DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package -- because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, having sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex with my daughter, I am the barrier and I am the one who will do the killing. Rule Five: It is generally understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only answer I need from you on this subject is "Early." Rule Six: I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, even if more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following locations are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff t-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks' homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. The voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Just last night I was noodling around on the 'holiday' part of the forum. I saw a great post on what to do with a wedding dress. It's titled 'Either your'e creative or losing it". I made a small post to bump it up to the top. It would work for me....I left a tree up for three years! My mother made my dress for my first wedding. I still remember the hours she spent covering buttons with satin, and making button loops of satin, and these went down the back and on the sleeves. My dad stepped on the train at the altar, and almost ripped it off when I stepped forward to take my husband to be's hand. The best man took the rings out of his pocket and realized they were stuck one inside the other. He stood there and fiddled with them, and when they popped apart, he dropped one. Instead of looking for it, he just kind of knelt down and felt around, hoping he would find it. Someone in a front pew had seen it roll under the train, got up, and got it for him. About ten years later a close friend mentioned her daughter had a part in the high school play 'Fiddler on the Roof', and she needed to find a wedding dress for her. I loaned it to her, it fit like a dream, got filthy, they had it cleaned, and I stuck it in a box in the closet. I was cleaning out the closet one day, opened the box, and saw that mice had chewed into the box and pooped all over it. Man, that storage problem was solved in a New York minute! Besides, I was onto number 2 anyway.... My mother wanted her sister's wedding dress after she passed away. It was beautiful ivory silk. She gave the dress to another aunt, and she made beautiful angels for all the nieces and nephews for Christmas. It was a wonderful way to honor the dress, and to share a nice family memory in a fairly small space. I think the Christmas tree skirt is a pretty nifty idea too if one doesn't want to keep the dress intact. Barbara Barbara

I dont see your "kick *ss" as being helpful because it is pretty clear Dad wont agree to this and all you are doing is making OP feel crummy becuase her options are limited. It is also IMHO unacceptable to use this type of language when recommending how to deal with children. kkny, Oh my GOD! You better go back and read this thread again, because I'M not the one who said that! That was a quote from ANOTHER poster. In my post, I was simply AGREEING with her, and validating her point! We are NOT our fathers, and neither one of us were even talking to you! And as far as your "IMHO" goes regarding language? Who cares! My parents did a great job of rasing us, as evidences by the fact that all of my siblings and I are financially secure, married, college degreed professionals, with families, lovely homes, and we all love each other and worship the ground our parents walk on. I'd say they got it right! And MySpace already DOES deny service for those who violate their TOS agreement, especially to teens. It's how they've managed to avoid the many lawsuits that have been filed against them! Their legal argument, which has prevailed in court thus far, is that someone has to register a COMPLAINT before they can investigate violations of the TOS agreements! MySpace is facing a whole slew of lawsuits right now on allegations they failed to protect minors, oh aside from one in Texas involving another minor who committed suicide after being raped by a Myspace predator. Oh no, MySpace doesn't pose any dangers for children! And I never said that PROFANITY in and of itself that violates MySpace and other TOS agreements necessarily either. It's the purpose and intent for which they are used! Even obscenities can be used in ways which are reasonably nonoffensive--as Howard Stern more or less demonstrated many long years ago. Why don't you try going back and reading the actual portions of the MySPace TOS and see if you can comprehend what actually says, and WHY neither the words "obscenity" or "profanity" are used. After doing so, if you're still having comprehensive problems, please let me know and I'll try to provide further clarification. If I'm still in the general mood, that is. Have you ever given some consideration to taking some adult literacy classes? I mean, how do you manage to communicate with anyone? Or DO you know better and are really the one here who's been "phrasing arguments to suit yourself?" Yeah, that's about what I thought. Oh, and in case you're also not aware, record companies have been filing lawsuits for BILLIONS of dollars for copyright infringement directly against CHILD as young as 12 for converting music into MP3s and distributing it for free on internet sites such as "Napster", who was also sued and settled the suit for somewhere around the neighborhood of $400 million and agreeing never to do it again! There are still internet