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The Kitchen Table

How to stop dwelling on negative thoughts?

14 years ago

Whenever I do something wrong, and the other person is mad or disappointed at me, I dwell on it all day. I feel like I have to keep ruminating over it so I'm "punished" enough, or until the negative thoughts purge.

Do any of you go through this, and how do you handle it?

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Comments (12)

ruthieg__tx
14 years ago
I think most everyone does to some extent if they value the feelings of the other person. It's just something that happens whether we like it or not...
marilyn_c
14 years ago
Believe it or not....I pray. This is more to rid myself of negative images in my mind. For example, I saw a picture on FB concerning horse slaughter in Mexico. I clicked out of there quickly but I couldn't get the image out of my mind. I am not a religious person and I hardly ever pray to ask for something for myself. I do pray often to say thank you...sometimes for the littlest of things. I also will say a prayer for someone else, especially someone sick.

I said a prayer and asked that my mind be soothed and I could get past that. Almost immediately I felt a sense of peace.

As for what you are talking about...people being mad or disappointed in me...I don't have too much trouble with that, but when I do, if I can't rectify it in some way in a person to person fashion, then I try to busy myself with something else to get it off my mind.
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kayjones
14 years ago
I know you didn't necessarily want this answer, but here it is:

I think that's a normal reaction. Your feelings have been hurt. I do the same thing - yes, it's annoying at times, but there's not a lot one can do about it.

Here is a wonderful site that describes Neurotransmitters and how they affect your emotional response to stress, including other information about Neurotransmitters and how they work.

Here is a link that might be useful: Neurotransmitters and your emotions
emagineer
14 years ago
I passed this info read to a psychologist and she said it was true. For every positive thought you have there are 4 negative thoughts to deal with. The brain hangs on to the negative as long as you let them continue. Using the positive thought as many times as you can replaces the weight of the negatives. A positive thought can be as simple as a beautiful flower seen, a friendly gesture remembered from another, something you were happy about, etc.

I do the same as you, changing the process is difficult, but am trying. You and I have learned this from a defense posture which doesn't work well. Others who do not have our challenge just use their brains differently. It is automatic for them to go to the positives.
Just my take and sounded logical to me. Will be interesting how others respond. BTW, article I read was about the internet and how we respond to various hi tech environments with strangers.
cheerful1_gw
Original Author
14 years ago
I used to be a very positive person; as I got older, the negativity started creeping in. I don't know if there was a trigger, or just a gradual thing.

It's amazing that the brain holds on to the negative as long as it does.
dedtired
14 years ago
Ha. I just blame the other person in my mind. I decide they are unfair and meanies and I am perfect. LOL.

You know, it could be true!

I do have a terrible habit of "playing bad tapes" over and over in my mind. (Should change that to"bad dvds") I let things fester to the boiling point. I envy people who are happy and positive by nature, and tend to see the bright side of things.
joyfulguy
14 years ago
If you've been at fault, acknowledge it, ask to be forgiven, then do what you can to try to repair the problem.

Dad used to say: "You mess up - you fix it/make it right!".

That done - can you go on to other things?

Make some plans, especialy related to attractive, uplifting or joyful issues, if you can.

Stewing long-term in vinegar ... gets one pickled.

ole joyful
oldgardener_2009
14 years ago
When I catch myself having negative thoughts over and over, I make myself think about something pleasant. I have a couple "pleasant" thoughts in place that I try to jump to in order to stop the negative thoughts.

If that doesn't work, peaceful music usually will do the trick.

I figure there are enough negative things in life, no need to think about them over and over and over. Get them done with, move on, think about something pleasant instead.
sheilajoyce_gw
14 years ago
It helps to keep physically busy when negative thoughts pester you. Go for a walk, clean out that junk drawer, do the laundry, prune the roses.
Tally
14 years ago
Well, I usually go dig in the garden or find something redemptive I can feel good about. Maybe it's saving some withered plant at the nursery or going through my closet and finding some things I can donate to Goodwill. Putting a dollar in the cup of the guy outside the RiteAid.

Reinforce the positive in your life, and remind yourself that we try to be good people.

And that's what counts.
sjerin
14 years ago
Remember that some people are quite touchy and get angry over silly little things when there was no intent of maliciousness. If that is the case, try not to waste even a second on feeling badly!
cheerful1_gw
Original Author
14 years ago
sjerin: you are so right!

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