To Balthus, I am on FemHRT since Feb 2001 and have got along very well. I have no periods since being on FemHRT. I am 48 years old. No children as well, two benign cysts (some of those that come and go) in one breast, the other has calcifications. Basically all HRT's are trial and error. What might work for me, might not for you. My nerves are better. My sex life is better. I don't sleep well though, haven't in ages. Still have hot sweats, but not really bad. You've accomplished a lot by quitting smoking, exercising, cutting out alcohol, lowering your cholesterol. I'm sorry you are having a hard time finding employment. I feel that a lot of your symptoms are due to menopause, but a lot are due to your situation. I'll be praying for you. I found prayer helps a lot of things. It has helped to save my marriage during the difficult time when I was on OrthoPrefest which about drove me crazy with nerves and constant bleeding. The FemHRT has been good. A lot of people say don't go on hormones, but I am on the low end of normal with my bone density and a specialist in the bone density area told me to go on HRT. So good luck. This is a good site. You can read how others have gotten along on certain medications and also know that you aren't alone in all the symptoms whether they've been through hard times with finances or not.

Visit is still going well... MIL did bring up exey in one conversation... We were talking about bad plane rides and she referenced a flight home after coming out here to help exey out with the kids. It bothered me....but I let it drop. I feel more secure with things I guess.... I also know that it was just a casual conversation. She wanted to relay a bad experience on a plane, but had to explain why she was on it in the first place! It's forgotten. I can't be sensitive about everything... It's interesting to see where everything took off in this thread. I'm liking the discussion... :) I've been thinking about Brit's ? to Bill... and trying from my own perspective to describe why I have so much trouble with exey. It's just a territorial thing I guess. It's not easy being the second one for everything. And women haven't been trained to accept being number two....I was taught to never settle for second best....that's in my blood, so I fight to be on top. I was an only child....and I'm used to having everything be for me. I've learned the hard way. But, I also think it's in the man you are with. If you feel insecure and you have a good man who stands by you and assures you that you have nothing to feel protective of, then it will keep the calm that needs to be there. I know whenever I have felt territorial or threatened, D has always assured me of his love and that this is OUR life...and no one or nothing will interfere with that etc. Women are taught to protect what they have and to view it as something they need to hold on to... Men, don't worry as much about that. Outside influences don't have an impact on how they think or feel... They usually don't care what other people think... I take my SD to school every morning... She's 4 and still in preschool!!! You should see the way these girls relate to one another. She is being taught at an early age that the opinion of her girlfriends is what matters. She told me the other day she didn't want to wear her yellow jacket because one of the other girls said it wasn't pretty enough! HAH! If I so much as say hello to one of the girls in her class, or kiss her brother...instead of her, she gets jealous and protective. And she's 4! Everywhere women turn we are constantly measured up to other women...we even measure ourselves up to other women...so why wouldn't we feel threatened and/or sensitive about an ex-wife who many of us live under the shadow of!!!!!!!! I would like to find the strength to forget about it....to let her go. I think it is just something that only time can do. I also believe that once we are married, there will be a greater sense of security there. However, I'm working on getting there before we get married. I've got one year to go...I think I can do it. One other thing that was said, was the whole housekeeping thing....and how we are strict with the kids and keep them in line etc. I'm often concerned about that. I guess as a BIO-parent you have an inability to risk being hated by your children for even one moment. I also think that today, BIO parents feel guilty when they work around the clock and/or are tired and may not have the full attention span for the kids. They tend to let go of that sense of order out of guilt and turn it in for some chaos and loose manners. Bio-parents that are divorced carry that guilt as well as the guilt of breaking up the family, so they loosen up completely until the step-parent enters the scene. I just get concerned because I always have to feel like the heavy. And it's weird, it seems the children respect me more than their own parents. The three of us can be in a room and they listen to me and not their parents... It's hysterical! Many other step-mother's I know have said this as well.... It's just the way it is. I know one woman who says that she loves her husband, and accepts his children, but refuses to have kid fingerprints on any object in her home! When the children smudge a mirror or put their hands all over things, she flips. MIL tells me about her daughter's ex's new wife... The children come up to her and say, "may I have a cookie please." She gives him the cookie, he says, "thank you." Two hours later, they are back at his Mom's....he goes into the cabinet, takes out a box of Oreos and proceeds to eat 10 of them right before dinner. His Mother didn't even flinch....she took the box away leaving him 4 more!!!!!!! Clearly, the step-mother has more common sense here... But the step-mother has more of an ability to do the right thing, the mother just wants to please the child. I wonder what it really is that makes the step-mother make it a point to discipline and provide structure, while the Bio-MOM is so loose and carefree? Maybe it is because step-mothers give up the kids when they go back and feel a loss of control and in an effort to make up for it, they tighten the reigns. They need to show they have a say....they are important, and they do it better! I think I am guilty of that, yet at the same time, I'm helping them. I take the boy to T-ball, the other kids cannot focus, climb fences and take everything as a joke, while my boy is standing there paying attention to every detail....getting the most that he can from the experience. I have strict rules in this house...I hate when my kids hold their hands out for food. I tell them, "you're not beggars....wait." Their Mother thinks it's funny... I think it's rude and impatient. I am impatient with SD when she cannot sit at the table without spilling anything...sure she's a kid, but she needs to learn how to sit still... Her mother thinks it's funny. I don't know where I am going with this....but I am trying to say that to step-parents certain things just matter. And yes, when I go places people who don't know us assume I'm their Mother....and I don't want anyone to think I'm not a good one! I won't take SD anywhere with a stain on her shirt.... that's probably really nit-picky of me...but I don't want it to be a poor reflection of myself as a parent. I bet no one even notices....actually, they probably look and wonder how the hell I had two kids and look so young! I know I am rambeling here and what do I really know....but how people view me is really important to me....maybe it shouldn't be, but it is. It's also the values that I was raised with. Obviously since D is not with the ex anymore, it can be assumed that she was not his type... And that since he is with me, she and I are nothing alike. She and I are night and day....very different women in every way imaginable. We do not have the same values. My values and her's clash when it comes to the children. SD is taught that girls can be boys too... As far as equality is concerned, I agree... and if she wants to play baseball, I support that....BUT, I believe she needs to be taught poise and how to be a little lady and not sit with her legs open. Mommy does not think so. She doesn't discourage that I want to teach her little girl that.....but when I see that SD is not getting the values I believe are important, it BOTHERS ME. Please and thank you and not get that or I want that now, please! When people are talking, it's "please do not interrupt and wait until we are done talking, not, "yes sweetie, what can I get you." I know it's a values thing when I take the kids home to my Mother's for a visit and see that she is on them for the very same things. And I love when my kids look at me as if to say, "Now I understand why you get on me about that, it's because your Mom did and you think that is the right way etc." And it never fails, after we leave, the kids remember it and it becomes a part of them. I wish my Mom was around here more often. You may be wondering where D (fiance) fits in with all of this. We have the exact same values and ideals. We parent the same way... I'm a bit harder on the kids.....but we're simpatico. His ex-wife, however disagrees with our way. She thinks we need to loosen up..we think she needs to get tougher. Our therapist says this is often the way it is. When two people divorce because of their differences, the differences don't go away, they actually increase!!!!!!!! Okay Okay.... I need to stop rambeling here... I'm so sorry... I'm just finding this forum to be a huge release these days....

