No, you shouldn't "surprise" your husband with a pet he has expressly asked you not to get. And he is not being mean. You have had pets for 20 years because you like them. Sounds like a good man if you ask me. He was patient with your likes, give him the same respect.

You even agree you don't have time right now for a pet so just don't do anything for a while. You may find that with two young kids, a little more time for your family and yourself and no worries about pets is a nice change.

Give the situation at least 6 months and see how you all feel at that time.

My DH is the same way- he says after all of these guys are gone, no more. Yeah right. He did ask me to not work with animals anymore- I always felt guilty and brought something home (this accounts for two of the dogs we still have) I'm going to begin my nursing degree and specialize in midwifery or ob/gyn work, he better hope I don't start bringing babies home :)

I want a guinea pig but DH keeps telling me no, I think i'm going to have to get one and say it was a stray ;)
I would get something short lived- hamster, mouse (yuck), or a rat (big yuck). If you don't mind rats they make excellent pets and you can train them to do tricks. Maybe that will pacify the kids and not bother DH. I would say ask but he sounds like my DH and the best method is just to get it and bring it home, he always falls in love with them as much as he doesn't want to admit it. I've caught him with one of our dogs that he claims he can't stand, cuddling her and talking to her "oh Lucy is a good girl, Oh I love you too Lucy, etc." If I walk in he puts her down and says "stupid dog" They're softies even if they don't admit it.

I don't think he's being mean -- but he maybe reacting out of his own hurt at losing the last dog. It's not an uncommon reaction -- the pain of losing a pet makes some people think they're safer not falling in love with a pet ever again!

I don't think you and the kids should be deprived of the love and life-lessons of another pet -- but I wouldn't just bring one home and spring it on him as a done deal. While he may come to love it and enjoy it, I don't think forcing people into a relationship is ever a good idea. (Not to mention it opens the way for him to "spring" stuff on you without consulting you!)

I'd sit him down some night and ask him when is the best time to introduce a new pet to the family, and what kind of pet he thinks it should be. If he says 'absolutely not, no way' you can calmly tell him that he knew when he married oyu that you were a 'pet person', and that the kids are also clamoring for a pet. If you assume that getting a pet is a fact, and focus on what pet and when, it might be an easier discussion.

I'd definetly ask him to explain why he doesn't want another animal. Is it the time involved in training? Not being able to get away for weekends? There are ways to deal with pretty much any objection, but you need to know why he's resisting. And he needs to be reminded that you respect his opinions.

It may take a while to reach an agreement. And it may mean not getting another pet until after the summer camping season is over. But hopefully you'll get one that everybody in the family loves from day one!

Good luck! (I can't imagine my childhood without pets....)

Put my names with alison's post. :)

groomingal - my DH is the same with our cats. He hates it when people see him giving them affection... with the exception of one. She's his baby.. everyone knows it, even the cat. She acts like she thinks of him as her mate. DH thought he was a cat hater until he married me.

My lab will have been gone for 4 months on Aug 4. The pain of this is so great for me right now, I cannot begin to imagine bringing another dog into the household. Maybe your DH is grieving more than you realize. For me, I don't miss having a dog so much as I miss having my Abby. Getting another dog right now would be the same to me as if DH died and a few months later I decided I missed being married. This isn't true for everyone, but it is for me right now, and perhaps your DH feels somewhat the same way.

Right now I have an 18 month old, and she takes a lot of time and energy, which is just another reason a dog would not fit in right now. At the same time though, she is so sweet with the animals that I feel it's very important for there to be animals in the house for her to relate to. A lot of kids I know who grew up without pets don't have the same appreciation and respect for animals IMO. When DD gets old enough, I will get a couple of rats (really they are just like little dogs, but you can leave them alone for a few days), but those will be my rats that she can love on :^) We have 2 cats right now.

The dog and I were very attached and it was hard on her to leave her for even 1 night- she just did not cope well with being left, even with someone she adored like my mom. As my DD gets older, I don't want to have to worry about the emotional state of the dog when we decide to go on a family vacation; it was fine to deny ourselves adventures before DD, but I want to take her place and show her things. This at least until DD is a teenager, or has gotten to a point when she thinks she's outgrown me and I need a new person to tend to- that may be when another dog comes in.

I agree that you should probably pick a good time and ask (non-confrontationally) why DH isn't interested in having any additional animals. Having lost my pup just as recently, I completely understand, but obviously can't say for sure if it's for the same, or similar, reasons. Don't push though, just be patient and bring it up again later. It isn't unusual to grieve for longer periods of time and men are often terrible at expressing those things.

Otherwise, 4 months really isn't that long and maybe he just needs a break and no new animals for a while. Hopefully this isn't something that lasts, but at least try to respect him- for a little while anyway.

