I am sorry to read this post. My heart goes out to all of you at this time. No one likes to see a child in pain, unfortunately it's a part of life. My husband was married before and lost his wife because she was not really into marriage. It was her loss and my gain. I pray for your family to get through this. I pray for your grandchildren as well. In time I also pray your son may find someone special when he is ready. I like to believe in the future and better days ahead. Please let your son know we are with him right now and that all of you are in our heart.

Peggy

I'm so sorry. It's just heartbreaking for your DS but even more for the kids. She is just ripping their lives apart because she thinks she sees a better deal. Too bad someone cannot talk some sense into her because the children are the ones who will be most damaged by this.

My heart aches for you. Your son is lucky to have a good relationship with you because he needs a good listener.

Hello jkayd il5,

How true it is ... that when our loved ones hurt ... we hurt.

Even more so when we know that there's almost nothing that we can do to make things right, to give the toddler a kiss and "fix it". Or even alleviate the other person's suffering, to an appreciable extent.

We want to do something, not be a bystander ... watching a train-wreck taking place.

How unfortunate that we've come to believe that we should live in the now, that what's past is of little value, it's gone. Instant gratification.

If you want something ... get it. Worry about the price later.

Sometimes our sense of obligation, to fulfill a commitment, of continuing loyalty to loved ones, gets shoved into the back seat (if not thrown out of the car).

Only something less than half of marriages persist, in recent years.

And a good deal of heartache accompanies those experiences.

(((((jkayd il5, son and families)))))

ole joyful

You are all in my prayers that whatever it takes to make everyone happy and able to move on to a better situation happens quickly.

This is sad. It's hard to hear stories like this. Remember there a few other sides to the story too. You probably don't really know her perspective on their marriage. I believe in honoring you commitments, but on the other hand you get one life. If you aren't happy, fix it.
I feel for the kids mostly. It will take them a LONG time to understand the why's.
I'm sure the blessing in this will reveal itself in due time.

((((Hugs)))) To you, your son, and Gkids. It will get much harder before it gets better. But it WILL get better

I am so, so sorry. I am going through a divorce now because my husband chose to have an affair and leave me. What I want to say to you is to be there for your son. (sounds like you are since he called you about this) I don't know what I would have done the last year without my parents. They have been there to listen, have cried with me and just loved me. It has meant the world to me.

I am glad your son has you. He (and his kids) are going to need you.

I'm so sorry for the pain your son is going through and the pain it is causing you. The pain you feel when your child hurts is magnified many times. Thankfully he has you to talk to. My heart goes out to him and the kids. I hope eventually he can find happiness for himself.

Linda

I don't know if this might be the case, but it has been my experience with two divorces under my belt that if a couple keeps God as the head of the family, that it is far less likely to dissolve. My first two marriages did not have God as head of the family. And both marriages failed. My present marriage does keep God as head of our family and has for most of the 35 year duration of our marriage. So far that has worked for us. I am not saying that it is why these other marriages are failing, but it is worth consideration.

This is my experience... and whether or not a divorce is desired, it still is a very difficult thing to go through, so be there for each other, no matter what.

PVP

Make sure the kids get counseling and make sure they understand it is NOT their fault. Have your son talk to the school, quietly, because the teachers and principal need to know there is a upsetting family condition. I know it happens all the time, but later if there is a divorce, the kids will act up and if the school is aware of the situation, they should be more understanding and work with the kids and not against.
My friends who are teachers here, say this is so important if they are aware of a difficult home condition.

I'm sorry for your son. I hope he finds someone who will make him very happy...And the hurting he is going through right now will not last long.

My cousin Ken was married 35 years and his wife decided he wasn't good enough (as if she was something special) She left him. Nearly killed him...He really cared for her.

He met another woman (not nearly as pretty) but she treats him like he is a king. She sold her home and bought a farm. Something he always wanted...but wife #1 would never "stoop to being a farm wife"...Now he is soooo happy.

When one door is closed...maybe a bigger and better one is ready to open.

patti

Well said, Patti. This may be the beginning of his life turning around. Help him weather the storm. Years from now, he may look upon this time and know it was the first step in bringing happiness into his life with someone else. I sure hope so.

I often remind myself that many of my unhappy experiences were just good luck in disguise. I was forced to take another path, which only years later I realize turned out so much better than the path I had been on.

I'm sorry for the pain you are all feeling.
I've been in your shoes. DD's first husband carried on an affair also and then denied it, even after being caught by his GF's hubby! Counseling didn't help because he still wasn't truthful. DD went thru hell too....it WILL be ok someday is the only thing I can tell you. But first is a whole lot of heartache.

Just be there to listen. Don't offer advice, unless asked though is what we did.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. PVP, I totally agree with you. My next concern, my granddaughter is a smart, sweet, gentle little girl and I am sure this will really be hard on her. They aren't going to tell her until school is out. One thing that both my DH and I thought about over night is that we were told earlier that they decided she is old enough to stay home alone all summer. She is a mature eleven year old but even so I was concerned about this anyway. Now if she is told about the divorce and is home alone for several hours this will be double stress for her. We had already decided to get her a couple different weeks this summer and she will probably spend some time with her other grandparents but we both live about two hours away in different directions. What do you think?

Judy

Patti, I completely agree with you. My divorce nearly killed me. Heck, I met my first husband in THIRD GRADE and I'd never heard of anyone meeting their spouse so early in life and THEN ending up in divorce court. Most of those stories end with, "and they lived happily ever after".

But my second marriage is heavenly. He's a good man with no bad habits. He's cute and kind and thoughtful and honest.

As someone said, "God doesn't close one door without opening another door...but the hallways are a 8itch!!!!

Rose

I'm so sorry the family is going through this. It's going to be a bumpy road for everyone. I don't think an eleven year old should be left at home ALL summer divorce or no divorce. Those kids are going to need TLC.

Aww...Judy, I'm so sorry. As someone who has gone through a divorce and someone whose children have also experienced it - it's rough, I know. I now know why my DM called me everyday to make sure that I was okay! I watched my DD just grow more and more unhappy and skinnier!! (And she was the one who finally filed for divorce.) My DM said I turned from night to day after I divorced and remarried. She said she had no idea that I was as unhappy as what I was until she saw the "old me" come back and my DD was the same way. If your DS has been going through this for six months he may also feel a sense of relief when it is all over for him. Sleepless nights and the thought of your spouse with somebody else are rough on a person, I know.

Don't have a lot of advice except just be there for your son and grandkids. Spend a LOT of time this summer with the kids and reassure them that they are loved and that life will go on. It'll be different and it'll be hard for awhile, but they'll be okay.

It's hard to see dreams go awry for people you love, isn't it!? ((Judy and family))