I hope no one objects if I weigh in on this discussion. This is my first time on this particular subject. Being a stepmom for 22 years it just caught my attention. Susan, I will tell you what worked for me but I realize you would have to have your husbands support for it to work for you. We each have 3 children. My children were self sufficient ~ his were constantly wanting/needing something and consequently he stayed broke. I explained to him that if we were going to give to one, we were going to give to all six and that would leave us in a bad situation. He agreed with this. His children didn't like me very much when they realized their money source was cut off. However they became more confident and in time realized I was the best thing that had happened to them. They all respect and love me and none of them would want to get rid of me now. On the rare occasion they really needed help they got it but they knew not to push their luck. If your husband won't stop being an enabler maybe you should try another strategy. Would it hurt your finances to give to two sons? You would have to get your son's help with this. Everytime the SS needs something pretend your son needs something also. Take the money and put it in an account for you. Who knows you may need it later. Should this cause the finances to suffer then let your DH figure out what to do about it. Maybe he could work some overtime? You see where I'm going with this? It's not too bad to give to one but when it's two it starts to hurt. I totally understand how it is to work with an autoimmune disease. I had to give up my job because of fibromyalgia. I hope you can find a workable solution to your problem. You definitely need support while you're finding an answer. Gayle

Sorry but this seems like another finding that's disconnected, the result of an internet word search that finds words but not necessarily relevance. This search result similarly doesn't appear to present information to enlighten what was being discussed. The first image is what everyone knows, the continuing annual exodus from the Midwest (that's been going on for decades) and from the Northeast. Gains in the West and South. And so then what? The line drawing simply shows changes in rankings of fast growing "metro statistical" areas. Again, how does this relate? The analysis in the linked piece with "city vs suburb" graphs with dots seems flawed. I note the absence of major urban areas mentioned but I see such megalopolises as Merced and Madera California (said with obvious sarcasm), both with populations under 100K, appear. As do many other "cities". Most of the dots are in the upper right quadrant, gains in both "city" and "suburb". And so what then? An apparent flaw in the Freddie Mac analysis is that I suspect its data for separating metro statistical areas into city versus suburb locations hinges on whether address are within or without the boundaries of an incorporated city. In very many cities, I can think of Los Angeles and Phoenix as immediate examples but even in New York City, vast stretches of residential neighborhoods exist within city limits. Urban because they're within city limits, not urban because they're visually and physically indistinguishable from areas even nearby or across the street that are considered as suburbs because they're in a different political districts the analysis would consider as suburban. Details are mentioned just as a "for example", I don't see the connection to the discussion earlier on. Which, of course, doesn't matter.