I think his objection was, when we had the dogs, even though we were able to take them camping (we have only done 1 hotel vacation ever), he didnt like being able to just "stop somewhere" on the way home because we had the dog with us, we couldn't bring the dog in the store or restaurant, and we couldn't leave her in the car, etc.

So I figured that we would get a pet that we would not have to take with us.
And we could leave for a day or two unattended. And we could get a sitter for while we were on vacation. Which to me is no big deal. But it is to him for some reason.

He really liked our dog, she was one of the best dogs, and everyone said so. And I do realize that she did not get that way herself, we worked with her and socialized her into being a "great dog". And I don't know if I am ready to jump into a puppy for a while, they are a lot of work. And he does not want to consider an older dog already housebroken, for adoption, like I would.

And yes, he does spring stuff on me all the time. Usually bringing home a motorcycle or a car.

Maybe he will change his tune in a few years.But the kids were raised with those dogs and were raised to be animal lovers. and my son is finally at the age (10) where he could take care of an animal himself. (I took care of my bunnies and parakeet at that age). I am going to drop it for now anyway.

Pets are wonderful but they tie you down. I don't think it is selfish of your DH to want to be pet free for a while. It will not kill your kids (or you) to not have a dog for a few years.

As for rats, hamsters and guineau pigs, IMO they are "nothing" pets -- they require a lot of work so they don't stink and they don't give you much back in way of affection.

Foster. No long term commitment. Companionship while they're in your home. Good opportunity for the kids to learn about helping others and loving something enough to let it go. It could be a family project. When you vacation, move the dog to another foster home for that period. No cost to your family, and a lot of learning experiences.

Cynthia, with foster #22

I heard the same story when my Doberman died. No more dogs. It caused world war III around here one afternoon. I backed off and told him lets talk about this again next spring. He agreed. Next(this past spring) rolls around and I now have a German Shepherd puppy AND am waiting on a Doberman pup from a litter to be bred this coming fall. I think he really knew more about what I needed at the time than I did. A bit of space between the new dog and the one that I loved more than anything.

Lisa

I don't understand why you wouldn't bring your dog on the camping trips. I think your dog would love to go camping with you.

qq -they did, but then could not stop off and see attractions or do other things because they could not leave the dogs in the hot car.

We took our three dogs with us on vacation once. It was okay, but we were really limited on what we could do. We were at a BandB and we did not want to leave them alone in our room, so they went with us if we went out. It was okay in the daytime (January on the shores of Lake Michigan) but we could not go out for dinner because the car would be too cold without the sun. We spend something like $60 a day to kennel them if we go on vacation. Our new dog has not done this yet - and she spent her first 4 or 5 years in a kennel, so she may not like it much if we do go away.

I don't think I would have made it to adulthood without my pets.

Today, petsitters take care of your pets in your home so you can enjoy vacations without worrying about hot cars or kennel cough.

If hubs is adamant, maybe you can find him a good home...

We went through the same thing after our Chelsey girl died at the age of 14. We debated cause "having a dog keeps you tied down, too much to board and hard on the dogs to be boarded, etc.) Well, 7 months later, we ended up with two pups. What happened to the rationale of "being tied down". It went by the wayside of having the love and companionship!

Did we travel more while we didn't have pets? No, still took the one vacation. Have we had one since we got them? No, but we will be taking them on our trip to the mountains in October. At least that is the plan right now.

Your hubby may just want you to wait and I do think it may be a good idea. Just give him time and see what happens. Guinea pigs and hamsters, etc are okay for the kids but you may not find the same companionship from them as you did you dog. Plus they are rather short lived animals, compared to dogs and cats, so you would have to deal with that with your kids.

Men tend to take a hard stance on things like this but give yourselves time and see what happens.

Camping is not the same though. Camping is a tent in the woods. MAYBE an RV. B&B's are not camping, that is lodging.

Vacations can be somewhat challenging to find a hotel that will let you take your dogs then finding stuff you can do with your dogs but if you ask me, that kind of makes it easier to plan an itinerary because you're limited in places you can go.

Thankfully there are petsitters, daycares and places like Petsmart PetsHotel that you can take your dogs while your doing the things they can't do with you. There are also websites like dogfriendly that give you a list of restaurants and places you can go with your dogs. Again, it's somewhat limiting but it does make it easier to plan.

Camping on the other hand, you spend all day in the great outdoors in more or less the same place.

Thanks for all the great responses. I also miss having a dog because I used to go for long walks with her. And as a family, we do a lot of hiking while camping, in which we ALWAYS brought the dog along. That little dachsie did lots of walking - she loved to be in the woods.

BTW: To board in chicagoland is around $40 per day. And having a pet sitter come in is around $20 per day. Doesn't that freak the dog out though - to be left for a week alone and only having someone come in twice/3x a day? I don't know anyone that has used that service - comments anyone who has?

