a real butcher's table in my kitchen from a old butcher's shop that was fire damaged (had to turn the top over). When I design a wood top for an island (no sink allowed) I always use face grain maple boards and finish it with a good hard clear finish of which there are many to chose from.

This is DH speaking. Thanks for the comments to my DW's questions. Beautiful, kitchen, this is a similar look to what we are planning for our cottage, white breadboard cottage look, dark counters and a lighter island. Your comment on "no sink allowed"; is that in reference to having the risk of water seepage from the tap/sink into the counter and messing it up (warping, root etc)?
It almost is erased from my memory however when we first purchased our cottage it had a butcher block counter that had significant rot around the sink area (which the seller conveniently hid under a disk drying rack). The first thing we did was replace the counters with "granite transformations" engineered stone venire.
I almost forgot about the rot issue, certainly will add to the "pro" side of my pursuit of a stone (presently looking at granite) counter top.

Yes, wood surfaces cannot withstand constant water exposure for very long but I don't like any kind of obstruction or the stuff that collects around sinks on an island counter. It should be like a high table clean clear and ready for use. The clutter belongs on the wall counters next to the appliances and sinks.

I don't even like hanging lights over a counter. If they are low you have to bob and weave to talk to someone and if they are high they are in your eyes. I use halogen low-voltage pin-hole spots that are virtually invisible.

I've had butcher block islands (and granite counters) in three houses over the last 20 years (the most recent is all curly maple and it rocks!) I finish with 100% pure tung oil (not to be confused with the myriad "tung oil finishes" out there. I apply a new coat of oil about once a year. Every 5-6 years when they get too stained and worn looking I re-plane the top (Stanley #6 jointer plane) and re-finish. We use them hard (though don't cut directly on them), and never expect them to look pristine -- kitchen counters are work benches, not furniture. I think they make a great work surface that looks good.

IMO pure tung oil dries too slowly and does not provide as much protection as a tung oil based wiping varnish. My fabricator uses the older version of Waterlox Original Tung Oil finish. He uses 5 to 7 coats on each side and recommends reapplying it every year.

I have a similar dilemma. Building a cottage and can't decide what's best for countertops. I had thought about soapstone and white beadboard on the large island. I don't think I'd mind scratches and I need an island upon which pans out of the oven can be placed.

For the perimeter I have been considering medium grey cabinets below and white open shelving above. For the countertop what do you think of a light grey and white granite?