Greetings jampack, Thank you for your generous comments. I absolutely, completely agree with you about "reinventing" ourselves. I call it creating a new life using the strengths from the "beloved life" or just simply "the past." We can view the beloved life but we cannot participate in it anymore, so take the strength of the beauty of the memories and the great love shared and heal the pain of grief and move into creating a new life. What really encouraged me in always moving forward in my healing from the pain of grief was to take care with my thoughts and my self-talk. What I think, I create. My thoughts become things. If I think something will be horrible........guess what, it WILL definitely be horrible!! Or, "I will never get through this, I am destined to suffer from now until I die." But, if my thoughts go like this: "This will be a difficult situation for me and I will experience deep pain (or agony, discomfort, embarrassment, fear, etc) but I know with great faith, I will get through this and be stronger for the journey." The situations and events that this can be applied to are endless. But it must be used fervently. It doesn't have to even be believed at first. But practice, practice, practice. Write the phrase down and carry it with you. Having been a consummate, professional horse trainer for over 30 yrs, I used those very skills to train myself to heal. In training horses, compassion, kindness and positivity are the greatest tools for success; and, the successes are measured in tiny increments....tiny steps. When one is in the throes of the most horribly, painful feelings of their entire life, DON'T STOPKEEP MOVING!!! I have heard countless times when I share my story at grief seminars, "When my spouse (child, parent, sibling) died, I died with them and my life has ended." Now, this is 100% true, but only to the extent that the life with the deceased has ended. Then, too, a large percentage of those folks refuse to/don't know how to create a new life. It is common for these folks and fellow grievers to feel that by torturing themselves with as much pain as they can inflict on themselves, they are honoring their beloved departed one. But, just sit back for a moment and do a "what if" scenario. What if you, yourself, died, was killed, committed suicide, or whatever, would you want your family and loved ones to stay in a painful, morose, joyless, depressed agony for the rest of their time on this earth; day after day, year after year???? I absolutely wouldn't. I would pray that they transplant themselves into a wonderful new life to experience once again joy, happiness and love. I have heard the cry, "Will I always feel this way?" or "Will the pain EVER go away?" My answer is a resounding, jubilant YES, YES, YES!!! The pain will recede when you choose to let go of it; but, only if you choose to heal the pain of grief. You must decide for yourself, "Am I clinging to the pain because if I let it go I will lose the love for my beloved or they will forget about me or I will forget about them?????" I can assure you with all of my heart that if you stop clinging and release the grip on what can never be, you will experience the closeness of what can be. (I feel such a warm, loving, close relationship with my Michael, now.) Do you always want to feel "this way?" It is your choice!! Everyone heals at their own pace. Consider it to be like planting a seed. It seems like forever before the little seedling pops through the soil and starts growing towards the energy of the sun, to blossom and grow to grandeur. But, we must keep watering it even if we don't see it yet. So goes our healing. The mind is critical and sharp, with a tendency to focus on what's wrong, rather than appreciating what's right. When you have gone SO far that you can't manage ONE MORE STEP!---------------------Remember, you have gone just half the distance you are capable of. Turquoise

I'm a little late responding but thanks everyone! I don't know what is up with this place but I had to change my password and user name to post! We are back in TX for a while and after today won't have internet access so just wanted to let everyone know I am still alive and will get back here as soon as I can.See Ya later! Ya'll behave while I'm gone!

I had quite a few radishes and beans, plus multitudes of squash and tomatoes come up volunteer in my garden from last year ... when Conrad the landlord tilled last week, I begged him to skip some of the tomatoes, lest I not have enough. He said that there were plenty. I transplanted quite a few into rows on the night before last, just before dark, and watered them. Didn't go out early yesterday to water them, did some cultivating and weeding in the other garden, some of them were looking rather peaked when I arrived a while before lunch on that hot day. Watered them, stuck some boxes over a few to shade them and they perked up some. As I weeded the cantaloupe, put some lamb's quarters - a full tray that in which tomatoes come to the stores - and was sad that there appear to be no cantaloupe sprouted in half of the row. Friend from the investment group called to say to be at his place at five to six to go to the meeting, and he'd like some straw for his garden, so I took him two main bales and a couple of small ones ... he was surprised that I could get all four into my little car (and without one in the front seat) and I had some other things, plus the tray of greens to share ... I said that when one packs for overseas, the rules deal with not just weight, but volume, as well. We picked up the gal who lives near him on the way to the meeting, and did some shopping along the way - I got some cashews and some choc. chips to pass around, which I did ... but forgot the greens, sitting in the corner, until after the break-up and many had left. One guy took some at the after-meeting in the coffee shop. I was to go out to lunch today, had asked a friend who was busy, and called another a couple of times, and had thought to ask Lori en route last night whether she'd like to go ... but forgot that, too. This morning I did some hoeing, watered the tomatoes - I think that all but possibly a couple will survive, and cleaned the car (straw in a car is messy), as I planned to visit Lori's house to see whether she might be interested to share lunch. There's a group at the church that I attended as a child that used to be called the "Senior Men's Coffee Hour" that meets Thursdays through fall, winter and spring. Then they changed their name to "ROMEO"s - Retired Old Men Eating Out, and my suggestion that, as we are mainly drinking, it should be called "ROMDO" - Retired Old Men Drinking Out went over like a ton of lead bricks. Could it be the old Methodist heritage, which that congregation had been prior to the formation of The United Church of Canada in 1925, four years before my birth? Surely not. Anyway, at their final meeting in the spring, they all invite their wives out for lunch at a nearby restaurant, and today noon was the day. Last night when we arrived at Lori's door, I ran to ring her bell, then ran back to the car to move some of my stuff from the front to the back seat ... and she teased me about being like a kid that rings one's bell and runs away. This morning, when I rang Lori's bell ... no answer. Guess she was away (or working - she works part-time ... and makes money on the stock market). The lunch was lovely - I had pickerel - and some teased me about the lack of a companion. So - now I'm on the internet, talking to you guys ... and waiting for my ten-minute warning dialogue box to show up ... it did, while I'd been typing this, and this is the second time of typing it. So, I'll have to shut up. Imagine that. Have yourselves a lovely day, everyone. ole joyful

Only a completely "off the grid" setup, as some kooks like to do but which is impractical because of nighttime darkness, would be unaffected by changes in the distribution system. Why do you refer to people who live off the grid "kooks" ? Besides name calling, that sounds really close minded to me especially coming from the guy who has told KT forums members to "open their minds" in past threads. I have a neighbor who has been off the grid for the 25 years that I have known him through a combination of solar and water power. He's far from a kook and lives very comfortably while generating all his own power. Unlike all the people who are upset about their power being turned off during this red flag fire warning, he won't be affected at all. Be advised that I'm not going to get into it with you; I just was curious why you felt the need to call people who choose to live off the grid "kooks". And, calling "crickets" on Lukki Irish is uncalled for. She may very well be busy with other things and hasn't yet seen your posts. Not everyone spends all day on the internet. I haven't been on since this morning because I've been busy with other things.