First off, you are very nice to be polite to the Loud mom. It is a shame that some people do not have the skills to behave in a social situation. Although what could be interpreted as mean-spirited, maybe you should start avoiding her as well. You have the right to be able to enjoy watching your neice play. You have already asked her not to stand behind you and yell. Is it only that she yells loud during the game, or does she talk loud all the time. Maybe a hearing loss?
I like that your sister talked to the assistant coach. Coahes want the team to win, sometimes even more than the kids do! They are not the end all in making a correct decison. If they are not being fair, I see nothing wrong in politely pointing it out in a constructive way.

It sounds like "loud mom" did at least try to accommodate your request to keep it down, so at least she wasn't being a jerk about it. I'm guessing if everyone walks away and leaves her by herself at every game, she might get the hint. I understand you not wanting to hurt her feelings, so in that case if you can tolerate her loudness for a few minutes then do so and then head over to sit with the others. Doesn't sound like she is one to contain her enthusiasm for too long.

You mentioned talking to the assistant coach, what about the head coach? Could be assistant is just doing what he's told. I'm glad your sister spoke up. My son had a coach that refused to rotate the kids, so needless to say my son did not grow as a player and it was a wasted year for everyone on the team.

I bet the mom has a hearing issue.

I would also talk to the main coach. I'd also point out to your niece that she is there because she is good. She plays in that position because the team needs her there.

Step away from the loud woman. She's clearly interfering with others' enjoyment of watching their kids.

Think of it this way: What if you were sitting in a movie theater, and there were some people in the row behind you who were doing things that were distracting you from watching and enjoying the movie? Like chatting with each other about the jokes too loudly, or sneezing and coughing nearly constantly? Wouldn't you just try to look for another seat? Sure they're strangers, and the woman at the game is someone you've made eye contact with and have probably said hello to, but where does feeling sorry for her and staying in earshot of her boisterousness get you? A brownie point for nice manners but meanwhile you're still irritated by her volume.

As for the positions your niece is playing, it sounds like she has real skill in playing goalie, and that's a position that might very well be the toughest to play. She has to anticipate the action and act quickly (I'll add that one of the flip sides is that goalies can end up really bruised!). She should be proud that she's developed some skills that others haven't.

Why does she hate playing goalie? Are all the kids just focused on being the one who scores the winning goal?

And I gotta add: For a tournament, I'd put the players in the positions I think they are best at. Rotating them just so everybody gets a chance at every position is fine in the season's first few games, but don't they want to actually win the tournament?

(Yeah, I know ... It's not whether you win or lose... But there's also "No 'i' in team"!)

Yes, we've told the main coach, and he's good about not forcing her to play more than her share.

She hates playing goalie mostly because she can't run, but also because she has a tough time staying focused. (Terrible ADHD!) She's so fast and loves running, and it's no fun for her to be stuck in the goal box.

But whatever the reason she doesn't like it, she doesn't. If she were forced to play goalie too much, she'd quit playing soccer, because it wouldn't be fun anymore.

I agree with you, Pammyfay, about putting players where they're best. But I look at my niece, who loves to play forward and is just as good at playing forward as the girls who play only forward (by the coaches' estimation, not mine), but because she's also good at defense and goalie, she doesn't get as much play time in the forward positions. Which means she doesn't get to develop those skills as much, even though she's terrific at it.

We're hoping she ends up as a midfielder, with pieces of both forward and defense. (They don't have that position at her age.)

1. Loud Mom. Just move away. Eventually she'll notice that no parents want to be next to her and hopefully pipe down.
2. Your niece. Relax, it's only a game. The point is to have fun, learn the rules, play for the team (not fpr personal glory) and not to win-win-win. I would not speak to the coach or your niece or her parents, but if your niece asks, tell her she should play goalie sometimes, no one likes mostly just standing there, but it's a necessary position and part of the team.

This is why I no longer coach kids' soccer. Every parent wants what they think is best for their child. Maybe the parents of your niece should coach the team???

How do you cheer quietly??

Those last 2 comments cracked me up. Exactly!

At this age group, the league charter specifically states that it's about individual player development. The idea is for each player to get to play all of the positions. And if the coach were doing that, we'd have no issue.

Although I wouldn't have said anything, after thinking it through and listening to what people here have said, I'm glad my sister did speak up.

