Inviting a guest to lunch

13 years ago

A lady who used to be married to my cousin but divorced years ago is still somewhat close to the family because of the son they had together. Mom and I met her at a store the other day and she asked us to have lunch together next week since we hardly ever get to talk. We said of course. Would I be out of line to email her and ask if a third relative could come along? an Aunt? my Mom's sister. She lives nearby and we talk every day and I drive her to appts,ect. She is also friendly with this lady. I will feel a little strange if Mom and I go to lunch and never bring this up in conversation with my Aunt.

If you were the lady, would you take offense being put on the spot like that? Because she'd have to say yes more or less. I'm thinking she just never thought to ask the aunt.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (11)

YogaLady1948
13 years ago
If you truely are all friendly, ask;)
sushipup1
13 years ago
Recalling a recent discussion here on "who pays?", be sure that she wasn't intending to treat you to lunch!
Related Discussions
To invite or not invite strange relative?
Q
Comments (11)
I wouldn't exclude her either. Like gellchom said, consider the 85 yr old father's feelings. It does sound like she's in a depression, or maybe bipolar. There's a big difference in BEING depressed and being IN a depression. Plus the fact that you all know how she's like anyways. So take her "outbursts" with a grain of salt. IMO, just being invited would mean so much to her and the father. If she doesn't show up, then that's her decision. She is FAMILY! There's nothing worst that feeling totally abandoned by your own family, especially when you are not yourself or are in need of family support... even though you won't tell any of them. My BIL is bipolar and in denial, been several years. We've experienced many "outbursts", etc. There came a point where the family didn't want anything to do with him. He got so depressed and "pushed" everyone away from him by getting mad at them or getting them mad at him. It was his way of thinking that when he killed himself, it would be easier for the family if they totally disowned him. Well, it didn't work. My DH called the police with his suspensions of suicide. They showed up just in time! Now, the family makes a point in including him in the family either by dropping in now and then (his house and yard is a total pig sty!), or by calling him. They just "touch" base.
...See More
Welcome lunch for ladies
Q
Comments (9)
It's nice of you to do this for your new neighbor, and I think it's a good idea to float the idea with her first. How much advance notice is appropriate? A couple of weeks is more than enough, I think. Do I have to check with everyone's schedule before finalizing a date? I wouldn't, with more than 3 or 4 people. It will probably be impossible to find a date that EVERYONE can make; so be it. Just pick a date that works for the guest of honor and perhaps the woman you most want her to meet, and just go with that. What would be an appropriate start time? Noon or earlier? It doesn't matter. I'd start at 12 or 1 to give myself more time to get ready. But if for some reason you want to start earlier, say, 11:30, call it brunch. Do I specify a end-of-party time on an invitation? No. I know invited friends will ask what they can bring, but I like to have complete menu control. I want to be generous, and I want the food to be Just So, as in My Way. What do I politely say to gals who offer to bring something? DON'T say anything about "just so" or "my way," which suggests that you think they would bring unworthy offerings. I would say, "Not this time, thanks -- but thanks for offering." I have found that people seem to understand when I put it like that and send a written invitation. If someone drives you crazy insisting, ask her to bring ice or borrow her coffee pot or something. Should I end with coffee as well? I would always offer coffee with lunch, but perhaps you could get away with iced tea instead. What does your group usually do? Are there dietary restrictions I need to accommodate? If you are asking whether you have to plan a kosher, vegan, salt-free, nut-free, wheat-free, sugar-free, no-carb, lo-fat meal just in case someone MIGHT have a problem -- no, you don't! I would probably ask the guest of honor if she has any restrictions, but after that I wouldn't worry about it. People will just skip the things they can't have for religious, health, or ethical reasons. Don't watch what people eat so you won't feel bad when you see someone not eating one or another thing; it's inevitable, so just don't look and then it won't bother you. But it's too large a group to try to plan a menu that will suit everyone, so don't ask everyone. Have a nice party.
...See More
Unexpected Lunch Guest--What to Serve?
Q
Comments (29)
I like them too. We had some nest on the back of the farm several years ago, they completely demolished a sweet corn patch. We gave up the corn for the fun of watching the little birds hatch and grow. it's my understanding that they are legal to hunt in some states, I guess there are big populations in some spots. I have a friend who calls them "ribeye of the sky". He was amazed that we had such fun watching them. There are quite a few of them in southern Michigan by Elery's, there's even a winery called "Sandhill Crane Vineyards". We went to Lowe's one day for paint and there were a couple standing right under a tree in the parking lot, just watching people come and go, so I'm thinking they're either curious or not so smart. (grin) Cathy, I'm glad I'm not the only one who moves turtles. The girls used to call it "turtle patrol". We'd be driving along and I'd pull over and yell "turtle patrol". The girls would bail out and (while watching for traffic) move the turtle. I was told by a DNR officer to always put them on the side of the road in the direction they were heading or they'd just turn around and go right back. I don't know if that's true or not, but we always did/do. Yeah, Elery thinks I'm nuts, sometimes. Maybe most times. Annie
...See More
Bridal luncheon - who to invite?
Q
Comments (9)
There have been several showers already, and at the last one I was invited to, I was told at the end that the bridesmaids and others were supposed to "put in" for the shower. "Oh, and your share is $65.00". This was at a person's home, just a few homemade sweets and some drinks. I was speechless, but apparently that is how that group does these things, so I smiled and wrote a check for both me and another bridesmaid who didn't have that much cash with her. I think it's awful to ask guests to pay for their share of things, but on the other hand I can't afford to pay for a big day out for a bunch of additional people. The bride is so stressed out right now, I wouldn't want her to have to put together a guest list for her spa day. But I do feel like we're stealing her away from her wedding guests. A lot of people are from out and town and may expect to be entertained. The bride doesn't really know we are doing this. We will tell her before in case she has other plans, but right now it's sort of a surprise, and a way to help her de-stress right before the wedding. We want her to be relaxed and beautiful! I guess we could just have the bridesmaids and moms, and if somebody gets offended I'll take the blame.
...See More
marie_ndcal
13 years ago
No I would not invite a third person, even if they know each other, at least this time. Maybe in a few months because you mentioned she is somewhat close to the family. and I agree, establish who will pay before the lunch.
Sue_va
13 years ago
I would call, not email. After a cheerful hello, it was so good to see you, etc., I would casually ask her if she remembers Aunt whoever, unless you have already established that point at your earlier meeting. I would mention that I would like to bring Aunt whoever, if that is okay.