Another problem is: We do not really have a relative that can watch a dog/pet while we are on a longer vacation. My In-laws just get too freaked out by having the dog around, and all our other friends (that I would trust) live in apartments. And my sister has an enormous dog (newfoundland) that I am afraid would hurt a smaller dog.

Yeah - pretty much we camp and just hike and stay around the general camping area. Hang out at the campground, most of which are like resorts and are pet friendly. Although not all, believe it or not, there are a few campgrounds that do not allow pets. Can't see how those work out, since many people that camp, do it SO they can take their furbabies along.

Maybe in a year or two, we can revisit the pet subject again with DH. Thanks for all the suggestions though!

My husband would prefer to not have pets, but I have always had pets. I had pets before he met me and I will always have pets. If he doesn't want pets, then he shouldn't have married me. Its very simple. We had this very discussion before we got married.

I know Joe pye weed is a plant but all this time had assumed you were a male. I guess I still am assuming.

And yes even with campgrounds you have to call and make sure they allow pets

Maybe I am a gay male?

I wasn't thinking about the male implications when I picked the name joepyeweed... I just like the pretty pink flowers, its one of my favorites...

And usually if anyone reads enough of my posts, they may figure out I am female. Sorry for the confusion...

but really many of the names here have no gender associated with them... quirkyquercus could be male or female?

Yes and pennsylvania state parks do not allow them either. So check your destination before you go there with a pet, to double check.

Joepye, I would wait awhile. I have two dogs that I love as though they were my children. Well, they are! But! I can understand your husband not wanting another pet. They really do tie you down. Give it time, making the decision together is what is also important. It doesn't mean your husband doesn't love animals, he just needs some freedom right now. Remember, two kids also tie him down!

I don't know, maybe it's because I see you in the lawn care forum all that time and that's such a manly place. Even though there quite a few females, it's still very manly.
It doesn't matter either way, I was just surprised is all.
And I think you said you lived in Illinois, so I don't think you're a gay male.

I'm a man. I think you probably knew that already.

I assumed you were a man... but I'm never sure...
Though I never considered the lawn care forum manly, either.
I think bpgreen is female?, isn't she? And she is one of the better posters there?

I'm quite amused by the side comments between quirkyquercus & joepyeweed, but will stop chuckling long enough to post my 2 cents.

I can see both sides of the story because I have always have pets, in fact most of the women in my family have all had pets and the men in our lives just accepted it. I look at it as a package deal: if you want me you get my animals too. Now, to play devil's advocate I can also understand the other side: the men have put up with living with animals which is something they never wanted to do. (Of course they never participated in the cleaning up after them,or pet-sitting arrangements while on vacation, so therefore there was no huge impact on their lives, was there?) So if that's your husband's argument against animals, then it's pure bunk. But it sounds like he may be grieveing, and if so that is a totally different story. My dear mother lost her 2 cats earlier this year. They were 18 yrs old and she mourned so badly and was in a deep dark depression that really caught me off guard. She swore no more animals, and even talked about selling her horse. I gently tried to approach the subject with her but she cut me off every time and insisted her mind was made up. It took a visit to my home with my new kitten and young pup who are both totally adorable and extremely well-trained...okay, the well-trained part applies to the dog only. We spent lots of time playing with the kitten who lives to give kisses, and lots of hiking with the dog who is exremely playful yet obedient, and she was hooked. The following week she adopted 2 kitties. So maybe your husband needs time to deal with his grief in his own way. I'd say give it at least 6 months, maybe a year so that he can live life without a dog for four full seasons. Take advantage of the time to do things you can't do with a dog. At the end of the year, you both will decide that having a dog can be either a really good thing, or a hindrance to your lifestlye. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Oh, and BTW, QQ I've been posting on the pets forum for such a short time but I could still tell that you were definitely a man! LOL.:o)

Two things: first, I think you need a cat - they can be low maintenance and can be left at home during vacation. More importantly, one would be more interactive for the kids.
Second - you need to learn the fine art of bartering. Seriously, what do you have that he wants? I have four cats and I can tell you he said no to both number three and four. I've been married for almost 20 years and I can still pull something out of my hat to offer him. Last week I wanted a new rug, so I sent him a text message presenting my offer, and it was immediately accepted.

It also keeps the marriage fun!

DH is highly allergic to cats. We used to have two (indoor only) and did leave them on weekends like you suggest - with a radio on and plenty of food and water. He did put up with his allergies while we had them, but he really should not be indoors with them. We have an outdoor "neighborhood" cat that visits us and the rest of the neighbors.

I think I will bring the subject of a dog again (which is the pet I really want), next year again. And I will say that we will board the dog when we go on our long vacations if we can't find a relative to take it for us. I just found a highly recommended kennel nearby that is not too expensive. He may acquiesce.

Thanks for the suggestions.