An excellent post Silversword -- And very true. How about a few word pictures from the other side: Mr. Cheerleader He applauds your successes with genuine happiness, and knows that a win for you is a win for the two of you. You're on the same team, so your victories are his victories as well (though he'd never claim the credit - you did it), and cause for genuine celebration. He's proud of what you accomplish, and has faith in your abilities, and has no illusions that your strength is his weakness. You find yourself doing more, taking more risks, and feeling more confident because you know he supports you. The Accepter He knows you're not perfect, but loves you the way you are, quirks and all. When confronted with one of your mistakes, he forgives you easily because he recognizes he's not perfect either (and he can tell you where). So you can actually feel safe and comfortable admitting your imperfections and confessing your mistakes because you know his love for you is not conditional. If for once in your life, you spent $300 on a pair of red shoes (and that $300 won't mean the mortgage is late), he'll smile and say "Those must be some shoes! Let's see them." And you'll love him all the more for his acceptance and vow to only buy $300 shoes when they're that special. Mr. Curious He wants to know about your day, your friends, your job, your past -- not because he doesn't trust you, but because he wants to really know you. He wants to know what events shaped you into the wonderful person you are, to understand your perspectives, your values, your world view. He understands that what happened before you met is no threat to your relationship and what you do on your time away from him is rightfully your own choice. He wants you to have fun when you're not together, and wants to hear all about it when you get home. Mr. Other Side He doesn't always agree with you, but he does always agree that you have a right to your own viewpoint, and he'll take the time and make the effort to find out what it is. When you disagree, he won't immediately stomp off or resort to name-calling or other insults. He'll try to find out why you feel the way you do. If you feel strongly about something and he doesn't, that in itself is sometimes enough to decide the issue, assuming you afford him the same courtesy sometimes. He may end up thinking you're crazy on a certain point, but he'll never start there! ;-) Mr. Math Not. He does not keep score. If it's 'your turn' to cook dinner and you've had really a hard day, he'll either jump in and do it or suggest eating out. When the baby cries in the middle of the night or the toddler gets out of bed for the umpteenth time, he'll take a turn. When you jump in and do something for him, he'll see it and thank you for your thoughtfulness. He doesn't waste his mental or emotional energies keeping track of who does more for the relationship. He genuinely wants to do his fair share, and perhaps a bit more, just to make you happy. Mr. Charming OK, maybe not in an obvious way. There may be a spare tire or a shiny spot on top, or he may stumble for words -- but you can learn to spot him by the way he treats others. He genuinely likes his mother and sisters and says so. With very few exceptions, he speaks well of his co-workers and former girlfriends, and his friends speak well of him. He's kind and polite to store clerks, waiters, other drivers and subway passengers. These guys exist too, and it's worth our time to find them!

Interesting thoughts -- we could all improve on paperwork storage in our homes. Two things I think I'm doing well that differ from the above mentioned Script, and someone else might find some ideas in my methods: Taxes. Yes, like Script, I am scrupulous about maintaining records for my taxes. About a dozen years ago I went to the office supply and bought two big boxes of BRIGHT GREEN folders (green like money). I labeled them Taxes 2000 ... Taxes 2001 ... Taxes 2002 ... Taxes 2003 ... and so on. Given my family's typical lifespan, I made enough green folders to take me to age 110 -- probably more than I'll need, but I'm ready! They're all stored in my file cabinet, taking up very little space. Now when I receive anything tax-related -- a charitable receipt, an end-of-the-year bank statement, whatever -- I have a place to file it. In April, I have a place to file a copy of my taxes, and I can go back and see previous tax years. For the rest of my life, this system is in place. Death folder. Ours is a notebook. Two identical notebooks, actually, since we have two children. Our girls are young adults now, but they've never dealt with an estate -- even if they don't open it 'til they're old, it'll be useful to them. It contains a lot of stuff: - A personal letter to the two of them - A list of our wishes about funeral and items we'd like donated to various family members or charities - A list of things they must do immediately; it starts with going to our house and taking possession of the dog, but it also includes small details like canceling our voting registration and destroying any medicines in the house. At every turn this list includes addresses and phone numbers, including the lawyer we suggest for probate, the funeral home our family's always used, and family members who should be contacted. - A copy our will; they know what's in it -- everything split between the two of them - A list of our financial assets -- bank accounts, investments, insurance, deeds/maps of real estate ... when our youngest became a legal adult, we made the two girls co-beneficiaries of every account; note that this was done before either was married, so our two kids -- not future son-in-laws -- will own these items. - A list of the bills we pay each month -- electricity, phone, even the guy who cuts our grass. - Official copies of our birth certificates, our marriage certificates, and the girls' birth certificates -- they might not be needed, but the girls won't have to scramble to find them - A flashdrive with all of the above in digital format plus photographs that might be useful in putting together the funeral Our rule: We keep two years of tax returns in the notebooks ... the reason being that someday an accountant will file our final estate tax return, and he or she will want our last two years of returns -- so every April we pull out the notebook, discard one old return and insert the newest ... so our rule is that every April we look over the notebook and update anything that's changed. For example, last year we changed bank accounts, and someday we hope to add items concerning grandchildren to the book. Our girls know that the notebooks are stored in the safe, and they know where the key to the safe is hidden, and they know it's labeled with a misleading name so that a thief wouldn't look at it twice. Last thought on this notebook: Though this project took us the better part of a year --- we kept remembering one more thing, one more thing that really should be included -- we didn't find it difficult emotionally. I suspect that if we were older and/or one of us were in poor health, it might've been different.

Ha ha....love the ice skating costumes...brought me back....my DD skated for 11 years and there is a market for these. There is a training rink in Aston...mostly ice dancing I think (my niece trained there) and these are definitely ice dance dresses, which you can tell from the length...longer than what a single or pairs skater would wear...I strongly suspect these are from Aston ice dancers as they have produced numerous teams that have gone to nationals.

TIA, It's true about a situation being 95% of what we make of it and that's why I suggest you make the situation 95% to suit you! Stop trying to please SS! He does not want to be pleased & he will never like you. He's all about punishing you. Your the adult so take charge. Since SS is treating your home like an hotel and treating you worse than a slave servant. Tell your H the situation is causing unhappiness for you all & ask him to accommodate & visit with his son separately. or Hire a full time cleaning woman when SS is by you & have her also order takeout for him. She's to do only cleaning & takeout meal ordering. Absolutely NO cooking. No exceptions! Totally ignore SS. If none of the above is an option for you, I suggest you STOP catering to SS whims & STOP cleaning up after SS. Leave the mess as is and totally ignore him. If H complains about the mess. Offer to call in a cleaning woman to clean up the mess. Absolutely refuse to clean & or do anything for for SS. SS has made it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR that he does not want to be part of you & H's family. You can also tell H that while you understand that by marrying H, SS is part of the "package", BUT being mistreated & disrespected is NOT part of the "package"! Hopefully this helps. If not, you may have to walk away, because when a husband refuses to protect his own wife from mistreatment & or abuse, this sort of thing doesn't improve it just gets worse & WORSE!