sites that engage in this practice in countries currently not under US jurisdiction--but under international treaties, the record companies are hard at work going after them as well, while kids in this country are still posting their MP3, never imagining that one day, they might get slapped with a lawsuit too! And when and if that day comes, guess who's going to get to pay? So don't try telling me it's never going to happen--it already IS! As far as "limited options" go, almost EVRERYONE's options are limited! Otherwise instead of getting up to go to work in the morning, we'd all live in mansions, while cruising the world, and sunning at the beach! And just because her husband hasn't "stepped up to the plate" YET, don't go assuming he won't! I "chose my battles wisely" and ignored most things, but at one point, instigated by their psychotic mother's desire to get my husband back, their behavior became somewhat abusive. Before it even went that far, husband sat them both down and informed them in no uncertain terms that he never even knew he was capable of loving anyone as much as he loved me. That they would be starting their own lives soon, but him and I were FOREVER, so they better not even think of abusing "MY WIFE" again! It was a great speech, I was very proud of him! Oh, and 2 days after he PRIVATELY told his X what would happen if she ever tried pulling that crap again, she ran off over 1,000 miles away to escape his wrath! Oh, she came back, always does. She's so predictable. And as far as your snotty little insinuations regarding "intimidating" my SDs go? Yeah? I spent 2 hours on the phone with my youngest this morning, who's also coming over tonight for dinner with her BF, and his sister's been knocking herself out trying to get me to TALK to her again! She's currently banned from our home for attempting to con my husband into agreeing to "sneak" BM into HIS mother's funeral behind my back. That's when we got a lawyer to inform his X that if she tried showing up, not only would she be thrown out, but we would file legal action against her. He didn't talk to his daughter for quite a while after that either, and she's been sending me flowers and cards trying to apologize ever since. And I'll accept it--when I'm pretty sure I won't say anything to her I might regret later. And it's not like I'm even that mad at her. We always kept our problems with her mother PRIVATE, so I'm not even positive if she's aware of her mother's true agenda, which never had anything to do with them anyway. Only reason I'm even on this board is because my husband's out-of-town, working with her and her husband, in the business we helped them start! But that's business, and my God! The money's phenomenal! Which is also the REAL reason loser bum BM wants MY husband back, and also what I'm afraid of letting slip to SD that I might regret later. She's already in counseling and several different medications, but that's because her husband finally got tired of her mother MOOCHING off them, and threw her out on her sorry rear. Is this your real problem? Has your X moved on and is living a life of bliss with his new wife, and won't allow your bitterness to intrude on their happiness? Have they shut you out and won't listen to a single word you say, leaving you with the only "option" of taking out your frustrations on the SMs on this board instead? Tell me, how am I doing here?

"What really helped with us was that I started doing things with SS, without DH." This is such a good and valid point, and something that helped me tremendously in my own relationship with my SS(9). He was not quite 2 when DH and I started dating---my DD is the same age. (They are six weeks apart!) The kids were not quite 5 when we moved in together, and then 6 when we got married. They are both now 9 yrs old. Anyway, I struggled in the earlier days, even right around the time we got married, with feeling close to and good about my relationship with SS. We did have a lot of externals, with his BM actively working to ensure he didn't like me. SS was very torn and that made it hard for him to warm up to me, and it made me feel very hesitant/hands off. But I wholeheartedly agree with Mattie---spending time alone with SS made a big difference in our bond. It was like he began to see me as a parent figure who cares about and for him; when DH was around, it was almost as though I didn't exist. I think the best turning point was 2 years ago when I took SS on vacation WITHOUT DH. I took both kids--DD and SS---on vacation with my extended family. Spending a week with SS where I was the ONLY parent really bonded us in a way I can't explain. It's still not perfect or ideal; we are not super close, and I think he still, at times, is hesitant about me just b/c of the animosity BM has directed at me. But it's better, soooo much better than ever before. And I have no reason to think that things will not continue to improve the older and more independent SS becomes. I understand your situation is a bit different in that you're not custodial, and you spend big chunks of time alone with your SD may not be an option. But Mattie makes a great point! And you have the "girl" factor on your side, too. You and SD could go shopping or go get mani/pedis. Go see a chick flick. Those kinds of things. Bond with her over being females, relate to her on that level. That gives you an "excuse" to do some things WITHOUT DH. Maybe make it a point to do sometihng just you and SD once a month---even if it's just a quick run to Target, or to the grocery store.