Oh dear! Not sure quite what to say, but it sounds like you're being hard on yourself. Not sure that there is such a thing as perfection in a house or a kitchen, but certainly having many elements that are not only functional but also beautiful or pleasing to you, makes the process worth it in the end. Is there any way to make this process a multi-step or multi-year or evolving, such that not everything has to be done perfectly, with set decisions right away? I'm sure I'm not offering useful advice, but just wanted to sympathize.

It sounds like you need some perspective. The frantic way you appear to be approaching this kitchen remodel will most likely lead to your disappointment.

I spent 1 year looking and reading and thinking about what I wanted and could afford. I had lots of elements in my 1890 home that I decided not to part with. I also had certain appliances that I refused to do with out. It is all a trade off. There are so many variables that need to be looked into before you decide on the " perfect" plan...of which there is NONE.

It sounds to me like you need to take a deep deep breath. Relax and get some outside help from this forum , if that works for you. BUT>.....you also need to make a very good list of what is really important to you as a cook and kitchen user. Are you even the primary person that will be using this kitchen? Is this your "forever" home?

Please back off and take some time. You do have it you know...there is NOTHING that says you have to do this today...tomorrow...next week....next year. c

I am becoming more convinced that kitchen planning has similar stages of grief (or frustration, exasperation, anxiety...) as other life events. We begin with a dream, and seldom realize the dream as it was first conceived. The good news is, most of us actually end up with a kitchen that is far better than we ever hoped. There is so much expertise, wonderful ideas and generosity on GW! Try posting your space, dreams and needs. I think you will be glad you asked for help. Good Luck!

Agree with Chloe_s_mom and trailrunner. It sounds like you need a break. Focus on something else. I have been working on a simple kitchen update for months. There are always compromises. Perfection is overrated and the more you seek it, the more elusive it seems to be.

Sometimes taking a break from something will give you a fresh view when you get back to it.

Why don't you make a wish list and post a detailed layout of your space? These guys and gals here are awesome at kitchen layouts. Perhaps a few dozen sets of eyes can help steer you in a direction that you have yet to consider.

When you make your dream list, be sure to put things in order of importance. There isn't a need for a kitchen to have EVERYTHING, just the most important things to you.

whoa.

I am going through the EXACT same thing... except with my master bath. It's so hard to come up with something I love that isn't rediculously expensive or crazy labor intensive.

The internet isn't helping, either. There's just too much info out there! (eh, here?)

I think we should take a few days off and try not to be so emotional about it. Be logical and calm. Maybe write down a list of what is absolutely necessary in the space... another column of "dreams" another of "maybe". I should probably get together with a friend over a few drinks and talk it over...yep. that's my plan!

LOL-planning how to plan! :/

I am planning on just stepping away. I am not even going to even look at the computer and kitchen design software tomorrow...and maybe the next day and the next day too...

I know that there are such good people here with great ideas on what to do. I posted a workable plan yesterday, and sure enough, the talented folks here came up with a better plan - which asthetically was much more pleasing - but it's not without it's tradeoffs (sacrafice of the island and a work triangle I love), and was also strongly rejected by my hubby and friends because evidently everyone else thinks the island is as fabulous a feature as I do. But the island just isn't ideal anywhere in the whole kitchen.

So I will step away, breathe, and I think I just need to allow all the thoughts and ideas to marinate and morph and evolve as time goes by....and perhaps my desires will shift and change in this process too.

This too shall pass :-).

I had an island in my former kitchen and loved it. I was saving for my current kitchen renovation and had six years to visualize all kinds of plans in my head. I finally came to the conclusion that this kitchen is just too narrow for an island and a pantry (a closet not a cabinet). I sacrificed the island and went with an open L shaped kitchen leaving my pantry closet intact. The kitchen isn't finished yet but I believe that it will be great. My husband and I went table shopping and found that we can get a custom made table to our dimensions and will do that once the kitchen is finished. My 86 year old mother is excited by the table because counter heights are too high for her and a table will allow her to sit and work. She cooks with me every Sunday afternoon.

Take a break and take your time thinking about the space. Try to visualize it in your head and visualize moving through it as you work. Eventually it will be what you want. You will have to compromise because of space limitations, budget, etc. If you take your time the compromises will be easier to accept and won't even feel like compromises.