I dunno, I think if someone is too loud for you at a sports game, it's your responsibility to move, not theirs. I don't think it's at all like a movie theater where it's both common courtesy and within the rules to be quiet. I think it was generous of her to try to be quieter but ultimately I think it's your problem, not hers. She's cheering her child on at a kid's soccer game, not watching a chess tournament in a library. If it were loud heckling or something, that's entirely different.

As for the goalie thing - I don't think anything should be said. Perhaps if they made her permanent goalie, but comparing her to other players is a little unfair as it sounds like no one likes to be goalie. And you can't expect a coach to put in a bad goalie just to be fair, because life isn't fair and sports are competitive. I used to play softball for years as a kid and I was AWFUL. I wanted nothing more than to be a pitcher but I was always stuck in right field because it took the least talent! But I respected that decision because I also wanted to win, and part of being a team is participating where you're needed, not necessarily what you want to do.

That is a very important skill that will help your niece dearly when she has to enter the real world and work for a living. When you work, you often get assigned things you don't necessarily want to do but you still have to do them if you want to keep your job. It's pointless to compare yourself to someone else because there will always be other circumstances. Going to your boss and complaining that you have to do something that someone else doesn't have to do, or saying that you don't want to work as much as they ask you to, is a good way to be let go. I realize it's a kid's game but it's never too early to learn how to cope with situations like that because life seldom goes the way you want.

I am looking at this from a coach's view. I coached for many years and it is not an easy job. In so many ways you are damned if you don't and damned if you do. First, you can not make every parent happy. No matter what they will never like the position that you play your child. Second, if you don't win games then they aren't happy either. Remember it takes a whole team to win games. Let the coach do his job. Talk to your daughter about being a team player. She will be on many teams ahead. The sooner she learns her position is not always going to be the one she wants the better she will be. Don't talk to the coach about it.. Encourage your daughter to do her best wherever she plays..

wish you had posted how old your niece is...i'm so conflicted with how soccer ISN'T taught anymore...as for your niece, she's worth her weight in gold if she can play goalie! i do understand your point with focus issues...

coaches do love their goalies and yes, the object of the game is to win...

as for the mom, remind her that the ref can red card and send an offending parent off the field! it's happened more than once...

My niece is 10 years old.

I think my sister would have felt better if the coach had tried *everyone* at goalie and then rotated the people who were best. Several of the girls have never had to play goalie, even at practice, so we don't know what they can do.

My niece is definitely a team player. She'll do whatever they ask of her, and will volunteer to play goalie from time to time, since no one likes it. But she notices that several of the other girls won't volunteer and the coach doesn't assign them to play at practices, and then, since they've never played goalie, the coach doesn't include them in the rotation. I see them as the non-team-players, not my niece.

As I said, I wouldn't have said anything, because I think the coaches have a tough job as it is. But I definitely see my sister's point.

I didn't get that all the girls weren't rotated during practices. (Maybe they told the coach that they've never played goalie and the coach let it drop?)

That's not a good thing, so I will amend my opinion!

I think that if I were your sister, I wouldn't continue to make my case for fairness by saying your niece hates playing goalie, but that fairness and learning (at least during practice and up to -- maybe -- the first half of the season! before tourneys!) comes through making everybody rotate through all the positions, as she made in her 2nd argument. Only then can the coaches truly see where each girls' strengths are. I have a feeling that the asst coach stopped listening to your sister when she basically asked him why he keeps "picking on" your niece.

The coaches' method of asking for volunteers for positions isn't a very good one, I don't think. Maybe your sister should shift her tactic and ask the coaches why they are not pushing all the girls to stretch their comfort zones.

(And, yes, I admit that playing goalie and having ADHD would not be a great combination!)

that's the age group my dgds are in...i just can't stand the water down version of soccer they have now...coaches don't have the "strenth" these days...

I feel compelled to post again. You did say that this is a tournament. This is not a regular season game. During the regular season I think it is a good idea to learn to play the game, work on skills, rotate positions, etc.. But tournament play is different. There are fees to be paid, many times travelling is involved, several games are played in one weekend and it requires more of a commitment from the parents and family. Tournament play is a time to play your best game. The coaches and parents want to win and the girls want the trophy. You put your best team on the field.