((((hugs)))) I hope you get to talk to your mom again. I remember the last time I spoke to my mom was Christmas Eve 1992, she died two weeks later suddenly while visitng her mom in Sicily.

You are in my thoughts. I know how hard this must be for you. I hope you get to speak to your Mom again.

Gentle Hugs

Anne

((bigbaby)) Here's hoping that your mom takes a turn for the better. I can only imagine how you're feeling right now.

Oh, I'm so sorry! You must be hurting terribly. I hope so much that you get to speak with her again.

Go see her.

time to hop on a plane. pronto!

I hope you are able to speak to your Mom again. I remember how hard it was for me when my Mom was hospitalized and I was 1500 miles away. I phoned the hospital and asked my sister to hold the phone to my Mom's ear. She couldn't talk, but she heard me and my sister could tell by her facial expression that she knew what I was saying. I did get there in time to be with her and it made losing her a little easier to bear. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry for all the pain you're having, sweetie. I hope your Mom gets better and that you get to talk to her a lot more. Your post really rang true for me and your pain is so plain to see.

I hope your sister does right by you and doesn't do something that she may end up regretting, by being petty. Now is not the time for squabbles. Surely she'll see that?

Good luck to all of you.

Hugs to you. I totally understand your pain and fear. I agree with others...go see her now.

Oh Sue, that is such a painful burden to bear. I hope you can find some comfort knowing that your Mother loves you so much. Your faith is strong and will help you through these difficult times. Maybe you would feel better if you went to see your Mother. You'll be in my thoughts and my prayers.

I'm so sorry Bigbaby. I agree with the others who said you should go see her now if it's at all possible. Do whatever you have to do to make it happen. Pack a bag and get to the airport and just go. You are in my thoughts.(((Sue)))

I'm so very sorry, Bigbaby. You certainly have a lot of stress going on in your life. I hope and pray your Dear Mom take a turn for the better and you at least get to tell her of your Love. If not, I hope you can take some solace in knowing you will see her again, and when you do, she will be vital and healthy again. ((((Hugs)))) Dottie

I also absolutely understand how you are feeling. I say go to her right now and see her. Just to look at her face and hold her hand will comfort you right now.
I would give anything in the world to hold my Mom's hand right now. Mama loved me unconditionally...I always knew if all else failed Mama would be right there to hold me up. She died April of 2009 from COPD/Emphysema...and a little bit of me died with her.

Deb

This post hit me pretty hard. My mother died last November and I miss her so much. I wish I could see and talk to her one last time. As the others said, go see her. She might not know you are there but you will.

Yes, please consider going. You'll never regret it and knowing you're there will be such a joy for her. Something you'll remember with love for the rest of your life. (((hugs)))

Oh my. I'm tearing up reading this, because I believe that I can completely empathize. I recall my best friend in the world, my father, in the hospital bed, intubated and sedated, and me just wanting to wake him up, take him home, and have everything be fine. That didn't happen, and I miss him every day. Your heart is hurting so badly. Are you able to go there now? Even if your mother is not conscious, I think that there is a possibility that she will know you're there, feel you holding her hand, and be comforted, as will you. Remember, everything you feel for her, she feels for you.

Hugs and blessings to you.

Suzieque

I hope you can talk to your mother again. It will mean so much to both of you. We were all with my husband when he passed and it meant so much to all of us.

I remember when my stepmother died (she had been my mother for 40 years) I said, "No one will ever be that happy to hear my voice on the phone again." I was with her when she died, and told her everything I wanted to say.

I hope you'll be able to be with your mom at this time. If she's unresponsive, remember that hearing is the last to go.

(((Sue)))

I'm so very sorry for you pain.

(((Bigbaby)))I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and that you can't go to the wake.
I am so sorry too about your mom....I do understand the "messed up family" thing tho.....mine is too.
If there is anyway that you can go home, you should.
You'll feel so much better if you do.

My heart goes out to you. I lost my mother 14 months ago. I was able to see her after her stroke, and while the doctors felt she was totally unaware, I will always believe that she knew her loving husband and two children were at her side.

If it's not possible for you to go there, call her. That phone call will mean the world to both of you!

Hugs!!

Honey, I wish there was something we could do to make you feel better. As others have said, if you have any way to get there ... do that.

Your mom doesn't have to be medically 'conscious' for you to talk to her. I truly believe her subconscious will know you're there, holding her hand, and telling her how much she means to you. She may not be able to answer, but your heart will feel so much better for having said these things.

If you can't get there, then start your prayers to God, telling Him what you would tell her. He will make sure she knows.