It looks, from your other thread, like you have a functioning kitchen so unless you HAVE to do this remodel right now, do as others have already suggested: step back. Trailrunner gives great advice. I can't tell you the number of appliance selections I've been through and now I'm living with the IDEA of what I think will come to be in my one day kitchen. I know Buehl always says to mime the actions and that should help with the island vs no island. I'm struggling with the same issue. LONG but narrow space with focally point at one end (beautiful nature setting with small lake). Well, maybe since I don't have an island now it's not the same issue.
You have a great space to work with so let the ideas come, don't force them. I've learned so much from people on this forum that I see new possiblities for my space on a regular basis now that I've stepped back. I'm making some 'easy' changes with the help of a handy man to my existing kitchen to give myself more time. Perhaps that would help you too. I'm planning and researching until fall when my oldest goes to college. I'll use the kitchen commotion to fill the void! I'm also actively saving every penny I can which DH really likes!
Step back and find the joy in this part of the process b/c it sounds like the demo and rebuild can be pretty stressful!

I found sometimes that having a drink and sleeping on it was helpful....

I like your new idea, but it may be too much to adjust to all at once. Whatever you decide, this isn't a process you can hurry through and get the perfect plan. This is the most imporatant time in your remodel and you should take your time -- stepback anytime you feel your reach a roadblock or a new breakthrough. Let it soak in, get away and let your mind clear. Something you didn't see before may be perfectly clear when you return -- or when you haven't thought about it and your mind wanders there while standing in the shower or doing something else totally unrelated.

If you are changing things, it will challenge your ways of thinking and your current habits. Even a good change may take some time to get used to and to fully consider. The first time we thought about moving our cooktop tothe far side of our island (opposite the sink), it seemed like it might be too weird and too distant. Over time, we decided that getting it out of our island was a good thing and the joists har to run the same direction to get overhead venting in either location -- and we verified they went the right way. All this took time and playing with the details around the major items.

I think it;s good to step back and good to expect to give yourself brain strain a few times more. When you do get back to it, think about the pros and cons of the table change. Think of the table as a new island -- how will it function for you in a different way? Sometimes our first reaction to something different is an automatic "No" -- give it some time for the family to contemplate the change -- and for you to sell them on the details if you are convinced.

And keep your mind open to other tweaks or major changes as you go -- it will come together, adn as long as your kitchen is functioning as is, there's no reason to plow forward or race into things until you are confident you have found the best solutions.

OH, WOW! I am feeling the same way. Then I get really upset because this is supposed to FUN! I have gone through major renovations in the past, so I know it is an exhausting process. But I've never done a kitchen - and it is so hard! Maybe because it is such an important room, and everything (cabinets, appliances, countertops, etc.) is SO expensive!

As the prior posts say, patience is very important. I keep reminding myself!!

Please know that you are not alone - I feel the exact same way you do and it seems from this forum that there are many others who have gone through this - and survived!! :)

Whew! Needssometips, I'm there with you! I've been reading this forum for a year, looking at all the BEAUTIFUL kitchen pictures, and having a sinking feeling, wondering if MY kitchen could ever look HALF as good as these!

I wanted to post my current plan, get some advice on what to do, so I downloaded a kitchen design program. Huh, I spent THREE days trying to get my current layout down to post, and I can't even work the program! I have it drawn out on paper, but, it's so amatuer compared to what I see here that I can't bring myself to post it! I want to get excited, there are times when it happens, but, if I'm running in to such simple obstacles as not being able to DRAW, what the heck will it be when it's time to actually DO???
My husband is frustrated with me, he's like "let's do it already", and I'm hesitant because I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
The only thing I've decided on are my appliances! Now, I have to work around them! I bought an oven, and this morning he informed me that he was going to modify my current oven space and install it, so I can go ahead and use it because at this pace, it will be sitting there for a year. Don't get me wrong, he's really patient, he just knows I've been dreaming of getting these pink formica counters off for 13 years and he's ready for my dream to come true.
I'm ready, but hitting a brick wall....
OK, my Friday Vent...
Thanks!

Needsometips, I hear you. Have been planning the kitchen longer than I care to remember, and it is exhausting. So, you are not in any way alone in this, as all these other posts attest to, too. I think it does come together, but usually not when there is pressure to perform, as it were. I agree with posters who say that there is no such thing as perfection, which can be hard to accept if one is pouring heart, soul and bank balance into it.

Initially, I was hard on myself for not knowing all the answers or being able to solve all the problems inherent in this whole process in double-quick time. I had to step back and take some time away, including from posting here.

I'm more patient now. And, I trust myself now. If I had more time (GC is booked, and cabinet order is about to go in), I would take it.

Finally, this forum is invaluable in terms of offering support and informed perspectives. I was just telling DH last night what a sanity saver it is.

