Sometimes it has to be done. What I've learned is stick strictly to the facts, no emotional or intuitive comments - hard not to feel guilty, but not your fault, jubilee.
I have to do it on occasion when a tenant I've gotten to know wants to move and a new landlord calls for a reference - if things are really bad I just decline to give a report on the person, neither good nor bad.
Hope you feel better about it after you digest it tonite.
Suzan J

Yes. Part of my job was increasing the efficiency of processes and workflows. Some of it was by programming databases, but a lot of it had to do with employees and their specific duties. I would often have to assess a department and make recommendations on changes or additional training for personnel.

It is hard to separate the personal from the professional. And it is as stressful to give somebody you absolutely detest a GOOD review as it is to give somebody you like a bad one LOL.

What I do try however, is to also point out the person's strengths to convey the message that perhaps this job is not suited to their skillset or personality type.

"Jane Doe is very professional in appearance and very organized. However, her ability to meet deadlines is higher with clear direction and regular communication with her manager. She often has trouble being on time in the morning but always makes up the time during the day and would be a great candidate for flex time".

If I were asked if I could recommend somebody for a particular job and I knew they were not suited for it, I have no qualms in saying so. It is my professional opinion that they would not be suited to that job for x, y, and z reasons based on past experiences 1, 2, and 3. That doesn't mean they are horrible employee and there is no reason to feel guilty.

When it came time to do a mass downsizing, I myself had to give the recommendation to downsize my own sister. There were no problems between us or anything, and she did a good job. WHEN SHE WAS THERE. She was unreliable to show up on important days and was late more often than not. As an employee I did not want to have to pick up her slack, and as a sister I knew she did not like her job. And realistically how long could she stay there with that performance? At least if she was downsized it was better for unemployment etc.

Another time a person used me as a reference when they wanted to foster children. Note that they never asked my permission - I would have said NO if they had. I didn't like their attitude about foster children in general (it seemed they wanted to run it like a business, stacking the kids like cordwood and giving them the bare minimum while they cashed the cheques), the DH ahd a drinking problem and often drove while impaired, and the wife ofen smoked marijuana in the home. I wouldn't let MY child visit there, let alone live there.

(((hugs))) and stop feeling like a Zombie. Sometimes life is complicated, but it is doing the right thing that counts.

Dances is on target, as usual.

Most employees make their own bed ... and some want others to change it.

ole joyful

I didn't think companies gave out references on employees anymore (especially negative ones -- I thought it was to easy to be sued). Most companies I worked for would just verify works dates and job duties, etc. but didn't really give references.

I thought all positive references usually came from the names people give on the reference sheet that they provide with their resume. Hopefully, no one has personally listed you as a reference without asking you first especailly if you don't think highly of them.

Well said Dances. I was head of a branch library and absolutely detested annual ratings. Even when I gave a superior rating I spent way too much time writing it. But the poor reviews were so difficult. I didn't realize that the previous head of my library had only given positive reviews so when I wrote accurate reviews including both positive and negative aspects and suggestions on improving performance I was surprised when my staff complained to the library director. Only then did I learn the truth about the fellow I replaced. It was a little awkard and I finally called a staff meeting to clear the air. It helped especially when some of the more experienced staff members mentioned that my reviews were more like the ones they had received when they worked in other libraries.

I hope you feel better soon. I really feel for you.