In the intense pain of a situation like this, speaking our thoughts and feelings really does help.

I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling now.

I agree that you should go if you can. If you can't, though, it's okay. Your mother knows you love her.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I hope your Mom gets better and you are able to visit with her.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom.

Sue, I hope and I pray that this works out for you. I'm with so many others who say that if at all possible, go to see her now. Don't leave that decision in the hands of your sister. Even if she's not 'conscious', it's still possible for her to hear or sense that you are there. That's the way it was with my Dad. There was no doubt in my mind that he knew I was there.

God be with you.

Shirley

(((Big Baby)))

I hope you are able to go and see her. If not, she knows that you would be there if you could.

I will pray for a good outcome. It's so hard to see loved ones suffer but it is even harder to lose them...

I am so sorry you have having to face this pain. ((((Sue)))) I have you, your Mom, and your friend in my prayers.

Can you go, right now??? Even if she cannot communicate, you can hold her hand and be with her. It's so important.

My dear mother is gone, 7 years now. I still miss her every day and cannot believe she is no longer a living part of my life. So...go!

I agree with Stoney. Drs may tell you she can't hear you - that's not necessarily so. If you can possibly go to her, do so now. Or make the call. If sister isn't willing to hold the phone, ask the nursing staff when they might be able to help you. I think we'd all be surprised if we knew how much our loved ones hear when medicine says they can't. Sending you many hugs!

Well, this morning I spoke to the doctor and things didn't look so good. After much contemplation I booked a very expensive flight and then called my sister. Sister reported that Mom is actually improving. She is awake and alert and is actually improving. She was not able to breathe without the vent but things are not as grave. They are not going to pull the plug tomorrow because now she may pull through. I confirmed all this with the nursing staff. I've canceled my reservation today because if she goes downhill again I can always fly out another day. I'm hoping she makes it until April 12th, which is when I was already planning on seeing her. I was just going to lose that ticket because it was non-refundable, etc., and I would not be able to take off more time in April.

I'm exhausted with trying to decide what to do and thinking that my mother was dying. I'm kind of shocked at my reaction. I'm a clinical social worker and have worked in hospice for 4 1/2 years and I thought I would be a little more philosophical versus so emotional, but I'm a mess! Moms are tough!!

I'm glad she's better. I hope you don't regret canceling your ticket today... my thoughts are with you and your mom

Moms are our anchors. We look to them for advice, approval, love, soothing and reality checks. It is never easy to say goodbye to a mother. We aren't ready when we are 60 or 70 and we aren't prepared when we are 10 or 20.

My mother died when I was 12. We were all a mess, even my dad.

The sad sons and daughters who pray for death to deliver their moms from worldly pain are the only ones who welcome their mothers' deaths. And even they still have the deep loss overwhelming them.

We all pray for you and your mother, BB.

Sue, I understand perfectly why you've made this decision. It's not often easy to balance financial, work, schedules, etc., is it? Especially when your emotions play such a big part in something like this. I hope you can call and talk directly to her and that your sister actually assists you in this, instead of playing games. (I know that scenario too.) I will pray that God gives you the wisdom to continue to make the decisions that will be best for you and your mom.

Shirley

Bigbaby, only you can know what you will feel best doing. I suggest, though, that you consider going now, anyway. If she is better, wouldn't it be best to be with her now and talk to her now rather than to wait until she's gravely ill again? She will know of your visit for sure, and you can hear her voice, kiss her cheek, and hold her hand and have her respond and smile at you.

I know it's expensive and difficult to coordinate, but your grief and lack of seeing her will be more costly. Think of going now, please, so that you know for sure that she will see you, know you're there, and hear your words.

Suzieque

Is it possible to get a webcam into her room so you can at least see her? I know you said your family is messed up but does she have a friend who has a child that might take a laptop up to connect you or could you send a video that they could play for her and then they tape one of her to send you? That way if things go bad at least you would have "seen" each other.

Just love janie's idea!

You'll remain in my thoughts, Bigbaby.

Sue, ask the doctor to have it on your chart that you should be called as soon as your mother is able to at least have the phone to her ear so she can hear you. I sure hope she gets better and you can see her in April as planned. Thinking of you, dear!

There is an old saying "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." So my advise would be to go now, now that she is improving. We never know what those "tomorrows" hold.

When DH was slowly dying of cancer, at home..one morning, I and the hospice worker saw signs that death was near. He was awake, but in a lot of pain.