I think carrieo hit the nail on the head about a kitchen reno being more stressful because each component is so expensive. I, too, am a pretty seasoned remodeler and I just went through what you are describing this winter. I felt like it would never be right, and it seemed so depressing to be spending so much money on something so half-a**ed.

I don't really have any great advice except to say, "hang in there." Last Sunday, all of a sudden, everything started falling into place for me, and now I'm about to order my cabinets.

I also want to say that you should post your plans here. It is unbelievably helpful to have fresh eyes look at your plan and make suggestions. Thanks to the ideas of so many people on this forum, expecially laxsupermom, holligator, rhome410, beuhl and so many others, we are really excited about our new layout. And it is so far from the original ideas we had, I never would have gotten here on my own.

Best wishes!
Stacey

You guys are all a big help. I haven't even peeked at kitchen design today. I feel a lot better :-).

Susied, a couple months ago when this process began for me, I installed the free 7 day trial for SmartDraw. I don't know if that is the one you downloaded, but if not, you might want to give it a whirl. I found it very easy to use for what it is - which is very basic and limited, but a good starting place for envisioning cabinet runs and the like.

Staceyneil, I think you and carrieo are absolutely right. If this was a $5K deal, it wouldn't be even 1/2 as stressful. If it wasn't working, we'd just change it again in a few years! Over $20K is a whole nother story! Other expensive purchases like this have recourse - for instance you can sell a car if it's not working out - but a kitchen has to be right the first time, cause the only recourse is doing it all over again! And it's not just the money, the emotional and lifestyle investment tied to a kitchen is huge! I just keep imagining guests coming over and asking myself, "will they cluster around the table the way they cluster around the island"? Does a table have the "draw" that an island magically and inheritantly seems to have?

I feel like I have came to realize that these answers can't be rushed. Nothing about this process can be rushed or it'll just lead to melt down.

I think I had unrealistic expectations. I thought the process would go like this: spend 3 or 4 months thinking over what's important to you and what you like, be playing with sketches during that time, go "window shopping" when you have the time and inclination, start looking into quotes to factor in the $$ piece. Then once you've whittled down a fairly clear pic in your mind of what you want, get serious with sketching it out with decent software, get all the final elements into the perfect plan, pick the cabinet maker, get written contracts, and then begin construction.

I got all the way to the getting all the elements into the perfect plan only to realize the perfect plan didn't exist - in every single design, something had to give, even after drawing up about 5 designs and posting the "best" one here for feedback - only to realize the "best" one wasn't even really the "best" one!!!

You guys are right - I have a working kitchen that PLENTY of families in America would love to have. So I guess it was time for an expectation readjustment, and allowing myself TIME and more time is the new expectation!

I had to laugh at mommy2taylor's advice. I woke up this morning, wondering what on earth was between DH and I - it was a colour chart for grout - hahahaha!

I keep telling myself to pace myself, and enjoy the journey. Then I wonder who on earth came up with such silly advice.

Hang in there. Though before action will pay off.

I was there. We also ended up losing a lot of money with a bad cabinet saga earlier on in our project. It was very discouraging and very exhausted. I felt defeated before I even started. Then I kept getting the feeling "We are spending all this money to have something that I might be disappointed with". I'd lose sleep over that last thought.

I have to say, though, we are so, so happy with how everything is coming together. My husband just sat and stared at our kitchen the other night for over an hour.

needsometips, I was worse than you. I thought a few days to figure out what the layout would be, call the cabinet guy and it's done. Then I came here and realized I'll need a plumber and an electrician, and I'm not even moving the sink or the cooktop!
I already have a cabinet guy working on an elevation drawing for me, which I know I'll change.
I am having the same difficulty - every way I turn something has to be compromised. I'm thinking like you - many families would love to have my kitchen....

I'm exhausted and we've barely even started! I know the planning stage is the most important, so I've been sponging up all the wise advice on this forum.

My problem is that I have this ingrain necessity, which apparently a LOT of other people here do too, to know the in's and out's and precisely why's of every little thing I'm putting in the kitchen. If I didn't care so much this would be SOOOO much easier! TKO'd. I can't wait until I'm sitting in my new, beautiful kitchen admiring all the work I've done (you know, if it turns out as I expect and I'm not crying over faucet finishes - it might happen :)

Hang in there, as I move on in the process I'm realizing compromises are necessary all over the place, but with creative thinking they can turn out to your benefit in the end.

It's not a bad thing to work through every possible option before deciding on a layout that will work for you. We did the same thing and are still tweaking final placements of things even as we are building.

