Phal. Lone Star Fantasia (Phal. Salu Spot x Phal. Ho's French Fantasia) amabilis 16.9 lueddemanniana 16.0 aphrodite 14.8 schilleriana 13.9 amboinensis 12.5 rimestadiana 11.8 stuartiana 6.4 gigantea 6.3 sanderiana 1.0 equestris 0.3 I grew this one a while ago, and really enjoyed it. Too bad you can't get to your OrchidWiz, there's a couple good photos. I think of this as a "French Spot" type, and though oak Hill says white w/ pink spots, mine was more cream background with heavy dark pink spotting, almost tesselated. Really very attractive. Unfortunately, the other two (Merlot Mist and Arianna) are not registered names. I checked on OrchidWiz, and on RHS site. Perhaps Oak Hill can give you the cross... Hope this helps! Jeanne

It is human to have the feelings your having. Not having anyone left in the family is a very sad feeling. My dad lost his brother in 2006, dad wasn't doing well himself and it was in the winter when my uncle past, so dad didn't go to the funeral. They lived next door to each other and cared for each other. My uncle past suddenly with no signs of being ill. My dad felt guilty and I'd tell him there was nothing he could have done. After my uncles passing I have been the only care giver to my dad. The first two years wasn't to bad. I would go over to his home, do all his errands make doctor appointments and sometimes he'd need to go to the ER for one thing or another, but mostly his heart. Last Sept. he had congestive heart failure and had to have a pace maker put in. I knew he would be able to care for himself alone and I cannot care for him by myself. I knew I would need outside help. Dad was taking his medicines the way he seen fit not how they are suppose to be taken and he would not listen to me no matter how many times I talked to him about it. I had to place him into a nursing home and it has been the worst thing I've had to go through. I only have two kids and two grand kids, they are busy living their own life. I don't see them nearly as much as I would like to but it is what it is. You did everything you could, what your feeling is normal and you would benefit going to meeting for grieving both your mom and brother.

I'm going to respectfully disagree with the statement that you are a mismatch. There are too many questions here to assume that dreadful conclusion... I've been there, and I know that such things can be resolved. Questions you don't have to answer out loud: Is there any point in your relationship where you have had a stronger sex drive? Have you ever initiated sex? Do you find yourself attracted to other people? Does anything get your libido going? you mentioned that he works and wants (clearly) for you to stay home. Your mention of that preceeding stating the problem leads me to wonder what you believe or how you feel about that. Sometimes when we have the impression that someone else is going to do it all for us, it takes the responsibility off of us to "make" it happen, including your own pleasure. May seem odd, but it's true. If your husband were to come to you and say, I'm not going to expect, want or initiate sex any more. It's all in your court now... My guess is that you would see him in a new light, you would no longer feel manipulated (He's not necessarily manipulating you now but you "feel" that way on your dates) and you would begin to discover your own sexuality. Not having an orgasm can make sex complicated - know that this is not totally abnormal, and it IS solveable. It has everything to do with intimacy, trust, control issues, etc-all things you can take charge of and change in your life. Sexual satisfaction is all in your head - and you have more control over what goes up there than anything. Sounds like you have a keeper - work on this one together, have lots of conversations about it. It can be solved!

chocolatebunny, I think that we can get caught up in the manias of the day, in our case, the photos in mags and online that show these terrifically exciting (and expensive?) tile backsplashes. If it's any consolation, tile in the middle class and working class kitchen between countertop and upper cupboards is a rather new phenonmenon, in the greater scheme of things; for example, my 1970s kitchen had washable faux natural linen vinyl wallpaper which was applied to all exposed walls and which I would gladly reuse if I could. Because of images in mags, etc. I considered a daring red 9-inch square tile 'way back then because it was an intriguing new idea, but I decided against it. Too much money to invest in such an intense commitment to a design style, even for use just behind the range. I was a young schoolteacher in a very ordinary tract house built 20 years earlier--aspiring middle class. Although I still look back with fondness at myself at that time and wax poetic about that red, I made a good decision. My point is that I agree with you. We are pushed about and given guilt for stupid reasons. What's wrong with a quiet, gentle place for us to unwind, cook, and finish our day? As our new kitchen backsplash, we will probably put the same (dealer garage sale) tile we put in our lobby area--I have come to realize that it is roughly the same color combos as our old wallpaper but in a different texture and configuration as the linen pattern. I spent an afternoon in the wallpaper shop and gave up--too expensive! My tile is 13 x 13 and not at all dramatic. Our most creative question is how to line up the tiles--staggered, diamond, big one in center with pieces above and below, or something else. I've looked and looked and lived in this kitchen in my imagination with various backsplash materials including a really dramatic faux red marble tile 2 x 3 with gold glitter in it, but I couldn't commit to them. This one pleases DH and will be very neutral and cozy. I love your phrase "I am looking for some peace in my kitchen." I also like the idea of using real artworks as a foil for the plain backgrounds of a room. Give yourself permission to haul in something dramatic that isn't permanently attached to the wall. You can look away to rest your eyes.