I called DH's two brothers and sister (who all lived within 20 minutes of us), and said "it's real bad, heavy drugs coming...if you want to see and talk to him, I think you should come over today".

One brother and his sister were there within the hour...the other brother reminded me that he was coming over tomorrow, and had other plans for today.

DH died late that afternoon. The brother who was too busy moaned and groaned that he never got to "say good-bye to my brother".

Bigbaby...follow your instincts. Things can happen very quickly.

Thinking of you, and sending good thoughts out to you and your mom.

I agree with Monica, go with your intuition. You don't want to regret that you had the chance and missed it.

Bigbaby, please don't feel guilty about not going. Talk to your Mom on the phone as soon as she is able, tell her how much she means to you.

I truly believe that once we leave this life, we will know how people felt about us (even if they never told us). I do think we should still take the opportunities to tell people that we love them... but I don't think we should beat ourselves up if we don't get to say those final goodbyes. JMHO.

I waited too long to go home and see mom. I hadn't seen my mom in five years. Was going through a divorce, going through nursing school. Sometimes when I talked to my mom on the phone, she told me she had CHF and was dying. I knew she had problems with her diabetes also because she had to be rushed to the hospital unconscious once or twice in recent months, but I waited till I had the money and time off from work. She died unexpectantly the night before me and the kids were to fly out to visit. In fact, I was packing when my brother called to tell me. She was ill but I didn't believe she was anywhere close to dying.

I am still haunted by this. Instead of going home to visit her I went home to help my brother clean out her room and go to her funeral. Please don't wait.

I really believe you should go now. Like others have said we never know what tomorrow may bring. I would rather visit an ill or recovering mom than have to fly to a funeral.

Personally I'd rather miss the funeral. Once gone from this earth if you are at all religious or spiritual where you are doesn't matter any more. Where you are does matter for the living.

If your mother is ill you need to visit her if you can. If she gets well you will have a nice visit with her. By April the option may or may not be there.

Things can change very quickly with the elderly.My DMIL died while my DH was on a 3 day business trip. He visited her just before he left and she was fine. She passed in the early morning hours of the day he was to return.

As a hospice worker you probably already know that short of a massive coronary or stroke it is pneumonia that often takes the elderly even before the disease or other illness they are dealing with does. With bad lungs your mother is even at higher risk.

Be good to yourself Bigbaby. Now is the time to be "selfish" and do what you think needs to be done. For both you and your mother.

BB...go as soon as you can...and my thoughts and prayers are with you that you make it in time...Like wildchild said...it's more important to be there now then when she's gone...I firmly believe when she's gone...she'll know how much she meant to you...Go tell her now while she's still able to hear it...(((BigBaby)))...you're in my thoughts sweet lady!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I hope you find peace soon.

What will you have to give up in order to pay for the 'expensive' air fare?

What will happen at work if you're not there for a few days?

Yes, I thought so...nothing much, and really nothing *at all* compared to your need and your mother's need to be together NOW.

Go now. Go in April too!

I know for sure that when someone is unconscious they can still hear. When my Grandmother wasw dying of cancer many years ago, my own Mom sat by her bedside for days, crying and praying and talking to her. By some miracle, Grandma regsined consciousness and was able to speak. She told Mom she remembered all the crying and praying. So it msy not be too late to talk to your Mom. But don't delay-go.

Mom continues to improve. They will keep her on the vent another day and re-evaluate tomorrow. She is on the "margin" when they turn the vent off, which is an improvement. As long as she keeps improving they will keep her on the machine until she no longer improves. She is doing remarkably well. If she doesn't improve much more and they decide to take her off the vent, I will immediately go home. She probably has a couple of days after they take her off because she is kind of on the margin.

Thank you all for your input, kind words and prayers. They are most appreciated. It was really tough on Friday and Saturday not knowing the situation and what to do. I had reservations and was all ready to go on Saturday. That was before they evaluated her on Saturday and the news was actually very good. As I said, she continues to improve. I think tomorrow morning, when they evaluate her again will probably be a big decision time. I am to call at noon to get the results. So, I may be off to Galveston tomorrow, but hopefully a little more prepared.

good for you...if you do have to go have a safe flight, and a good chat...

i so wanted to have dh go home for a final christmas with his mother, but his father said "no need to"...should have followed my thoughts and insisted...she passed in feb, and he got to see her, but not talk or say all those special things..not a very good remembrance...

BB, when you call for an update, ask if someone can put the phoe to Moms ear and talk to her. She may not be able to talk to you, but she can hear you say how much you love her.

Take that exepensive flight, and condiser it a gift to both of you. You won't regret it.