It started, like with so many other people, earlier in the season when I was addressing cards and looked at the address book with lines drawn through names. That is likely a good ritual for a person to go through because it brings back moments of reflection on family and friendships past. I think those who have gone before us would want to think they're remembered over special occasions, no? I sat at my kitchen window the day before Christmas and the tears flowed softly down my cheeks, until my eyes became so blurred I couldn't see. It seemed like somebody had kicked me hard in the gut, because I could feel it go into knots. Then the moment was over and I went on with trying to make the holiday joyful for those of us who are still together. After my father died, nearly fourteen years ago, we dug out his strongbox labeled to open after his death. In it we found all the necessary documents my mother would need to wade through the settlement of his estate and deal with his pensions and annuities. They were even made out as far as he could fill in the details, right down to the addresses on the envelopes. All she had to do was to sign them.place a stamp on them, and post them. There were phone numbers written down to the offices where help was available to her if she needed it, since his career was with the government. It was a totally selfless act of a person who loved his family more than anything, and wanted to ease their pain. I know in my heart what he wanted for us was to remember him without sorrow. I know, as a parent, that I'd want my children to not grieve but rejoice in the love I left as my legacy to them. It helps tremendously sometimes to hold that thought.

Look in the phone book, papers, contact medical center YMCA etc for grief support groups. There are many resourses avaiable. Many of these are quite resonable and or free. If you have other relatives this will help. Start a journal to write memories

My Mom passed in June 03 and my Dad just this past Feb 04. There house is next to mine. I remember putting the house up for sale and how sad that was. I have 1 brother in AZ but after my Dads funeral he went home. So we sold the house and now I had to face it, clean it out,keep or throw,donate blah blah blah. I did keep pretty much and had to rent a locker. It's so hard to get rid of their thing's and you want to hold on to everything they had. But in real life people have different tastes and we don't have room for 2 houses worth of stuff. So I kept what I would use and memory thing's. What I did learn is not to make rash decsions and just throw away something you might regret later. When it comes down to it, it's all memory stuff because they had it. I have not looked at much I kept since I put thing's away but I will soon as I will never use all the thing's I kept. You need to take care of you as well. I know it's hard but relax when you get the chance. Trust me we had a dead line as well and I didn't think we would make it but we did. I will not tell you it gets eaiser but it does get different. There is not a half day that goes by I don't miss and think of my parents. I miss them so much and I still cry when I have to. Grief is just another word for love...:) I hope you have better days to come.. Marie

Thanks for allthe Happy Mother's Dsy wishes. We wound up having a nice one despite all teh BM drama. Organic- As far as BF bailing her out. The man IS a total abusive A-hole but in this case I don't think he had the resources. He nor BM are working. They live in a cruddy travel trailer without electricity behind the mothers house. Niether of them have vehicles and they barely have food. I think it really was a monetary issue. As far as BF's mother, I think she dislikes BM because even though her sons a total jerk he is still her baby and she knows BM is no good for him. Obviously he has issues of his own without being around another issue ridden person. Plus I think BM gave him Hepatitus which I am sure pissed her off even though it was equally her son's fault. Parents tend to see no wrong in their own children. BM could of been plundering for stuff to steal and sell as well. BM has done this to her own mother countless times which is partially why her own mom can't let her daughter live in her home. BM's mom won't bail her out because #1 they don't have the money to do it AGAIN and #2 there would be no where for BM to stay so her best bet is to stay where she can get in the least amount of trouble. Sadly that place is jail. She has burned all of her bridges and is to a point where she has no body to fall back on. Keep in mind also we have only heard BM's side of the story. If we could talk to BF's mother I'm sure there would be a few details that BM "Forgot" to mention. lovehadly- You are totally right about the enabling thing. There has always been someone willing to go out on a limb and get her out of whatever jam she got herself in. Now that those people have all wised up she's out of resources. She is having to deal with the consequences of her actions. She road the fence without any kindof record for YEARS! Now it's all catching up to her at once. Sucks for her but it will really help J in court now that there are strikes on her record. When she finally fell off the truck it ran her over backed up and ran her over again. KKNY- Thanks for the heads up on the foxglove. I wonder if J realized this? I'll tell the girls not to even touch it when I get home. Sweeby- I think you are right that BM is so far gone that she is just not capable of making good choices. She has completely gone off her rocker. She seems at this point to be doing the total opposite of what she should do in every situation. Bm's mother said that BM had made the comment that"when this all over with she is leaving Flroida and never going back." I had to sortof bust grandmas bubble and tell her BM won't be able to leave state with two felonies under her belt. If she doeesn't wind up doing time she will have a parol officer asigned to her in Florida and at the very least will have some hefty communitiy service to do before she can return to Georgia. Bm won't be able to run away from this. Her court date for the drug related felony was yesterday and I'm really curious how it turned out. To be 100% honest J and I do not want her back in Georgia. We both think she will continue to screw up if she moves back. It will just be in our backyard instead of four hours away. We have kindof liked not worrying about any of the crap showing up at our front door. There was no way for her to show up high banging on the door when she lived four hours away with out transportation. That has been nice. If she won't go into a rehab program we would prefer her to get locked up. Sounds harsh but it would be the best thing for HER and everyone else. Maybe she could dry out in prison. Who knows.