If there did happen to be a reason why she would object, I would think you would pick that up in her tone of voice.

I don't understand why this kind of thing has gotten to be so touchy, or could be seemed as "offensive." It is just folks getting together for a casual lunch, not some royal affair. :>) Have fun!

Sue
rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7
13 years ago
I'll bet that you are assuming that the invitation was a "let's have lunch together", rather than a " I'd like to invite you to have lunch with me and I will pay for everything....ESPECIALLY the tip", lol.

I would by all means email her or call her and ask on behalf of the aunt. Unless you know of some hidden family problem, I'd think that this person would be just as thrilled to see her, as well.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with just you and your Mom having lunch with her. Are you worried that the aunt might get her feelings hurt if not invited?

Here's how it could go down, "Hello, ex-cousin...it was so nice running into you the other day. I'm really looking forward to our lunch together! How would you like to see Aunt, too? I know that she would love to see you again, as well."

That way, if she had a deep dark secret that she only wanted to share with the two of you, she could tell you. By the way, I would never in a million years assume that the suggestion to have lunch together meant that the suggestor foot the bill.

Separate checks are a normal thing to ask for. If someone jumps up to insist on paying the bill, someone else should offer to cover the tip.
schoolhouse_gw
Original Author
13 years ago
Never crossed my mind that she was buying lunch, we wouldn't let her anyway. A casual lunch to me means paying for my own.
Ok, decided I won't suggest a third party. Thanks for the input.
lydia1959
13 years ago
I think that if the lunch goes well.. you can suggest getting together again and ask your 'friend' if she would like to include your aunt next time?
susanjf_gw
13 years ago
that was such a casual invite, i'd call and ask if the other aunt could attend..
angelaid
13 years ago
I think so too, lydia. I would casually mention at lunch that "We should have lunch again soon. Maybe we can include "Aunt", I'm sure she would be delighted to see you!"
yayagal
13 years ago
I'd have no problem calling her and asking, she'd probably be thrilled. Tell her "no pressure" we can do it another time if this time isn't good for you. Most people are flattered that someone wants to see them.
cheri2008
13 years ago
I tend to agree with Marie, do the lunch date, then during converstion mention the aunt, and perhaps set up a future lunch date....

Inviting a guest to lunch

Comments (11)

YogaLady1948

sushipup1

Related Discussions

marie_ndcal

Sue_va

rhizo_1 (North AL) zone 7

schoolhouse_gw
Original Author

lydia1959

susanjf_gw

angelaid

yayagal

cheri2008

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Inviting a guest to lunch

Comments (11)

Related Discussions

schoolhouse_gwOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

schoolhouse_gw
Original Author