Check with your local humane society--they often sponsor free/low cost spaying and neutering clinics. As caavonldy said, get ALL the cats spayed or neutered, and continue with their shots. Let the kittens outdoors with their mother when they are about 8 weeks old. Bring them in at night or when their mother comes in. As they get older, you can let them stay in a secure spot (perhaps in the barn) overnight. You will probably lose a cat or two. The kittens will be intimidated by most full-grown chickens. However, I would not trust a grown cat around chickens. Barn cats are wonderful for keeping down rodents and scaring away small predators (possums, etc.). Some cats hunt, some don't, but their presence in a barn or outbuilding will deter some rodents/predators.

You bring up an excellent point. One of my biggest issues in planning is not having the experience of knowing what a mature plant will look like, I can't plan with pictures. So I am buying and planting plants sort of 'willy nilly' until I can see what they are like when they mature. At that point I will arrange my gardens the way I want. I never thought of moving them in the fall when I either can see what they look like or for that matter remember. On that note I am going to head out and divide my prized trollius. Thanks SCG

Definitely...get out. Don't waste any more of your precious life with this man, and get your son out of a situation that he very well might repeat when he marries. Not necessarily the alcoholism, but how he thinks relationships should be. Not to mention the obvious effects things are having on him right now. Two suggestions: 1. Find an Al-Anon meeting in your area and GO. Even if you don't like the first meeting, GO again. Attend at least 4 or more meetings, you will get something out of them. 2. Get one or both of Patricia Evan's books: The Verbally Abusive Relationship and Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out. If they don't have them at a bookstore near you, you can get them on Amazon. When I read them, it was as if *my* marriage was being described. Here is her website. Your line: "When I try to explain to him how I feel, he either ignores me or gives me all of the reasons why it is wrong for me to feel that way." is SO typical of what abusers to to their victims, telling them how to feel, and that their perceptions are wrong. They also have a great talent for twisting things around so the issue at hand is YOUR fault. I wasted 10 years of my life hoping/thinking my soon to be ex would change. Never happened, because they DON'T CHANGE. They enjoy what they do, and it works for them. He's now got his sights on wife #3, who I'm sure will also divorce him. I would love to warn this poor woman, but I know she won't listen. He is SO charming and wonderful at first. Don't let your parents or anyone else influence you. YOU are the one living this! YOU are the one suffering. YOUR SON is suffering. I am pretty sure your husband doesn't treat anyone else like he treats you. Everyone else thinks he's a great guy, right? Finally, please re-read your post. In the first two paragraphs you describe what is really an intolerable, unhealthy and dangersous situation. In the last paragraph, you make excuses for him and actually blame yourself somewhat. Really, you do. Please recognize that none of this is your fault. He CHOOSES to be this way, and if you don't think so, consider that he only treats *you* badly, not anyone else. So he can absolutely control his behavior, he simply chooses not to. And you do not OWE him anything because you are a SAHM. Don't ever let anyone (including yourself) think that way. Please seek some help. Go to Al Anon. Read some books on Domestic Violence. Call a local women's shelter to get information on resources in your area. Look at the NDVH website. Just because he hasn't actually hit you makes no difference. He is abusing you emotionally, and in most cases, this will escalate to physical. Besides that, most agree that verbal and emotional abuse is much worse than physical. Finally, use another computer for this. If he has access, he can see what you have been doing, including websites and email. He can easily install a Keylogger, which will record everything you do, and they are undetectable. That might sound alarmist, but better safe than sorry. If you can't use a friend's computer, your local library has them. Good luck to you, and never forget, HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

I feel for you for the situation you are in. Blended families are rarely easy (shucks, even biological families are complex). May I suggest that you try to take a step back, and assess the situation for what it is. What makes you happy in the relationship? What makes you unhappy? Are you and your partner willing to work through the issues (kids grow and leave). What do you really want....make sure your basic needs are being met. All relationships go through hard times, no pressure, no diamonds. I try to see the good...after all, its the good times that led you to where you are. If the situation seems unresolveable over the long-term, you have a decision to make. Only you have the key to that decision. We are on here to support you regardless!Please note, I have been on here long enough to see a pattern of toxic users. Try not to take to heart what sylviatexas or EmmaR offer for advice. I believe they are genuine, but they appear to be man-haters that only see black and white. Take it at face value, they often have good points. Just know we all don't see things that way, there's a million shades of gray :)Good luck, follow your heart.:) Bess (they may hate message or slam me for my comment - I understand, they have every right to be honest, as do I. Follow your heart)