Oh Man! I live in SE Michigan and while it's too late this year, you have me all fired up about doing a glysophate nuke on my KBG next spring and putting down some bentgrass. Also, I love your part of the country. Have had the privilege to play Blackwolf Run (both courses), but haven't made it back to do Whistling Straits. I do have that on my bucket list though. Not sure you knew about, or even need this yet, but there is a special herbicide (trimec flavor) just for bentgrass. All that time and money you've put into your lawn, no sense burning it up with some generic weed killer. I'll put the link down below for you. Plus I noticed all kinds of bentgrass seed, in various small poundages. I noticed that there are not too many places to buy bentgrass seed in small quantities. Do you think that means bentgrass for residences are not that popular? I would think with all the golfing fools out there that they would entertain the idea of a bentgrass lawn. Interesting. Again, fantastic lawn, look forward to more pictures! Todd

After working for UCSF for 7 years (not all full time and a maternity leave in there), I moved to another state after doing careful calculations about being "vested" in the Univ of CA retirement plan. "Vesting" was based on 5 years of 40 hr/wk work and I worked 36 hr weeks (3 x 12 hr) and took some time off for grad school and a baby. After I left I was told that I was not vested due to inadequate hours; this was apparently due to a clerical error I had suffered for the first few months I worked there, when they erroneously put me down as a "per-diem" (as opposed to "benefitted") employee. In order to prove that that was in error, I had to provide those paystubs including the one with the "correction". I'm so glad that I had obsessively filed those paystubs for direct deposit in chronological order and was able to put my hand on it, copy it and mail it to them. As a result, I will have several hundred dollars each month in retirement that I wouldn't have otherwise. Retirement's a long way away, but not something to be toyed with. Besides, I'm sure my daughter will laugh at the "measly" $18/hr I was being paid at the time as a new nurse. When my father died, I found sheets of yellow legal paper in his files accounting how much money he had found on the street since the 1950's: "1972 79 cents, 1973 $10.41" etc. Although amusing, it wasn't needed, but all his files were exceedingly better maintained than mine. I am nervous about going to "paperless" systems in case I were to be hit by a truck tomorrow. My mother would need an extensive list of passwords and websites to access my retirement plans (to even know about them) and other accounts. My ex is not a reliable source of info, and doesn't have a clue about what accounts I now have (and wouldn't help her if he knew). You're not supposed to write down those passwords after all. My mother has been made the beneficiary of my retirement accounts, because I know she will properly use the money for my daughter. I will change all of that in 10 years or so when DD is old enough.

Greetings jampack, Thank you for your generous comments. I absolutely, completely agree with you about "reinventing" ourselves. I call it creating a new life using the strengths from the "beloved life" or just simply "the past." We can view the beloved life but we cannot participate in it anymore, so take the strength of the beauty of the memories and the great love shared and heal the pain of grief and move into creating a new life. What really encouraged me in always moving forward in my healing from the pain of grief was to take care with my thoughts and my self-talk. What I think, I create. My thoughts become things. If I think something will be horrible........guess what, it WILL definitely be horrible!! Or, "I will never get through this, I am destined to suffer from now until I die." But, if my thoughts go like this: "This will be a difficult situation for me and I will experience deep pain (or agony, discomfort, embarrassment, fear, etc) but I know with great faith, I will get through this and be stronger for the journey." The situations and events that this can be applied to are endless. But it must be used fervently. It doesn't have to even be believed at first. But practice, practice, practice. Write the phrase down and carry it with you. Having been a consummate, professional horse trainer for over 30 yrs, I used those very skills to train myself to heal. In training horses, compassion, kindness and positivity are the greatest tools for success; and, the successes are measured in tiny increments....tiny steps. When one is in the throes of the most horribly, painful feelings of their entire life, DON'T STOPKEEP MOVING!!! I have heard countless times when I share my story at grief seminars, "When my spouse (child, parent, sibling) died, I died with them and my life has ended." Now, this is 100% true, but only to the extent that the life with the deceased has ended. Then, too, a large percentage of those folks refuse to/don't know how to create a new life. It is common for these folks and fellow grievers to feel that by torturing themselves with as much pain as they can inflict on themselves, they are honoring their beloved departed one. But, just sit back for a moment and do a "what if" scenario. What if you, yourself, died, was killed, committed suicide, or whatever, would you want your family and loved ones to stay in a painful, morose, joyless, depressed agony for the rest of their time on this earth; day after day, year after year???? I absolutely wouldn't. I would pray that they transplant themselves into a wonderful new life to experience once again joy, happiness and love. I have heard the cry, "Will I always feel this way?" or "Will the pain EVER go away?" My answer is a resounding, jubilant YES, YES, YES!!! The pain will recede when you choose to let go of it; but, only if you choose to heal the pain of grief. You must decide for yourself, "Am I clinging to the pain because if I let it go I will lose the love for my beloved or they will forget about me or I will forget about them?????" I can assure you with all of my heart that if you stop clinging and release the grip on what can never be, you will experience the closeness of what can be. (I feel such a warm, loving, close relationship with my Michael, now.) Do you always want to feel "this way?" It is your choice!! Everyone heals at their own pace. Consider it to be like planting a seed. It seems like forever before the little seedling pops through the soil and starts growing towards the energy of the sun, to blossom and grow to grandeur. But, we must keep watering it even if we don't see it yet. So goes our healing. The mind is critical and sharp, with a tendency to focus on what's wrong, rather than appreciating what's right. When you have gone SO far that you can't manage ONE MORE STEP!---------------------Remember, you have gone just half the distance you are capable of. Turquoise

I remember reading that...but it's still just as funny.... I am completely surprised that I didn't find a post from me on there...My DH has done a few things during our 42 years that I tell on him every now and then. patti