I'm sorry about your loss also. I felt so badly. I would have removed her if she seemed stressed but she seemed to be doing just fine. I knew I'd end up having babies one day but this is so special because, one it is my first and second because I lost mama. I'm just so full of smiles with my little fishies. On a side note, Summer (my senior dog) must like them too because she tried to take a swim with them tonight. Thank God she is okay but my knees are knocked up from the rocks and my rocks are a mess. Now I'm going to have to give her a good inspection and make sure none of them hurt her. I just noticed a bit ago that a pretty big one fell in the pond and I hope it didn't fall anywhere on her. Not a good night to start my work week on.

Congratulations!!! how great. I have no valid advice because I only have one child, but based on other family members: sometimes initial reaction might not be what you expected and it could change over time. My nephew acted rather weird when he was told that they will have another baby, he was like "you are going to do what????Huh?" almost unhappy, so they really worried, it turns out he was just in shock. But then he was very happy. My DD has 3 siblings. She loves them all, but she is the closest with her 1st brother because age difference is not as huge and they can do stuff together, she was already adult when younger two were born and there is not that much in common. In any case other people might give you better advice than me, I am just happy for you. Hurray!

See, you got it right - your love and support is the best thing for her. Two observations for you (hopefully you won't take them the wrong way - all of us who love this site for the great advice have to keep in mind that when we read these posts, we bring our own experiences and prejudices to them - I could be interjecting my own personal feelings here that really don't apply, but I just think they do because I assume you must feel the same way I do). 1. You are being way too hard on yourself - even if you COULD wave a wand and make things perfect - you shouldn't! I view my job as both a BM and SM to prepare my children for the real world - a world where they have responsibilities and obligations and a world that is not always fair or kind. I joke about my chaotic little slice of paradise because I have never had any other experience where things are so challenging but at the same time so joyous and rewarding. For example, my five year old is at that stage where I have to tell him ten times to do things, it drives me crazy! Then I went to a kindergarten meeting (my baby starts kindergarten in the fall, sniff sniff) and the teacher gave all thirty or so preschoolers an "assignment" - to practice "first time listening" all summer, that when mom and dad tell you to do it the first time, you do it. I realized then it was just a normal stage and we will get through it just like everyone else does. The other day he made his bed on his own without me telling him to do it and I nearly jumped for joy! I think as "blended family" parents we assume all our kids' problems stem from the fact that they don't have a "normal" home life - not true. I had a "normal" home life and a lot of the same issues I see on this website I remember from my own upbringing. So, IMHO, I think you are trying to compensate for the fact that dad is no longer with mom. Go easier on yourself - this is fun stuff! 2. I think you compare yourself to BM too much. Their love for her is different, and will always be different, but that doesn't mean they can't love you in a very special way and they will. It takes time. I think we women (and maybe men too Bill?) compare ourselves to other women because we are looking to learn about ourselves. There are other ways to learn about ourselves, ways that are much more productive and positive. I am guilty of it - I found myself comparing myself to my ex-husband's new girlfriend to see if I can find answers to what went wrong. She and I look a lot alike (both about 115, 5'3", long reddish-blonde hair, green eyes, very similar facial features), which is what gave me the idea of hey, it wasn't that he wasn't attracted to me anymore, it was that something was missing from our relationship. She's ten years older than me and has four kids, two of them in their early twenties. When I found this out, I was like, eureka! he wants a mother figure and that's not me, I am more of a "party-girl" then a mother figure (I relate to your kids' BM - I have a very busy work and social life. I have no qualms about taking a vacation without the kids - going on a cruise myself with hubby and a ton of friends). I think, that's the reason he cheated on me, because he wanted more of the motherly type - but then I just stop myself and say, so what? It's the past and whatever the reason he cheated on me and whoever he now chooses to have in his life, who cares. I need to just live my life. Hard to do sometimes. Be kinder to yourself! Go on a cruise or a weekend away by yourself or just do the things you like to do once in awhile. You are doing a great job with kids, just keep at it and don't worry about her. Her own relationship with her kids is her problem and she may have to face the consequences of her actions later. Like Bill said, you can't change her and so, you gotta just do what you can to make your own home paradise (chaotic, but paradise).

You have a darling little girl there! I love all those cute faces she makes. She really does look like the entertainer for the bunch. Cute pictures of a real cute girl.