What makes the process unpleasant is setting an unrealistic timeframe. Does it really matter if it takes 12 months come up with a final design ? What will happen ? I am pretty sure that everything that is on the market right now will be available then, even more things will be for sale.

Don't push yourself and don't decide that it has to happen by a certain date.

After trying every possible and not so possible combination, we kept coming back to one general scheme over and over again, so then we started concentrating on making that work. Now we're pretty well there, but it's been well over a year. We're confident moving forward because we know that we have exhausted every possibility. It was necessary for us to deal with the angst and frustration - we can proceed knowing there is no better way...

So take a deep breath - relax and just keep going. Look at your kitchen now, keep what you like and change the rest.

Maybe deep down inside what you really want to do is rebuild what you have to make it look nicer and work more efficiently. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don't get pushed into making changes for change's sake.

Good Luck !! :)

Get help!

As controlling and particular as I am, I too hit gridlock quickly. A kitchen designer opened up a new world and had lots of ideas and new perspectives I couldn't have imagined. She was able to point out some problems, impossibilities, and new options in my list of must-haves.

In the end, any remodeling process involves lots of "getting over" stuff -- both intended and unintended -- but if the major items are covered it's easier to get over the inevitable "get over" stuff. I'm so thrilled with my island and fabulous lighting that I can barely remember the missing drawers next to the cooktop now.

Step back and get some new perspective from a further view, and from someone who knows kitchens. Even if you don't like all their suggestions, a good kitchen designer can certainly help break the gridlock. Good luck!

Needsometips08 -- I think the table will be a gathering place. When I was a kid, tables were the only items people had in their kitchens and family and friends always gathered there. This past Christmas, we were at my husband's niece's house and she has a table in her kitchen as well as three rocking chairs. A lot of the time the adults were all in the kitchen and the kids were gathered around the TV (next room) playing Christmas gift video games. As we were leaving my husband said to me, when we redo the kitchen I want a table and rockers in the kitchen. When he said that I realized it was ok to just have a table. We plan on custom ordering one after the renovation as it needs to be a little narrower than the standard 36 inches or more. Relax and take time to think through your ideas. It will come together.

I went through the same thing. At a certain point I had to stop because of family issues. When I came back to it, I started talking to cabinet makers and a great GC, who've been really helpful.

It helped me to prioritize. I didn't want an island, I did want the stove near the fridge and the "toy" I really really wanted was fridge drawers in the prep area. In order to get those three things, after compromising to make everything else work, I figured out that by putting the fridge drawers in a smaller island, across from the stove, I solved the distance issue (if I'm good about keeping it stocked with the things I need while cooking), and then I got my toy. And I'm putting in a foldaway "table" shelf on the far side of the reduced island so that I have my table too. Solutions do present themselves. Give yourself more than a day. Let your mind settle. Then when you do a fresh start you'll know what compromises you're willing to make and can go ahead from there.

Oh my, do I hear you.....I am in the same "boat" trying to decide on what I want my kitchen to be like in our new house plan.....and it is so stressful. Sometimes I think the more I read these threads (although they are wonderful) and look at those beautiful kitchens that I know I can never afford, the more confused it get. I think I will make a list of what my wishes are and put them in order....then try to arrange things around them. So what if I can not afford a beautiful granite slab, and the wolf stoves, etc.....there are things that can be nice and not break the bank...(look at the thread of kitchens under $20K)...there is more to life than a HOUSE!!! Good Luck to you....take a break and settle your mind....it will come together for both of us (I hope).

This is my second reno, but this one is the entire house, inside and out. All at once. We're practically building new. I am lucky in that our kitchen is so small, there weren't many options. It's not a perfect design but we were so limited (can't build out, move windows b/c we are in a historic district) it took alot of the pining out of it. Which is a good thing because I'm pining plenty over everything else - not just in in kitchen, but every single bit of minutia (what finish for door hinges? Which backplate for the dorknobs? Which style baluster? On top of all the kitchen decisions.) It's exhausting, and a full time job. I'm getting to the point where I'm afraid to make a call on things (like my island lights, which I posted about yesterday) because I'm getting so tired of it I'm afraid I'm just going to say "oh, F--- it" and make a decision I'll regret.

It's not easy and in my experience, it doesn't get any easier. ;-) I also recommend seeing a designer. Even if you just take your measurements in to HD and see what they have to say, you might get some ideas you hadn't thought of to then take home and work on yourself.

It WILL be worth it in the end. Even though there are times DH and I want to kill each other during this whole ordeal, it's the "before and after" transformation that is our drug - I'm hoping in the end it'll be like childbirth...we'll forget all about the pain. LOLOL